Today marks 90 days since I last did anything PMO related, and I feel like a completely different person now.
I remember earlier this year being so nervous, and anxious around people in general and not just girls. How I would get uncomfortable worrying that my urges from the night prior would cause me to do something horrible I would regret. I had good 2 week or so runs before summer started with NoFap, and then I crashed hard during the summer.
I had the nerve to do PMO on my phone of all places, while I was in my aunt’s house in the middle of the night. I realized that at that point, I hit rock bottom as a NoFapper. After coming back from vacation, I made the decision that I was done with PMO. No B.S. Just done with it.
I’ve had this issue with PMO for roughly 8 long years, and I wasn’t sure how, but I was going to end it. The first couple days were unbearable, as I constantly met urges, but I continued to fight on. It wasn’t until school started that it started getting easier, as I now had something else on my mind to think about. It was smooth sailing until the Friday prior to Halloween…
I admit that I’ve been using an internet filter as a crutch to make sure I don’t try and do anything suspicious, but it turned out I never needed it. Nevertheless I upgraded my Windows 7 PC to Windows 8.1 last week. ( woot woot! ) I had to erase everything in order to install it however, so now I had unfiltered internet for the first time in 2 1/2 months. I did get a strong urge, more serious than anything I had felt prior. It was like a Thanksgiving meal being placed in front of a ravenous beast, but before I seized my opportunity I discovered something:
Everything I would type into the URL, was completely forgotten.
I was befuddled. I couldn’t remember not one site I would get on. I sat in front of my computer for a good 10 minutes in complete silence knowing this and… felt happy.
After this, I went ahead in re-installing the internet filter (K9 Web protections if you’re familiar with it) because obviously I could have broken my then 83 day streak. It didn’t happen though.
That was last Sunday, so fast forward to today, and I’m at 90! Huzzah!
For some reason, I still don’t feel satisfied. I said this when I hit 30, and 60 as well. I don’t know how long this current streak will be, but I take it a day at a time like I always have done.
For anyone that reads this wall of text (sorry!), I guess my advice is this:
Doing something like this will never be easy.
Doesn’t matter if it’s one day or forever, just take it one day at a time, and before you know, maybe you’ll hit 30, or 60, or 90, like myself.
*On an unrelated note* I think one of the best things about these past 90 days, is that at school, I actually have feelings for a girl because of who she is, and not what she looks like. Yeah, I’m a dork for posting something like this on an PMO addiction recovery forum, but a cool one at that! Issue is, my big mouth accidentally told one of my close friends that I liked her, and for the past week I’ve been having to tell this to all my friends. The same group of friends she hangs out with. At the same time, I’ve been talking to her even more in the past several days than normally, and I feel like this is building up to something soon. I’d like opinions on this, but I don’t know, I’m still a dork. Doesn’t matter. 90 Days! HUZZAH!!!
Thread: 90, huh…
by – RoddyB7589