I’m not here for ED. I’m 17. Started all of this when I was 16. I was at the lowest point of my life, having lost everything I every had. Forced to abandon all of my family and friends and lovers. Went homeless for awhile in Florida, though that is a completely different story.
Fastfoward to finally being stable, one day I finally realized that I wasn’t happy, and that I wasn’t doing anything that will actually make me happy. I was fapping, smoking weed, doing all sorts of insane shit a depressed teen who had nothing would do. So I do what anyone, and went on a journey to find the questions of life. Questions that no one could except me could answer. Who was I, what is life, and what is my purpose? While looking through self help books and Occult literature (its a huge leap, don’t ask ), I found YBOP. “Was this what I was looking for?”, I thought.
Promotes energy, increases creativity, reduced anxiety, increased clarity. I came here hoping that just quitting this one little thing will solve all my life’s problem, as that is how some people make it to be. ::) From that day, I went 4 months of pure achievement. I quit porn, marijuana, TV, and reduced internet activity. I took up Psychology, art, guitar, reading, exercising, walking, meditating, journal. I found life’s answers, I found myself, I found out who I wanted to be. I found my “God”, so to say. Its like my prayers were answered.
Pretty much hit a flat-line, so now that no more energy was going towards porn, I decided it was time for change. 4 months of learning and growing. Finding answers, taking up hobbies, interacting with my surroundings, finding peace, solving my own problems, finding solutions to others. Self help book after self help book, studies after studies, I learned a lot of things that was valuable to my happiness and sanity, and that’s going to be like diamond in the years to come. This was my golden age. This is what I was looking for. I found balance. But then I decided to take a smoke of some good herb. But then I decided masturbating wouldn’t hurt (it didn’t but it unexpectedly jump started my libido). But then i relapsed after hitting the 4 month marker.
I felt as if I have lost everything I ever worked for. I fell from my throne. I tried to get back to that age of happiness, as I felt like I was nothing without that “number on my counter”. I’ve binged, I fell into my fetishes again, I was back where I started (Oh how oblivious I was to the truth )
Now, it’s day 20 of no PMO, day 9 of no marijuana, and I’m back to who I am, and I had an realization. That 4 month golden age wasn’t because I stopped touching my little friend, nor was it because I stopped with the damaging external stimulus ( though, trust me guys, it honestly really helped )
It’s because I didn’t like where I was, and I decided to change
Change, everyone. This, IMO, is why we are all here. We change our bad habits for the good habits. We change our false mindset to our true mindset. We change our perception on why me, to I see. We change the way we view ourselves. We change the way we view our fellow humans. We learn to respect our selfs and others. We learn to become the best we can be. We get out of our comfort zone, our state of trance of consume, consume, consume. And we change it.
I feel like I came here and got what i aimed for, though it wasn’t for ED. I feel like I no longer need a counter to manipulate my happiness, no longer need to direct all of my worry on the flatline. I can actually now focus on….life. And you know what? It’s great.
I hope this post inspires some and motivates others. I will attempt to devote myself to supporting my fellow man/woman in this community the best I can, with advice or nthing else. You guys were obliviously supporting me, and I thank you guys for being there. I thank Gary Wilson for spreading awareness of this great site. And again, thank you.
There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.”
― Jim Morrison
BY – Psychoscension