I finally made it! It felt a long time to get to this point, but it was definitely worth it. Like with every journey, you will experience the down falls, but the important thing is to keep on getting up and strive to do your best! Use what you have, whether it may be your hobbies, relationships, other productive activities, online communities like /r/pornfree and /r/NoFap , web-browser blockers or willpower to help you succeed.
Before making this change, there is no doubt that I didn’t have control over this addiction, the addiction took control over me. However, after so many attempts to get a streak going, I am able to have a clear mind so I can take control and make the right decisions.
I’ve seen posts about how people relapse at 90+ days. So no doubt there will be times where I feel like losing that control and might end up relapsing. Heck, a few days ago I felt like losing control. I had thoughts about relapsing but I prevailed and snapped back to reality. My plan to prevent a relapse from happening, is to just take what I’ve learnt throughout my previous streaks and applying it to my current streak, whenever I feel like I’m in trouble or in a struggle.
Overall, it’s been a learning experience. I definitely feel more better now than when I was heavily consumed by porn. There was like a fog before, and now it has cleared up and disappeared. I used to limit myself with the women I saw (objectifying them, meaning they’d have to have this or that), but now I just accept who they are and how they look like. So no more “they gotta have this and gotta have that”.
What still needs to be improved? Going out more, rather than sitting at home and on the computer. In saying that, I need to limit my time on the computer so I can concentrate more on writing lyrics and making music. I’ve noticed that I lack communication with people (like I can’t carry-on a conversation), so being more social is what I need to improve on. Also, more eye contact with people rather than looking down at the ground.
Like I’ve said before, it’s been a learning experience, but there will be more days to come. Cheers for reading. Stay strong!
I’d like to say this, before I go and start watching ‘The Empire Strikes Back’, thank you to /u/CurbedEnthusiasm, /u/othewulf and /u/spartandudehsld for your messages/posts over the past couple of months. And thank you to everyone in this community for your support, whether it’d through the posts or your comments! Thank you!
UPDATE – 6 MONTHS LATER
Does anyone get those times where your brain starts to think of something arousing you unintentionally viewed? Then you start getting other thoughts like “it probably isn’t that bad to see” or “just get it over and done with and look at it again, it probably wasn’t what you thought it was” or “you won’t get aroused by it” etc. Well, I followed those thoughts and look where I ended up, relapsing and back to day one.
At first, and I don’t know why but, I ended up searching on Google Images for a product I bought. Then I saw these arousing pictures which instantly made me close down Chrome. Good act on my part, but after a day of that happening, I start getting thoughts like I’ve described in the first paragraph. I shouldn’t have risked it, yet my scumbag brain kept coming up with those thoughts which made the moment intense, and I could just feel the dopamine rush. From that point on, I felt like someone else. It’s really crazy.
I just hope someday, when another moment like this comes, I won’t risk it and I’ll just fight those urges. I know, I really need to step up my game and just discipline myself.
Right now, I am trying to refrain myself from letting myself down.
P.S. I want to try submitting a post once a day from now on, hence why I typed in “Day 1” in the title. I hope that’s alright with everyone if I can do that and I’m not spamming the sub-reddit.