How it started The first time I viewed porn was at the age of four. My parents were in the kitchen cooking breakfast, so I got up from my room to look around the new apartment. I went into their room, and discovered a porn magazine under the bed. For a week straight I went to look at that same magazine. I stopped looking at it when my father caught me, and told me to stop.
Possible triggers – I didn’t see porn again till age 6. I asked my mom to find a Power Rangers movie among unmarked VHS. She found it, but not before accidentally putting in a porno for a few seconds.
My porn addiction truly began one night in 2006. My family just purchased HBO. I fell asleep round 9:30 and woke up to the moans Rebecca Love’s Ghost in a Teeny Bikini around 1 A.M. The next thing I know I had the biggest erection of my life and then I ejaculated.
This led me to streaming GGW previews for a few months until I downloaded Limewire. I remember masturbating to a GGW dorm video before school for months.
At 14 (2008) I received a new computer than could run anything I wanted to watch. I began to visit multiple websites daily. At first it was boy/girl & girl/girl and within a year I was reading hentai and incest comics.
By May 2012 I was watching 1-2 hours of porn a day, and masturbating 1-3 times a day.
What I caused on myself My addiction caused me to be extremely lethargic and introverted. Making eye contact while speaking became a challenge and spending all day playing CoD4/WoW was my life. I’d get home at 2:30 and wouldn’t say a word to any one. My grades began to go down hill. I once was a straight A student, but between 8th-11th grade I failed 10 classes. I had no social life. Any time I got around people I would just feel awkward and self self conscious. I also went through a bout of depression in Aug. 2010 – Dec. 2010 and gained 30 pounds.
How I found NoFap I used to post heavily on a music forum, and on the night of May 16th one of my favorite posters posted the Gary Wilson video. I hopped out of my bed and watched in amazement. I felt like that man was talking about me directly to me. Since it was about to be 12 I couldn’t find a reason to not start the next day. I mean I had nothing to lose. The worst was me going 90 days without PMO.
How I didn’t relaspe In the first 90 days I just read NoFap/YBOP daily. Reading success stories along with knowing how I was before kept me from wanting to go back. I also didn’t set a unreachable goal. I never said to myself I’ll do a year. I just kept adding 90 days.
How I changed I wake up every day happy to see a new day. I know I don’t have this black cloud over me now. I’m much more confident. I can walk with my head up, hold a conversation, and make eye contact. I’m more calm, friendly, and open now. I can see a problem and think about how to solve it instead of running away from it.
I workout 7 days a week now. The feeling is great, and going to sleep accomplished feel wonderful. I actually got straight A’s this and last semester for the first time since 5th grade. I actually read now. I’ve read eight books since the start on my journey! I actually have emotions now. My friend’s senior letter to me had me holding back tears.
I still try to go church just to see other view points. There is no more brain fog either. My erections and stronger in the morning, and my voice is deeper. I also stopped using soap.
The most important change was me learning to love and accept myself. Sure I’m 5’5 and sweat even when I’m cold, but that’s just who I am. There’s no sense of crying over something I can’t change.
O-0 I’m still a kissless virgin, but I’m no longer ashamed about it. Last year I would have chocked up just typing that.
Thanks Thank you, fapstronauts for reading this because I couldn’t have done it without a loving, positive community.
LINK – My Day 365 NoFap Report