Hi, I’m Robert, I’m 20 year old caucasian male, brown hair buzz cut, blue eyes, 6’4″ and 250lbs, pretty handsome, I had Asperger’s Syndrome since I was 1 month from 3 years, I’m a virgin, I’m a weight lifter and a 3-year community college student.
Anyway, my porn habit started out of curiosity by looking up naked pictures of women on Google, at age 9-10. So, I started getting into the habit of looking at those pics, including pics of naked anime girls, even discovered hardcore porn at 13-14. I’d been caught by my parents many times, even while I was masturbating to nude pictures near them. Now regarding the MO, I started masturbating at 12 by grinding my penis with a towel until I ejaculated (I’ve even came when I played a video game controller repeatedly and fastly pressing the buttons, against my crotch before then) I really began making a habit out of jerking off since, and my porn habit got worse as the years went, then so did my masturbation habit (see the correlation there?). I always “vowed” to my parents when they caught me again and realized I delete browsing history so that I think they wouldn’t know I looked at porn, and I would constantly get paranoid when they were standing behind me while I’m on the computer, asking me if they can see the history and I would try to lie my way out of it, but I was a terrible liar lol.
Anyway, little did I know, my libido (i was always horny even when I was a child lol) was slowly diminishing the older I got, even when I was in high school, I couldn’t even get aroused looking at a girl’s round ass or hugging girls like I used to, in fact, about 6 months ago, that one day I went to go watch an amatuer sex video on my ipod (which i got about 2 years ago) and I attempted to jerk off, when I noticed, I couldn’t even get semi hard manually stimulating myself while watching! Couldn’t do a thing.. Made me realize, I had only been able to cum before I got hard for a pretty long time, before that happened. It was really bad, depressing even. I was at my worst case of ED!
I took 10 days off (which is the personal best record) porn and also caffeine, then I discovered that L-Arginine helps with erectile dysfunction. It got better since I started taking the pills (and was able to cum while being hard again) but they were not helping the problem, they were only masking the problem. I got to the point where I fully accepted the fact PMO will always be a part of my life and was able to cope with my usually negative and pessimistic attitude, which I improved to an extent.
I didn’t exactly have bad social skills or no confidence, but it was much less than it rightfully should’ve been. I wondered why I was shy, unable/rarely able to get a girlfriend (couldn’t hold onto a relationship for long though, didn’t think they were “right for me”), why I was depressed most of the time, mean, why I didn’t like myself, lasted 5 more months after I discovered the ED, almost 8 weeks ago, I finally did some research after I again realized I still couldn’t get it up even looking at porn without jerking off, wanted to see if porn really was causing the ED that I even noticed, then I discovered YourBrainOnPorn.com, and confirmed that not only porn was the problem, but my chronic masturbation!
That’s when I no longer denied it, I struggled during this journey, lasting 2-3 days on average before each reset, managed to last 9 days porn free twice (one of those times was actually 9 days PMO free), and eventually the addictions got weak, and that time I actually began realizing my appreciation of real women, and life in general.
I also now believe the people who make porn, especially the porn industry, do such terrible things to their actors and actresses, all that bad, degrading shit.. Looking back, my habits really getting bad when I first got my iPod, and I could more easily masturbate while watching porn privately, I even masturbated to BBWs and SSBBWs, lesbian sex and farting fetish videos. Never got into Tranny, gay, or sex with animals or feces porn, though, although I did see the ______________ videos. Both were bad.. Never watch.
I see now how messed up my life was on my porn days.. Never again. It has been over a week since my last relapse, and I knew I had to get rid of all the nude pictures I had, all the bookmarks and all the history, before I screwed up again… And I hadn’t looked back since. In the past, (little did I know) whenever I stayed away from porn, I’d get back my ability to get a little erection, even though I was still masturbating constantly (been off and on porn those times) Eventually, I was convinced, that I will never watch porn again, rarely masturbate, and only wait to get laid, and do just that only, for the orgasm.
Now for the good news, and once again, I’ve been appreciating women, and people in general, becoming less self-centered and more caring, my social skills better (and pushing me to farther improve that skill), anger, depression, anxiety and boredom practically disappeared, improved physical performance (I can grab the basketball hoop with one hand when I run to it and jump, due to heightened testosterone resulted from abstinence, I’d believe. Pre-reboot, I could sometimes touch it), better muscular build, voice is a little deeper (both also due to heightened testosterone), I improved my confidence and self esteem, which is the key to attracting ladies and being treated better by them and people in general lol
I know I’m not out of the woods yet, in fact, I’m far from that point, I’ve been reading a lot of posts regarding rebooting/recovering from porn addiction here and there, and I know those posts encourage me to keep going. Thanks for taking the time to read this post!
BY – rcfergie5
REBOOT – Enter the New Chapter of Life
November 18, 2012
50 days away from another green star, and I want to compare today to where I was at the start of the reboot. Okay, so at the time, I could never get an erection unless I was PMOing, and if I stopped jacking off, it would shrink back. I PMO’d 3-4 times a day.. I was pretty depressed, anxious, apathetic, insecure, and less sociable than I am now. Not one real girl was ever going to arouse me, no matter how attractive she was, I actually got to that point just the last year. In fact, last year I remember using the death grip to ejaculate with a flaccid penis, but then one night as I was watching a college sex video, I couldn’t do it at all, nothing was exciting me.. Oh yeah, I was a mental mess… Really desensitized. Smh. I could’ve quit PMO for good that time, but I only abstained for 10 days, and I was only doing this because my parents didn’t want me watching that stuff, then I ended up going back last December, and while I could cum with an erection again, thanks to L-Arginine, I PMO’d for 5 more months.
Then I decided to start rebooting on April 2012, when I realized girls still couldn’t turn me on, and I was lacking confidence, then shortly I found YBOP, and after I watched the videos on Youtube, that all made sense. I had 50+ PMO relapses, and then several MO relapses since the start of the reboot, took me forever to overcome porn addiction, and then masturbation was not as addicting, it’s like I almost no longer needed to.
Fast forwarding… It seems that every 50 days I have a whole new level of confidence. When I made 50 days of no PMO I just turned 21, when I made 100 days I decided to experiment with life without Facebook/Youtube/Forums for 30 days, and now I’m at 150 days, and my brain is much considerably more sensitive, even just touching a less-than-average girl’s leg gets me an erection lol the morning wood is getting harder, and getting an erection through fantasy is more spontaneous and quicker. I’m making a habit of greeting at least one stranger a day, checking out girls and attracting them will soon become spontaneous, and I’m enjoying my sexuality very much, that I wanna share it with the world.
I got out of the flatline a few weeks ago, even after 3 MO sessions nine days ago, and I’m getting to the finish line; to become completely cured. By then, spontaneous erections (without even fantasy) will return, and all my erections, including morning wood, will be 100% hard again.
I am still a virgin, but what’s different from where I was before, is that I have absolutely no doubt that I will be able to have sex, I’m not even worried about whether a girl is promiscuous or not anymore, because I have a more open mind, and I love life just the way it is. And I really know there are girls out there that will really want me.. Besides real girls and my sex life, my dream is to travel anywhere I want, to get my own vehicle, to live on my own, acheive a meaningful social life, make a lot of money, and be able to budget enough to save.
I want to look back on my days in my 20’s and beyond, and know that I used the time I had to truly live. I now truly believe in myself, and everybody else should do the same. The point of rebooting, is to NEVER GIVE UP. I am looking forward to making the full year without porn, then masturbation.