Reflecting back on things its hard to honestly tell if I had purely anxiety issues or porn related issues but one thing is for sure i definitely had issues.
Whenever i’d surf the web for porn id sometimes start shaking….like a nervous giddy anticipation but i think this was also a by product of me worrying about getting caught when i was younger. In my journal I spoke more about my story so i’ll try to summarize as best i can.
I first watched porn in the 4th grade i was basically 8 or 9 years old. My older brother unaware of the effect it would have on me showed me some dvd’s and i was blown away. Naked bodies or a girl looked so nice and while at first i was weirded out i soon took a liking to it. I was the only one out of my two older brothers who would end up hooked though. I did not actually masturbate until freshman year and man did i have problems. I was at it at least once sometimes twice a day before i’d go to school and when i came home. I should note that when i watched porn and didnt masturbate as a kid i was able to give it up for a year however once i started masturbating often times i couldnt give it up for a week.
Fast forward to my freshman year of college i was still heavily indulging in porn, i am fortunate in that my tastes never really changed on rare occasions maybe a threesome but that sometimes disgusted me so it was basic girl guy which may be why i recovered a bit faster than some. This however did not help me my freshman year when i lost my virginity, at the time i had gone two weeks no pmo because i found this site. I was able to cum from blowjobs, but when it was time for real sex couldn’t get it up at all she actually started fake moaning for me to help, isn’t that embarrassing? We finally did the deed and guys i literally felt nothing like i was humping air.
Soon after this i began watching porn again, but went on a 2 month streak again of no pmo, again couldn’t feel a thing it was so bad that when i pulled out i didn’t even realize i pulled out and just kept thrusting. Maybe this is how sex is supposed to be? I thought, went on to sex a week or so later aaaaaaand couldn’t get it up! i was fine later but she took it terribly and i ended up breaking up with the girl for unrelated issues.
This is when I decided to get serious here is what i did guys my key to success as well as anybody serious enough. I utilized what makes me who I am, i always keep my word, and i am cheap as hell. So, i told a close friend of mine that i want to get over this and i promised him if i pmo to porn i will give you $100. This worked for me in two ways, one if i pmo to porn i owe him a lot of money and i am cheap come from a low-income home if i can help it i wont risk that. Secondly, i hate hate hate word! I pride myself on being trustworthy so even if i lied id feel sick to my stomach and like trash.
After roughly 3 months clean with this method….or 2 cant remember i met my girlfriend. I could feel her, and although on rare rare occasions i may have difficulty that past few weeks in particular I’ve been perfectly okay. In fact id say in about 2 months or so ive had no difficulty. So what are some things that are different about me? I can actually look at a nude picture of a girl and feel NO desire whatsoever to masturbate. Although i steer clear of sex scenes, even on tv. I still look at nudity if i feel like it but i never ever masturbate to it. My desire to masturbate has decreased as well, when it was once every day or every other day, now i may get the urge like maybe once a week or every other week which is big. Finally not only does sex feel ten times better than masturbating but i’m enjoying life more, im no longer worried I’ll be a forty year old loser masturbating to porn of these fake looking girls with none of my own. So in closing although i left a lot out since most of it was in my journal its really up to you guys, you just have to assess yourself as a person and ask yourself, how badly do you want to change?
LINK – I waited to confirm but i am 100 percent certain im cured
BY – Jujux15
INITIAL POST
Thought I found success only to fail again
Hello everyone my name is paul, my story is one that I actually hate revealing to others mainly because from the outside I look perfect. Often times people have told me I am a flawless individual and would ask why I’m single and I’m hoping to find some answers as well as some relief from this forum, this will be long so here it goes.
I am currently 20 yrs old and began watching porn at the age of 8 years old or roughly 4th grade. My oldest brother had found some an showed it to me and I was instantly hooked, I began indulging in it daily but luckily never escalated to anything more extreme than maybe a threesome. I began masturbating during freshman year of high school at least twice a day I loved the feeling of the orgasm…that high I couldn’t get enough of it. Only a few of my friends new I did this, I tried to stop multiple times but only lasted about 3 weeks. Fast forward to my freshman year in college and now I’m about to lose my virginity!
This was a girl that had given me head and my erections were a little weak, sometimes they wouldn’t come at all for a bit but at this point I had stopped porn and masturbating for 3 months! I found out about pmo and had stopped 90 days I’m cured right? Unfortunately not the case when it came time to have sex I couldn’t get it up she was confused I was too she would moan for me kiss me an tell me c’mon Paul don’t you want me?? I finally managed a week one when she showed me porn climbed on and orgasmed…it didn’t even feel that great.
After the experience I binged and binged until i finally managed to stop for 2 months and met my ex, the first time I got an erection fine but couldn’t cum it was sooooo frustrating! I stupidly masturbated to make sure I was fine and sure enough I came.
The next time I tried to have sex though, you guessed t I couldn’t get it up. She stared at me like I want human told me it’s okay it happens and stormed off. I had sex with her later once more with an erection that did the job but we soon broke up, most likely due to my issue although I got a bs excuse. I binge soon after
Now comes present day my 4th year and I finally tapped into getting myself to stop this madness with pmo and am now almost 4 months in the farthest I’ve ever gotten! I met a girl that I believe I truly love everything about her her mannerisms, the way she talks I can’t get enough of even though I’ve only been dating her for a month in a half I know in my heart she is someone I can spend the rest of my life with. I know I know I’m 20, but trust me guys I’m a realist, very logical thinker….I’ve never felt this way about someone. Anywho finally ones down to business I get an erection it’s failing me, go down on her comes back, I had sex with her twice I was ecstatic!!! Maybe this time I’m healed I can finally live my life, finally feel things everyone talks about!
The other day I went to her house we were kissing she was dry bumping me and I orgasmed haha we both laughed at it she was proud of herself. Then I said id get her back, I work her magic she’s fairly excited and we head to my car and theeeeen?!?! You guessed it limp dick! Noooooo how?!?! I was perfectly fine like literally ten minutes ago! Maybe cuz it was too soon? Regardless the damage had been done.
She told me it was fine, although the look in her eyes told me it was not. And my heart has been in shambles ever since. She seems a little distant although I know she won’t just up and leave right just yet because she’s told me she feels as strongly about me as I do her. Can somebody please she light on this and me?!?! I don’t know what to do anymore I don’t want to touch myself I don’t want porn but if I lose this girl, the first girl who truly understands me and vice versa I’ll be a wreck. Will things get better? I thought actual relationships helped, please forgive the long post, the triggers and my being a little baby back haha. Any and all help is much appreciated.
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