Age 20 – I am learning things about myself and other people at astounding rate

I felt I should wrote this report, however I will neither encourage you nor give you helpful tips on your journey. But it’s some insight and my point of view after all.

I started masturbating when I was 11 or 12. I am 20 now, which makes 9 years of masturbating. For most of the time daily – once or twice a day. Sometimes even more. At first it was quite weird. I started masturbation as an experiment (we can do quite interesting things with our bodies, aren’t we?), then I got the hook. I used to laugh at people who couldn’t control themselves. After all I was masturbating only 3 times a day when aroused and only at home, right? Hopefully I didn’t got addicted to porn. At first I didn’t have computer, thus my access to porn was obviously restricted. When I got my computer I had hard times finding porn that I’d be glad masturbating to. I was picky, you know… In the end I didn’t bother to search for it, I just fapped to my vivid imagination. I believe that I could have got hooked on porn with time. I was watching porn quite rarely, yet my tastes was getting… kinky. Weird. Anyway, I quit it altogether with masturbation and I don’t miss it.

At some point of my life I discovered curious thing (obviously logical, though). When I was abstaining from masturbation for some time (let’s say – 5 to 7 days), jerking off was more pleasant. But abstaining “that long” from fapping wasn’t easy. And that wasn’t quite right, but didn’t worried me much. I noticed the fact and got back to my business, i.e. masturbating. Later on, I got an idea – “I will stop masturbating and start having sex!”. For your record, I was extremely unsuccessful with girls, kinda anti-social (or socially awkward, depending on the mood) and frustrated because of that. These short period of abstinence didn’t helped with that problem, yet I noticed another interesting thing – I had actual desire to talk to girls, to colleagues, to do something more than usually. In boner there’s power! I forgot about it too, but with time I got tired of masturbation. It was dull, boring, seemed pointless (and was I believe). I began to withstand longer and longer periods without it. It just seemed right. Shortly I discovered /r/NoFap, read about weird people who refrained from masturbation (I was proud wanker, despite the drawbacks I experienced) and decided to give it a serious try. Now I’m here, 10 months later, with more than 100 days of NoFap and I feel good with that.

What has changed, then? I’ve initially noticed some of the benefits, yet they sorta faded out, plus I’m not sure which are an outcome of NoFap and which just happened along my journey, due to my actions, change of environment etc.

I am learning things about myself and other people at astounding rate. NoFap is kind of an eye-opener. I think way more clearly. I was confronted with many illusions about myself or outside world and I’m still discovering new. That’s hard to swallow usually.

Did I got more sociable? Nope. Well, sort of. I am much better in small talk and I’m not afraid of people. I lived for the year in student dormitory, so how could I not be at least bit more sociable? But I feel like I’m even more introverted, the harder I push. I like people in general, but sometimes I absolutely can’t stand them. I prefer company of animals and plants. I’m happy about it.

I am not significantly better with women. I am constantly learning, but let alone theory, I am not having any successes on this field. I am heavily blocked. I know what to do, I do it quite good but at some point I’m usually giving up for no apparent reason. Anyway I gave up trying this summer. I am tired of thinking about my possible actions. I am spending holidays in my hometown, which is shitty and I’m not going to do more than just read, work out and watch films. Period!

I started some new habits this year – running, meditation and even If I’m not very consistent I haven’t gave up on them. I’m also trying to work out, but it’s hard for me to do it regularily. In addition, currently I don’t have access to the gym, so I have to be creative. Running is great thing, though. It sets my mood. From my experience I know that I’m getting whiny when I don’t go for a run once a while.

I am still rampaging procrastinator. I am trying to fight it, but procrastination is tough creature. NoFap won’t magically fix things in my life.

I can be slightly more motivated but that’s not enough.

I am a bit happier overall. What’s more, i’m not so moody I used to be before. For example I endure rejection much easier than I used to. When I think about it I get to the conclusion that I should incorporate more activites when I was still in phase of heightened motivation. It would be easier to continue them. Starting anything now will be as hard as it always was for me. But that’s okay after all… I’m glad that I started this journey. I don’t need masturbation for anything and this was great experiment, which I will continue, now as part of my life.

LINK – Over 100 Days Report.

by steamstream