When I started NoFap, I had watched the YBOP videos, and frankly thought that NoFap was ridiculous. I told myself that fapping was healthy, and there was no reason to give it up. Everybody did it, why was I any different? The YBOP videos planted a seed that has changed me into who I am today, and I am still changing drastically. Before I started, I was depressed, not very sociable. I even convinced myself that I wasn’t interested in sex with my ex-girlfriend (funny story, I told her how much I’ve changed recently, never heard back from her, ha!).
Now, 180 days later, I look back on who I was as a fond .. kind of funny memory. I no longer look with no respect at women as these sex crazed monsters. I realize that they’re people who want to be recognized as a whole.. emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Because of this, I treat everybody as a friend .. an equal, and (while it’s slow work building trust) I’ve been able to reach out and try to leave people in a better place than before they met me.
I don’t really get tied up emotionally on one woman anymore, and as a result I don’t need that sort of validation as a man. My validation comes from the fact that I’ve conquered something that most of my friends are shocked at. I’ve been liberated of something that’s held me back my entire life, and it’s validating. I’ve accepted my sexuality as a man with desires and passions. The crippling depression I’ve dealt with my entire life is gone. I’m able to listen to music and feel the rush of dopamine .. something that was very foreign to me before pornography. I live life in the moment, daydreaming much less about the past and future. I have fun, and I try to make other people’s lives a better place.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m this shining beacon. I’m still afraid of rejection, and I’m afraid of not being wanted. I’m trying to accept my emotions as my own (where before, emotions were very foreign to me) .. at least now I recognize anger, empathy, desire, and more as they swell in my heart. It’s just a matter of accepting them, for better or worse, as my own.
It’s been a long road, and I don’t think I could have done it without recognizing pornography and masturbation as an addiction. I hope this thread can help show you where this journey may take you. If you have any questions, I’ll answer as best I can. 🙂
TLDR: I have accepted my sexuality as a man, and learned to harness its pure power to improve the lives of those around me?