Ninety days ago I started this journey out of an impulse. It was after watching the Great Porn Experiment on Youtube. My masturbation habits were, at least I think, average. Once per day, and on rare occasions zero or twice per day.
Although not intentional, it became a part of me changing myself. Becoming more social and outgoing. I’ll seperate the story of my journey and my actions, for the sake of simplicity. But first I’ll post my tips for starters, because everyone deserves to hit the ninety days mark.
Tips for starters
You’ve started today? Good. Throw away your porn now. Yes, all of it. If you’re in the whim of doing this, you’re least resistant. If you do it later, it’ll be harder.
Review yourself in its entirety. What parts of your life are you happy with? Which parts are you not? Use the oppertunity to change yourself, but be careful not to bite off more than you can chew.
Make a list. It can be a daily to-do list, a yearly goal list, or even a must-do-in-life list. It will help you get your mind of things, and if you are bored you can take a look at it. Need some suggestions? Here.
- Sport daily (running, fitness, swimming, cycling etc.)
- Learn a new dance (salsa, tango, c-walk, shuffle etc.)
- Pick up a new language (Spanish, Swahili, French, Russian, Vietnamese, Hungarian, Farsi etc.)
- Explore a town you haven’t gone before! (or a nature park, a lake, a zoo, a museum etc.)
- Talk with a stranger every day (could be at uni, in the metro, at the park, in a shop, anywhere you go!)
- Attend a gathering of friendly people! (anything you take interest in, it be politics, painting, archeology, math, vintage clothing, gaming)
- Get a job/internship
- Learn a new skill (programming, painting, archery, skateboarding, electronics, knitting)
I’ve tried to make various examples, since I know it can be hard to think of things yourself sometimes.
Keep track of your relapses. By catagory. Write down the day you’ve relapsed, and why. You’ll get a better image of your progress as well as your hurdles.
If you’ve got the time, sit down and review your day. Especially if you’re focussing on improving socially as well this can be helpfull tool.
Finally, here are some links and quotes that helped me during my 90 days.
- Real life as a game would be awesome
- 90 day report by NotVeryLogical
- Appreciating a girl’s smile
- Stop chasing butterflies, manage your garden
- How I got friends
- You can see all the dirt in the light
“It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.”
“If you fell down yesterday, stand up today.” – H. G. Wells
“Life’s a race, why not try and win it?” – Aaron McIntosh
“There are times when we must sink to the bottom of our misery to understand truth, just as we must descend to the bottom of a well to see the stars in broad daylight.” – Vaclav Havel
The journey
The first two weeks were the hardest. I was quitting a habit, not even allowing myself to look at girls with revealing clothes online at the start. (which definately helped not relapsing!)
At the two week mark I hit flatline, which lasted until week eight. This was hard because there came the panic – I didn’t even get morning wood for quite a period which made me worried. Luckily I had a friend who was very supportive, and asserted me everything would be alright. Best part was probably waking up with morning wood thinking ‘Yessss! It’s still functioning!’ and then starting my day with a bigass smile on my face.
From week eight up to now it’s been harder, but not uncontrolable. Especially when you get close to the 90-day mark you won’t give up because you’ve set that goal. Past the ninety days, I don’t know what happens. I don’t know wether I’ll go on, but for now I will. Partially because I’m afraid of regretting a relapse, and partially to be able to tell people ‘Well, I didn’t fap in 2014 AT ALL!’, haha.
Observations
Although I’m not sure wether NoFap can be credited for everything that has happened, I did change.
The biggest direct change is my view. Literally. I feel like the world has become much more vivid. My eyesight seems to have widened. (again: literally) I can see everything going on around me and actively pay attention to it, rather than only focus on things directly in front of me.
Eye contact, with both males and females, has become much easier for me. If you want we can have a staring contest. I am not afraid of eyes anymore. Before I wouldn’t even feel comfortable locking eyes with a conversation partner for more than three seconds, but now I feel thrilled and excited even when I’ve only just met the person.
In the first two weeks I even dared to ask a girl to go and have a drink somewhere. She said she didn’t had time, but I still felt great. I tried asking a girl out! Woah! Never did that before.
Female contact overall has improved. Females are conversation partners and friends now rather than possible girlfriends. The dispair and urge to get a girlfriend as soon as possible have faded since starting NoFap.
My confidence has skyrocketed. Mostly due to seeing the world more vividly, but also because I felt more comfortable wherever I was.
Now for a less exciting part; one particular effect that seems to have faded. During the start of NoFap I had an energy rush. This was channeled towards self-improvement. I started meditating, focussed on getting my internship ready, attending social events and meeting new people.
After the eighty day mark this has almost completely faded. I still do the social things, and my internship is near accepted, but my motivation energy is running low. If anyone has advice on how to keep myself motivated on improving myself that would be awesome.
Questions are more than welcome.
LINK – Ninety days – there’s more than meets the eye
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