My story… At a young age I was taken advantage of multiple times and introduced to pornography at 10 years old. As time wore on, I just learned how to hide better and isolate myself as a cycle of shame and guilt swept over me daily. I was caught, once by my mom, and once by my dad…..but that was at age 13. I had a long talk about it, but the conclusion I personally drew was to never be caught again. Growing up in a rich town, everyone had a Mac book by Middle School. I learned how to play the system of telling my parents what they wanted to hear when all I cared about was not getting another virus that would get me caught.
I was blessed with an incredible mind and didn’t have to try at all during High School. My routine was school, sports practice, go home and watch porn for 3 hours, go to bed at 9pm, wake up get good grades, repeat. I pretended that I worked hard though, why? So I could be left alone doing “homework” for hours at a time. This got to the point where I got a Netflix account just to watch porn scenes that were more realistic. I extended myself to taking harder classes Senior Year of High School, making me have to stay up until 2 am sometimes just to get my fix.
It got to a point where I said enough is enough and I applied early decision to a christian college to try to stop the habit. I thought, okay its illegal to do this there, I will stop. What happened? I became even better at hiding, even finding ways to do it while my roommate was in the room! He never suspected a thing! However, this habit consumed me to the point where I was getting Cs in math classes…..the subject where based on my life up to that point I could prove to be in the top 1% of the world in math. I took multivariate calculus in High School and got an A+, highest grade out of the top students in my High School (50% of my class went to IVY league schools)
What happened? I left school for a semester because I couldn’t get my head straight. (Blamed it on being in the hospital for a week) just disappeared from school…. I knew that my college choice was not right and I transferred to a public university.
In the meantime, I told my Dad everything and was able to get counseling. I found this wasn’t enough. I got involved with a small group at my church and found a mentor who I could tell everything to. This helped a little, but I was still not ready to give up this destructive habit. Fast forward to last fall. I sought out help from my new church. I started meeting every week with two guys to talk about life and to delve into scripture.
Around this time, one of my best friends told me about NoFap. Shout out to those of you that reset badges daily! I was there. Then my friend got to day 21, I had enough of this, I was going to catch up. We must have texted or called each other everyday to stay focused on NoFap. I looked at porn a couple of times, but refused to fap. Once you build momentum, it gets easier. Now, I am on three weeks of noporn! If you try to do this on your own, you will fail. Get a mentor, an accountability partner, anyone that will love you enough to get upset when you mess up, but be there for you when you are struggling to get to day 7.
I am not looking back, I had my first date in 3 years a week ago (see my last post for details) and I can honestly say that real girls are so much better 🙂 They talk to you, want to know about you, are interested in you, and have hearts that are very caring. Don’t settle for the internet, life is so much better when you realize that it is not a big deal to talk to that beautiful girl next to you.
Reaching day 90 is only the beginning, now, it is time to experience everything I have been missing wasting away next to my computer. I still meet with the two guys from my church and have grown a stronger bond with my NoFap friend. My motto in life used to be love yourself, where did that take me? Now my motto is Love God, Love Others, and then Love Yourself. I can start to feel the light at the end of the tunnel, join me in moving one step closer everyday. I believe in you Fapstronaut!
LINK – Well boys….90 days! BOOYAH!