So I finally did NoFap and NoPorn together for 90 days, thanks a lot to you guys. Non-sticky high fives for everyone!
I used to be a chronic fapper, 2-3 times a day for at least two years during high school, and they were all with the aid of porn…a recipe for disaster. So it wasn’t very easy quitting. Social anxiety, depression, Nice Guy Syndrome, etc. made me try this challenge.
Since I started, I’ve had multiple attempts of less than a week, then 17 days, then 24 days, 77 days, and now finally 90 days and going. When you fail at your NoFap streak, you have 3 choices: you can either let it define you, destroy you, or strengthen you, so choose wisely. I was so pissed when I lost at 77 days, but I identified my triggers (watching Game of Thrones all by myself at home haha) and made sure not to do that again, and now here I am at Day 90. Don’t let your setbacks set you back.
Tip: Location, Location, Location!
I’ve noticed my urges are different depending on where I am. They are the strongest when I’m at home, probably because of all the fun I had during those high school days. I see my old desk and immediately think of hitting command-shift-n in Chrome (yes I’m a Mac). Once you fap in a location, you immediately create triggers in that environment. You are building a habit of fapping in that location. Your location affects the way you think!
I owe a lot of the success of these 90 days to my summer internship 3000 miles away from home. I made an effort in the beginning not to fap, so as to not create a habit, and the two and a half months literally flew by with barely any urges. It almost felt as if I was cheating at NoFap. There was no huge fight, no struggle where I had to dig deep down inside and see what I was made of, nothing grand and inspiring. I just didn’t fap. Nothing in my room reminded me of fapping since I had never done it, so I didn’t have many urges. It just worked. It’s actually a struggle for me to even visualize myself fapping in that room. I’m not sure where I would put my laptop. Would I be on my knees or sitting in a chair? I would probably have to turn the volume down, pull down the blinds, and lock the door. Is there anything else I would have to do? However once you do fap even ONCE, you have a strong visualization and that makes fapping a second time MUCH easier. To those of you going to college and living in dorms, I urge you not to create a habit in this new change of scenery.
I also think this is why things like going for a walk and going to the gym are so helpful. You remove yourself from your location, and thus you literally change your thoughts. The urges just float away. If you find that most of your urges come when you’re in your room or in your house (and I guarantee you this is probably a place you have fapped before), go to a different room or go to a library to get your work done.
I think most of the results people get from NoFap are based on what they choose to do with their time when distracting themselves from fapping. For me, this was going to the gym. As a result I’m quite toned now and have received at least 4 compliments on my pecs the last couple weeks. I also opened up to people a lot more and spent my time interacting with others. The social anxiety is still not completely gone, but I am FAR more functional as a person now than before.
Also since I was in a new town for my summer internship, I was out exploring a lot, meeting new people, trying new things. All that really helped me build a lot of character.
Another thing I have noticed is that I have no approach anxiety now. I do tend to sometimes get awkward into the conversation, but as far as the initial approach, I am fearless in going up to a person and starting to talk to them.
As far as the sexual results, I am now able to summon the beast just solely by my thoughts. Whereas before only the perfect video at the perfect point with the perfect touch could make me achieve this. It’s empowering to know that I am in full control of my buddy down under.
My dad was never around growing up. He has a short fuse, but succumbs to my controlling mother a lot. I have always been scared of both of them. Mother took good care of me physically but completely neglected me emotionally growing up. She is kinda OCD and very controlling and always pointing out my faults. Withholds love to make me achieve and do what she wants me to do so she can keep her control. I’m only finding this out recently. I am plagued with horrible toxic shame and avoidance behaviors.
Is there any hope for any luck with me and women? I’m a 21 year old virgin, very successful academically, but have no real relationships. I don’t know what love is. I can’t even give it to myself. Love to me is being a nice guy and fulfilling all of the other person’s needs…like I had to do with my mom. Love for me is fixing someone broken (like my mom) so I can finally get love in return.