Luckily it only took about 7 weeks for sufficient recovery, though I was able to get a full erection earlier than that. Any time I come across porn (the internet is a weird place), it does nothing for me. My girlfriend definitely turns me on, and I was able to successfully have sex (though my sensitivity is really high and I didn’t last long). All in all, I feel more confident in myself, though anxiety is still a personal hurdle. At least I covered the main bases, and meditation may help further.
In general, I have a lot more spare time. With porn it takes up so much of your day, but without it you find that you might have too much spare time. Time enough to get a new hobby, or appreciate your loved ones more. I know that relapse is always a possibility, so I need to continue to be careful. In general, I’m pleased with my progress, all I need to do is work on sensitivity and nervousness.
EDIT: Meant to say this, but I’ve been busy. My sex drive is pretty high, which isn’t a bad thing. And I’ve learned that it’s okay to look at an attractive woman or other things the internet has to offer (nothing pornographic though), the body isn’t evil. It’s when you think “yeah, i should just search…”then you need to stop. Recovery reaches a golden point, then it’s maintenance and trying to just enjoy life.
BY – genericemail363
INITIAL POST – I just had a wakeup call
I’m 21, but have been looking at porn and masturbating for quite a while. Then it happened, I was hanging out with my girlfriend, messing around, having fun. I controlled my anxiety and everything. Eventually, she asked if we could have sex. Long story short, she was before me, her beautiful body, and I just couldn’t get it up. I could achieve maybe 60%, and that’s very generous. Even that didn’t stay long. I felt mortified, but I made sure that she knew it wasn’t her fault, because it wasn’t, and I did finish her. Still, that feeling is worse than anything I had felt before. I would have cried if she wasn’t there.
I did a lot of research, and I can get erections still, rarely with just fantasy though. I need porn now. Even more interesting, when I look back my porn-related erections weren’t completely hard. Maybe 80%. I know I needed to change. My girlfriend felt bad, I felt bad, it wasn’t right. I found sites, and they made sense. Porn gives you “false” dopamine release and you build up tolerance without noticing. I remember when a magazine like Victoria’s Secret would be MORE than enough. Now, I look at really messed up things to reach orgasm.
For now, I’m going to try to reboot. I’m drinking more anti-oxidant teas (they can’t hurt i guess), some vitamin supplements, meditating, and swearing off so much as looking at anything pornographic. It’s only been a few days, but I think I was so depressed and traumatized that I just had to do it. For instance, one site I belong to has some pornographic material, so I made sure to block it. Tiny steps really, but I need to do them. I want to be normal again, and show my girlfriend how much I truly love her. If anyone has advice or tips, I would greatly appreciate them.
Week 1 update: I finally had a chance to go through my computer and delete all bookmarks and pictures that were even a little related to porn. There were times where my brain fought me, tried to make me think I’d need something later. But I pushed through and deleted. I felt a lot better, like a burden was lifted. In person, there are times where I have to distract my mind, because the thoughts come back. But those are fading little by little, so I think I’m on my way.