A few months ago I couldn’t get it up, and even if I could, I was losing it. Now I can do whatever I want and for however long I want so maybe some of this stuff might help. First of all I just had a “successful” sex which made me write this post.
But the weirdest thing is that I have had it for few weeks now but just haven’t noticed the shift . Maybe that is the point, to make it natural and not a big deal. Personally I don’t even think this is as important anymore, just a part of life.. you gotta eat sometimes and sometimes fcuk, both sometimes don’t taste good and don’t work.
Now straight to the things that probably helped me.
I’ve been in a relationship for over a year now and sex was a big issue for me, however she wasn’t experienced and didn’t expect much which allowed me to improve and learn without much stress. And everything she knows now is from me only. E.g. if he doesn’t get up (which doesn’t happen now) it’s okay because it happens sometimes, if he went flat it was also normal and didn’t mean anything, coming too early also happens and is normal. Therefore I now know that if he won’t work nothing won’t happen, she will understand and just get on with other stuff which makes me confident and as the result he actually always works now. That is the first thing.. to don’t actually care/worry about it and find someone who can “not care/worry” with you.
Because not caring/worrying will eventually bring positive results and since you didn’t care/worry You won’t even notice a shift as I did. If you don’t have a stable partner and it doesn’t work laugh about it with that girl, make it not big deal, “yep it’ll work next time “, “I ve probably drunk too much “. If you have a way out, then there’s no fear of failure and it improves your performance. Come up with stuff that would make you comfortable even if HE fails. Because he can fail even for “Healthy” men.
Next thing is what I got from this site and it’s users was an article.. one of the MUST READ ones on the main page. It basically said that fapping with porn, images, strong imagination is an escape from reality and it basically means you have other problems. This made a HUGE impact on the way I think now. Every time I wanted to fap I instantly realised “I wanna fap, that means I am not happy with my life? what is it then?” and those things actually started coming to me. Stuff like:
- Having friends in school and not being able to communicate with them and make them like me
- Seeing MANY hot people around and not being attractive
- Not being a top guy, best version of myself
- Not earning much
- Not having good results in school
- My girlfriend being unhappy
And that thought, about the real problem MUST result in a thought of how to deal with it! Try talking to the hot people in school and eventually make friends and relationships? or fap thinking about it? Go to the gym/ hair dresser/ dermatologist and become attractive ? or fap and think about being it?
I keep having urges still but because of understanding them I don’t have to fight with them, this understanding makes them go away themselves.
There was a book suggested in this article called “The slight edge” which pretty much helps you deal with all your problems by teaching you how significant is every your decision and little action. You can kill procrastination with help of this book and enter the world of Personal Development which will make your life better and use your full potential. Because the “Slight edge” suggests other books to read and then you read them and other ones and apply all you learned to your life to improve our work, habits, performance, you like and understand yourself better and with time you work on all of these problems and they start to go away. And then all of the sudden *Puf* the ED is gone and you haven’t even noticed because you were busy LIVING.
Main point of the article was that You don’t fight with urge to masturbate and watch porn and count days in your calendar, you live your life and fix your problems so that you don’t even have time and urge for it in the first place.
Next was what I discovered myself and applied long ago and I think it works too. And is no less important than the previous stuff.
- Reduce using facebook, instagram, TV, etc.
- Unsubscribe from “sexy” pages on FB and YT. Filter the BS as I like to call it.
- Eventually kill those websites FULLY.
Again. You don’t have to fight with yourself to do it. IF you have goals and visions for your life You don’t even have time for it and urge. So start with working on your life. Again, books like “The slight edge” and “Think and grow rich” allow you to do it.
You need to limit the unreal and unlimited contents if those pages in order to come back to reality and free your mind from sexual imagination.
Then if you see a hot girl you make an internal dialogue, you don’t just rely on the feels that come to you. Instead of feeling frustration about her being hot and not yours and then letting it take over your brain, attitude and mood and eventually actions, just introduce some logic to your thoughts. Talk to yourself, use arguments:
“She’s not bad, but you don’t really know her and didn’t see her fully. She probably isn’t that perfect really, plus you have lovely girlfriend that can give you all that so let that girl go away(from your mind) and do her stuff”
“Wow what a pretty flower we have here! Is there any chance to grab her attention? talk to her? no? so why bother thinking about her, let her go and get on with your training”
“Omg it’s that girl that I have a crush on! Wow look at her ass and body, omg I better remember it cus I sooo have to fap to it today…
Wtf are you talking about!!? You are pathetic, don’t you instead want to talk to her?, help her with homework? make her laugh? see her laughing at your jokes, don’t you wanna take her to a party and have fun? then maybe express that you like her? and feel her in real life? What? you cannot help her with homework because you don’t know how to do it yourself? Good, go to the f*** and learn something,
You cannot take her to a party cus of money issues? Good, improve your business.
You cannot talk to her because you don’t have confidence and looks? and stuff about personality is BS? okay go the F*** to the gym and work on yourself!.”
Think about what CAN you do in a situation and do it. If there is not much you can do, don’t let it affect your mood. Internal dialogue and control of my thoughts is something I am working on myself and It makes me do wonders, I don’t procrastinate anymore, I talk to myself about why I should do something and don’t do something else.
That’s a lot of stuff written here.. I don’t know if I conveyed all my thoughts.. might add some in following posts.. please as questions and criticize my methods if you feel like. Good luck guys and thanks for reading and for help.
LINK – 21 killed ED in few months, have some tips
October 11, 2013
By – PureG9
November 10, 2013
How to rebalance with a girlfriend
Hi, I’m 20 yo and I just diagnosed myself with PIED, I mean.. Definitely ED but not entirely sure what kind.
My problems started 1.5 year ago when I was with a girl for a first time and could not get hard.. (standard story)
And then again with another girl.. No need for the whole background story… We all know them.. In my case too, girls were just fantastic 11/10 etc… Thing is that since that very first time only thing I thought about was what’s wrong with me. I want to tell more about my findings.
I started MO when I was 13, PMOing when I was 16-17.. By porn I mean pornografic movies presenting sex. I say it because now I consider everything porn.. Even those girls with yoga pants on my fb.
Earlier I was using mostly photos and imagination.. A lot of imagination, I pretty much did it (in my head) to every attractive girl I knew.. When I met a nice girl instead of doing something about her I was too shy and decided to do it in my head and used her as a target of my thoughts for many months and switched them during the process. I thought it was just a cheat before I find a girl. I also had a fap folders where I gathered the best findings for years. I am not and have never been addicted to MO.. Longest strike 3x a day and and rarely had a full week.
I don’t think physical aspect is the one. Rather the brain and how I made myself not really need real sex or a girlfriend . Why would I need it? I had all of them right? I could do to them whatever I wanted and have even the most perfect one in the world.. Just few clicks and few thoughts. It wasn’t about letting off the urge.. It was about possessing them I guess. It sounds like a psychopath but I’m not a bad person.. I just wanted a girlfriend so bad and when I could have one.. I did not do anything as I was shy, and then it was too late.. I got the worst acne the world ever saw. I had to forget about real girls for good even though I was in a perfect age for one.. 17 ish. I was late and had to wait when things will get better and try then.
I feel empty almost most of the time now but there appeared a light in the tunnel. I met a fantastic girl, the most beautiful girl in the world, turned out she was a virgin too therefore I thought she was made for me as I could do things slowly without rush and maybe with her things will work. I learned a lot besides her, I maned up and we did it few times now but no without problems. Problem still exists however I have her now, knowledge, awareness, this site and you guys as a help towards improvement
I do get hard now but it goes away rather quickly unless stimulated.
I love my girlfriend.. Love women in general and their beautiful bodies and can’t help but staring touching kissing and all that good stuff.. So this part of my mind is OK.. Haha
But I’m lacking that feeling and That need I had in my younger years.. Excitement, lust, being horny are things that just turn on inside me for a minute and then go away most of the times. Only possible way for us to have a successful sex is her to take me until almost the edge and then I can do anything.. And even though it works most all the time I know it is fake and artificial. I want to get hard only by awareness of a sex coming.
And now actual questions
1. How would you classify my case?
2. Except porn and MO what to avoid?
3. What about blow jobs, or sex, should I avoid orgasm at all?
4. What about edging? I want to give her pleasure too, she likes dry hump and always comes during it
. It happens to me too but mostly just edging.
5. I guess any thinking of girls in a sexual way is to be excluded, unliked all sexy pages from fb and try to stay in reality
Thanks a lot guys in advance, sorry for the long read, regs