I can’t believe I made it to 90 days, and on my first try nonetheless! I seriously didn’t think I could do it at first, and there were many times where I almost gave in, but the things you can do when you really put your mind to them are truly amazing.
A little background about me and why I decided to do this: I’m a recent college grad, currently about a month into graduate school. In my senior year I was dating a girl who I really loved. She was intelligent and beautiful, a combo you don’t usually get. We both loved to sing, and we had strikingly similar senses of humor to boot, another rarity when it comes to me and anyone. We could say the weirdest stuff to get each other to laugh, and yet it all seemed so normal. I couldn’t ask for more.
The only thing is that she wasn’t experienced in the bedroom and wanted to take things slow, slower than the speed my porn-fueled brain needed to go. That frustrated me, and sexy times started to seem like a chore to me. Eventually it got to the point where we would fool around, and then literally the moment she left I hopped on the PC for another round. And the sad part is, in my messed up brain, I preferred the latter.
Eventually, my frustrations spilled over into other parts of our relationship. I was not being a good boyfriend at all, she took notice, and we eventually decided to split. So, to make a long story a little less long, I was kind of depressed, I found the nofap subreddit, realized where I had gone wrong in relationships (probably not just that one, but that was my case study, per se), and decided to give it a try.
So about a week into it this same girl contacts me out of the blue essentially telling me how upset and angry she was at everything that happened and how shes now finally doing better without me. I apologized for everything I did and told her what I was doing with nofap and how it already changed my outlook on everything and how it was gonna make me better. We started talking again and are now pretty good friends again. We met up twice throughout the 90 day period and did some things.. so this was close to hardmode but not quite.
OK, lets get on with the good part. I definitely had the most urges throughout the first 3 weeks. You guys have to trust me though; it gets a lot easier the longer you go on, and the benefits get more apparent and permanent. Speaking of the benefits:
1) I used to be a relatively shy dude, and I still am in some ways. But now I like talking to people, and am way better at maintaining conversations and keeping eye contact. This is especially true with the ladies.
2) Fitness: I was a pretty lazy asshole when I graduated, and my figure was slowly approaching the skinny-fat point. I decided to start going to the gym and going for runs. I havent stopped going to the gym 3 times a week since, and now play ultimate frisbee 3 times a week as well. I’m in much better shape now because of it, and feel better about myself too.
3) I actually want to do things. I used to be content sitting at home, getting high and playing video games with my friends while college flew past me. As fun as that still is sometimes, I need to change it up. I joined some clubs and activities on campus. I make it a point to leave my house every day, even if its just to go to school to do work.
4) THE BIG ONE: I couldn’t give a single fuck about not having sex anymore. The college culture puts so much stress on hooking up, getting laid, etc. When I wasn’t doing that stuff, it depressed the hell out of me. Despite everything else I excelled at, I felt like I was a failure at life because I wasn’t having sex with a different girl every weekend, and I didn’t know how to pick up girls at bars or parties like some of my friends. Now I really just don’t care about it. I’m horny as hell, but I also realize my life has a greater purpose than simply fucking all the time.
The ironic part was that when I wound up in relationships, the sexy times bored me. I couldn’t win! Thanks porn!
1) Flatlines – they are very real! I went through a two week period at the beginning of month 3 of being generally malaise towards everything. They go away though; no need to “test your stuff” to see if its working!
2) Urges – sometimes you spend more time fighting off an urge than it would take to just jack off and get it over with. But every victory makes you that much stronger.
3) Superpowers – I’m not slaying pussy on a daily basis, but as I mentioned, I also don’t care.
And one other thing I wanted to add: I know video games get some hate on this subreddit since they’re anti social and you could better spend your time socializing. My take is that you should treat it as any other hobby you do. You can certainly integrate it into your life, but don’t make it the focal point. I still enjoy an hour or two of gaming in my spare time as a way to wind down from a long day or to relax on a weekend. You should do whatever makes you happy in your free time, as long as you make it a point to interact with others in other times in the day.
TL;DR: Did nofap cause I lost an amazing girl. Its hard at first but gets easier, and there’s a lot of benefits. Do what makes you happy!