Needless to say, when I got in touch with internet porn, things really started to go downhill. I was so hooked, that I really don’t remember much from that time. All was a big blur. I got angry, yelled at my mother a lot. Had fights with my father.. because, as much as I was concerned, their presence was just preventing me from doing what I loved the most – PMO.
I graduated middle school with very average grades. I look at my photos from that time and I can see a deadliness in the eyes. While other kids were full of life and their eyes were shining, I was numb. No smile. No emotion. Nothing. It’s depressing to even look at the pictures now. The sad thing is – I can see my friends right now going through what I went through then. In a way – it’s a blessing that it’s over for me and maybe I can steer them to the light. On the other hand… why did it even have to happen!? I have to say, I’m a bit mad at the f***ed up society we live in, that this could even happen to a little kid.
Well, here I am, 22 years old. Barely graduated college. Working as a store clerk for an average salary, thinking what could I have done and what would I had become, if there was no magazine, because I really know that I’m a smart guy. If I can manage to concentrate on a task, I’m pretty much unstoppable. Girls love me and my cocky, confident attitude and fiery nature. It’s not to sound arrogant, just to explain, that this sickness we call PMO is what tied up this smart and awesome man and made him into a zombie like creature.
Well, guess what, I’m returning. I know that I’ll newer get back the wasted years, but there’s no use in thinking about the past.. Looking forward is the best choice I can make.
As I explained in my previous posts, I’ve been dating a girl. Working out a lot. Eating right. My concentration skill has risen tremendously. I’m creating good relationships at work and with my bosses. Reading a lot about self image psychology and similar sciences that are directed at improvement in many different areas.. The good things I notice now:
- Increased concentration;
- Clarity – no brain fog;
- The anxiety located in the stomach area has reduced tremendously;
- After waking up I often joyfully sing for no apparent reason;
- I run on the treadmill like a monster;
- I’ve grown in size;
- I have a girl texting me daily;
- Have noticed my self in a administrator like attitude, managing and leading people.
Yeah, well, that’s the story. Hope this helps and motivates you to keep on track.