I can’t tell you how big the smile was on my face this morning when I opened up NoFap and saw that blue star gleaming at me. It has been a long, long journey but it has been so worth it.
My original post was back on Christmas Eve, 90 days ago, where I decided that I would put an end to masturbation in an attempt to save my sex life with my girlfriend.
I’m happy to say that I made 90 days without relapsing once, and my relationship has benefited enormously from this lifestyle change.
When I look back at how I was, it’s like looking back at a different person. I used to get nervous about having sex with my girlfriend because I had the constant threat of ED looming over me. I used to resist her advances and make excuses as to why we couldn’t have sex because I had either already masturbated that day and wasn’t in the mood, or because I was terrified of not being able to perform and having to suffer the shame, embarrassment, and indignity of ED.
All that has changed.
I feel like a young man should again; I’ve regained my love of sex and the thought of potential ED doesn’t even cross my mind anymore. Before I quit, I’d worry about ED every time we had sex. Now, nothing. It is such a relief having that weight off my mind. I feel like a new man.
I can’t tell you how good 90 days feels and I urge each and every one of you to push on and reach whatever goal you’ve set yourself. The sense of achievement is glorious.
I’m by no means a master, but I thought I’d pass on some bits of advice. These aren’t groundbreaking and you’ll almost certainly have heard them before, but they still hold true.
- The first 2/3/4 weeks are hard. I’m afraid I can’t remember precisely when it started getting easier, but I promise you that it does. I distinctly remember reaching a point where I realised that I’d broken the back of the urges. That isn’t to say that I could become complacent, but the first weeks were certainly harder than the last couple of months.
- Break your routine. I came to realise that one of the major reasons that I was masturbating each night was because I had been stuck in a routine in the evenings of bed, laptop, masturbate, sleep. It was at the stage where I didn’t even particularly feel like masturbating but I just did it anyway, because that’s just what I did in the evenings. Once I left the laptop (and other devices) well out of reach come the evening, it became far easier and I realised just how settled in the routine I had become.
- Come and visit NoFap. Especially in the early days, whenever I was on my laptop and I felt an urge to break my streak, I’d make the decision to log on to NoFap instead. I’d read about the problems masturbation was causing other people and it would remind me why I was doing this. I’d read about the success stories people have had, and it would remind me what I had to look forward to. We have a fantastic resource here for support and inspiration. Make the most of it.
NoFap has transformed my sex life and really helped turn my relationship around. I certainly want to continue on this journey and reap the benefits. That being said, I also want to take full control of my body again. The ideal situation for me would be being able to masturbate if I want to, but being able to control the urges and not have it take over my life and ruin relationships.
With that it mind, now that I’ve reached 90 days I’m getting rid of the blanket ban on masturbation. I don’t want to mess up my sex life so my plan right now is only to masturbate if my girlfriend is in a certain time of the month AND I really want to masturbate. I certainly don’t want to get into a routine of fapping just because she’s on her period.
I realise this idea has the potential to spiral out of control. If it does then I will be heading straight back to NoFap and cutting it out entirely. I would, however, like to push on the next stage of my development and see if I can really control and master these urges.
If you have any questions or are looking for some advice, please do not hesitate the contact me and ask. I’m more than willing to help out this community after it’s had such a wonderful effect on my life.
MORE COMMENTS ON THE THREAD
I’m 22. God knows how long I’ve been watching porn. 7/8 years? Maybe longer.
In terms of ED, I think it happened once a couple of years ago and I thought that was just one of those things. Then about 6 months ago it started happening more regularly. It happened two or three times and my confidence just went to pieces. I don’t know how you find it, but once it had happened a number of times, it just felt like it was looming over me every time I had sex and the problem just got worse and worse.
I was PMOing at least once a day when ED was at its worst. It’s difficult to put a figure on the reboot. I think it must have been about 5/6 weeks when I started just loving normal sex with my girlfriend. Once I had had two or three really strong erections my confidence started growing and the psychological aspect of ED just drifted away. Ever since then it just doesn’t cross my mind. I think that mental aspect and getting rid of self-doubt is 95% of the battle.
In terms of tips:
- All I can say is cut the porn out right now. I know how tempting it can be to click on a NSFW link and think “it’s not real porn, it doesn’t count”, but if you really want to help yourself just cut it out completely.
- You need mental fortitude because it’s a hell of a problem to overcome. You just have to keep trying with sex. I don’t know what your situation is and if you have a girlfriend/regular sex partner but if you do, just keep trying to have sex. With cutting out the porn you’ll get aroused easier, you’ll remember what’s so attractive about a “normal” girl, and that confidence will come back in time. I know how disheartening it can be if there’s a problem, but you just have to keep pushing on I’m afraid.
- It’s so easy to say and so difficult to do, but you just need to try and live in the moment and get out of your head. If you can really get into the sex then your mind won’t start drifting to “what if I can’t get it up” or “what if I don’t stay hard”.
Stay strong pal and that blue star will be yours in no time. Self-discipline is required so dig deep and persevere.
Well I can only speak from my personal experience here, but I would liken it to suddenly finding a whole new level of sex.
Like you I used to watch porn and say to myself that it’s simply making me horny and want to have sex with my girlfriend more. But once you quit porn entirely, and only focus on that one person for sexual satisfaction you realise how much you’re missing out on. For me the sex became much more intense. I wasn’t simply having sex because I was horny and looking to get my end away, I was having sex because of the relationship between me and this specific person and how they had aroused me and how they had made me feel.
I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like if you watched Man vs. Food or some cooking show on tv and you see the best meal you’d ever seen. You salivate over it and dream about eating it, and then end up having some ready meal from your fridge. Yeah, you’ve dealt with your hunger, but it’s not quite the same.
Quitting porn entirely, however, is like you’re preparing your own meal. You buy the ingredients, you prepare them, you touch them and get a feel for them. It’s harder work for sure, but you get the satisfaction of cooking. You get the satisfaction of smelling those ingredients, watching them come together, and at the end you have a beautiful dish that you have created. It’s not some meal that you’ve seen somewhere and aren’t going to realistically eat anytime soon. It’s your dish, in your kitchen, that you have made. It’s just so satisfying.
I realise that’s a bit of a weird analogy but I don’t know how else to explain it. I’d recommended quitting porn altogether. If you feel you aren’t gaining anything from giving it up, then fine, start watching again. But at the very least it’s worth trying to quit altogether. Who knows, you might enjoy it.