Who I am doesn’t matter. I am 22 years old. I have watched porn for a long time. Found out about it with 13/14 years. And fapped at irregular times in the meantime. Until 3 years ago where I became 19. That time I got hooked on a fetish. That fetish was ‘gender-bender’.
I have watched Japanese cartoons since midschool and I DO believe that may have played a major role in my sexual development. After ‘happy’ fappenings. That fetish finally transformed into another fetish which is called autogynephilia or imagining yourself as girl while getting banged. What the flying duck. Gross stuff guys. But I was there. And I genuinely thought I could have been transgender.
If you saw me today, you wouldn’t believe I was that person, even at the mercy of your life.
While watching porn and fapping I wasn’t myself. I was a sissy robot, who did nothing, accomplished nothing and honestly I was pretty disgusting, in a way.
Porn took me the essence of what I am. I took my manliness and masculine spirit and completely wrecked it.
It was my, and only my fault. No one else’s. It was due to my weakness and due to me not caring about shit.
Well let me tell. I don’t know how long I haven’t fapped. I don’t count days, I am not interested in fapping or not fapping. I just want to get things done. Porn and fapping are not in my dictionary anymore. I just stay away from it. There is nothing more satisfying in this world than holding a girl in your arms and kissing her and letting her know and feel that she is a woman and that you appreciate her, her sexuality and her beauty.
My username before changing it was ‘BlackSnowPrince’, an example of the (sorry for offending some people. [I am not really sorry]) faggot sissy shit that went on in my brain. At that time my brain could also as good have been swapped with a pink blanket. God I am cringing so much even thinking about it. ugh. damn.
At that time I couldn’t stop fapping and getting aroused. The sissy images were burned in my sissy brain. That’s why I had an idea. Why not let cancer eat the cholera that was my brain. So I started masturbating to just plain, straight, male point of view porn for a week. Once a day, or so. I wasn’t as aroused as with sissy shit but it worked out. And the more I did it, the more attracted I got to girls again in the days to follow.
I haven’t fapped OR watched porn for quite some time now, but whenever I have urges, which doesnt happen very often. I see the pics of cute girls in my mental eye.
The things that changed after PMO alltogether:
- I left my house again. Not living like a secluded shy human waste anymore.
- I appreciate socializing with people and go for drinks and parties.
- I actually work out well with ladies, even having them coming after me.
- My voice is way deeper.
- I am actually a charismatic person when there is no sexual bullshit occupying my mind.
- I feel like a man again. I am a man again, a real man. A man who isn’t afraid to show other men and women that he is a man. In a polite but cocky way.
I found out that I am neither a nice guy nor a good person. I wouldn’t call myself a bad person either but I just embrace the tag for the fun of being a devil’s advocate.
There is something in-between being good and bad.
While PMO my confidence had hit rock bottom I was afraid of others rejecting my that’s why I was ‘playing it nice’ in others words I was being fake for the sake of being accepted, which in turn made ‘cool’ people lose respect for me. And the funny thing is, I didn’t even know I was being fake! I genuinely thought I was a nice person. In reality I was just an afraid, bland and boring fucker.
At that time, nothing of the person that was really inside me, ever shone through. My personality was nonexistent.
I did become more selfish yeah. There is no loving others if you don’t love yourself ya know. I got into sports again. I workout I go for swimming. I do shit again. I do not accept having a weak and nonmasculine body. My eating habits are controlled by me again, not the other way around as before with PMO. I care about shit again. I genuinely do stuff and get things done.
I despise anime for making me a total retard at the time. It is poison that defiles vulnerable people and slowly turns them into weirdo’s. Not that I am unbiased. Don’t let your children watch it. It isn’t fun. It’s weird. As fuck. And it will only fuel their escapism. I learned to hate escapism. I learned to ‘hate the internet’, as it wastes a lot of my time and has done so before. What can I say. I have friends now, girls that adore me. Yeah I know, having ‘contact’ with more than one girl makes me a bad person but don’t go social justice warrior on me
- I am learning for my degree, I have a future again.
- I am an arrow straight, manly, manly, manly man again.
- I have good emotional control and am calm and easy going now.
- I have become responsible. I actually do stuff. (saying it for the 3rd time but whatever)
- My body is muscling up and I do work out a lot.
So the message I want to shoot you: Everything and anything can change. I was contemplating suicide in my mind already. What a laugh. What a stupid sissy I have been. You can change. You will change. Do change, now!
I DEEPLY REGRET EVER HAVING WATCHED PORN, WITH MY HEART AND SOUL I DO REGRET IT, or something like that.
Cheers, keep strong, make daddy proud.
LINK – I REGRET IT DEEPLY
by Jason Liam
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