I’ve been watching this forum for a while now just reading success stories hoping one day I’d be able to write my own story, to give others hope that are fighting this addiction, that things will get better. Cause I know that I needed it, I was on here every day! At first.
There were few success stories that I couldn’t relate to so it had me worried that I would never be healed. I’m happy to say Today is that day I can finally write my own success story. I don’t want this to be too long but I want to start at the very beginning and not leave anything out.
I think I started watching porn in grade 7 or grade 9 can’t remember. I’m 22 now so I’ve been probably watching it for 7 years now. I never considered myself an addict at the time until I stopped watching porn but I’ll get into that part later. The only reason why I started watching it cuz my friends were making fun of me cuz I didn’t watch it and they found it weird that I didn’t jack off so I tried it and didn’t like it at first then I tried it again a little while later then I just started doing it from there.
I wasn’t doing it that much at first but when I hit the later years in high school I would do it a lot then take like a week or two break then start doing it again. I would beat it when I woke up in the morning and before I went to sleep almost every day and if I wasn’t working or at school then I would do it once or twice in between before bed. At first I used my hand then I got bored of that then I start lying on my stomach and started humping the bed cuz it felt like I was actually having sex and the orgasms would feel so good. I would even masturbate when I wasn’t erect which is really bad for u I heard. I would beat it so much that my dick would hurt. When I would get blow jobs I couldn’t feel it much cuz my dick was desensitized
Anyways fast forward I started having sex when I was 19 everything was normal but I didn’t do it often at all cuz I was paranoid of getting someone pregnant and stuff like that so I basically picked porn over sex cuz it was just easier and I didn’t have to work to get sex.
Then when I was 21 I got a gf and she was a virgin so we weren’t having sex at the time so I was still beating it constantly but not as much as before but I was still doing it. I would get boners around her a lot and we did things but we just didn’t have sex. Later on in our relationship she was ready for sex now we did it twice and everything was perfect. I went four rounds the second time we did it and that night I decided to stop watching porn for good cuz I didn’t feel right watching it while I was with my partner. Kind of felt like I was cheating since we’re having sex now and stuff.
So I stopped then two or three weeks later we were kissing and what not then I got hard and when she went to give me a bj I went soft that has never happened to me before I was confused and worried cuz I didn’t know what was going on then she asked me if i was nervous I said yeah which I was cuz there was ppl home and we always do it in the basement.
The next time we chilled I get hard again then I try and put it in her vagina and I went soft while putting on the condom and I just feel bad at this point and confused and embarrassed cuz I’m too young to be having these problems. When that happened she asked me if there’s something wrong, I didn’t know what to say at the time so when I drove her home I had told her that I stopped watching porn and I think that’s the cause of it.
She didn’t say anything so I tried talking to her asking her why she’s so quiet. I was getting a bit mad cuz I poured out something so deep to her and she didn’t say anything. So I guess I was kinda annoying trying to get an answer and out of know where she was like idk what u want me to say about ur penis not working.
Then I just went quiet cuz that hurt me a lot like a lot then later that night she had told me her heart sank when I went soft again cuz that’s never happen before. That’s why I think I was a functioning porn addict cuz when I was watching porn I did not experience these things at all. And as soon as I stopped I started to see problems. That’s when I knew I was an addict.
So after the situation I watched a lot of Noah Church videos and Gabe Deem and that’s when I learned about porn addict. I just stopped watching porn on my own I didn’t realize there was a whole science about how bad porn was for ur brain. Then it all started to make sense to me. Then I went on the yourbrainonporn website for more information and Google and then I eventually found myself on this forum later on in my reboot.
But anyways so after I found out this new info things had calmed down with me and my girl and I told her about everything I learned and she apologized about before cuz it was a lot for to take and she didn’t know how to handle it. I apologized to her also for putting her through this situation cuz she should not have to suffer too because I was addicted to porn. I just felt bad that we only had sex twice and then these problems started to happen. I felt like I robbed her of a normal sex life.
So we talked and I told her everything that I learned she watched one video and she said she’ll support me 100% since I was doing it for her and myself. She knew about the whole reboot and rewiring stuff. The porn withdrawal wasn’t that bad I was moody a lot and had to pee a lot at first idk and I was paranoid that my girl would cheat on me while I was rebooting and I got sick which rarely happens to me and I was staying up really late cuz I couldn’t sleep.
I didn’t have any temptations to go back to porn at all during the first month. So during the first month I wasn’t able to get hard and my dick was small and cold and no morning woods. Then the second month came I was better I would get hard but it would go away every time I put on a condom that’s when I did some more research about that happen and they called it performance anxiety I was always scared to do it cuz I wanted to give her the sex that she deserves but I was always worried about me getting a boner and maintaining it.
So I talked to her about it and told her about my anxiety and I told her that I wanna take a break from trying to have sex cuz like I was just feeling bad each time I couldn’t stay hard so we took a break for 2 weeks where I didn’t orgasm then we came back and tried to do it and this time I was able to stay hard and I lasted a decent amount of time. Tried to go a second round but it was a weak boner. Then we did it again two days later and we went like that for another week or two then I decided to take another break cuz I was hard but I wasn’t as hard as I use to be and it was another two week break. Then I was able to go two rounds and I was cumming fast at first.
So this is my third month now and we take another break because she had school and she was busy a lot so we never really got to see each other a lot until yesterday so we did it and I was really hard for the first three rounds and the 4th one I was decently hard and I went for a decent amount of time. I finally got back to doing four rounds again. I forgot the week prior to that I went to the doctors to check my testosterone but he didn’t think I needed it checked cuz I was young and he asked me why I wanted it checked, then I told him everything about the porn and he just said ull get better quick as long as u stop watching porn for a little bit.
I’m gonna sum everything up now. So when I started this journey I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be myself I thought I would never be able to have good sex with my gf again. It seemed like me quitting porn did more harm than good at the time. But I stuck with it and I’ve seen the result of quitting and it’s worth it. My girl help me through it was really patient with me which I owe her a lot for that.
The things I did that help me was to just quit porn totally and to rewire with a girl and take breaks from orgasms and I started to go to the gym I also think that helped a lot and I started eating better.
I’m gonna talk about my relapses now I think I relapsed a total of 3 or 4 times. The first one was during the two month period I was worried that I threw away all my progress and I thought I’d have to wait longer to have sex and I thought my brain would go back to its old ways but I don’t think it set me back at all tbh. I relapse by watching porn for like ten minutes and ejaculating to it. The second time I jacked off without porn and I edged a bit and the third time happened right before the three month mark I just edged again and I looked at a pic quickly on Instagram of a model in a bikini I know it’s soft but my heart was beating fast and stuff. I felt tempted cuz I wasn’t seeing my girl a lot at one point and went awhile without masturbating so I just broke and it ate me up each time.
During my journey I had been getting a good amount of morning woods and I had two wet dreams which I thought would never happen to me! I don’t think my journey is done yet tho. Noah said progress could be non linear meaning I could have a really good day one week and a bad one for the next couple until ur brain resets but I don’t see that happening right now hopefully. I’m just happy that I’ve seen a lot of improvement from the first day I started this journey to now.
If u guys have any questions ill reply to everyone
BY – Helpinghand