[25 days no P, 14, no MO, a couple questions]
Hey everyone, 22 year old male, was masturbating since very early, chronically and prone since about 12 or 13. Got into harder and harder porn as the years went by, eventually basically only looked at hardcore bdsm for the past 5 years or so (not 100 percent of the time but maybe 90%). Had very low libido, terrible confidence with girls even though I was being hit on a lot, finally stumbled onto this site and quit the porn on the spot. I had quit the prone masturbation too around 2 or 3 weeks before as well, I had become aware it could cause ED (which I hadn’t noticed I had since all my orgasms during masturbation happened without a full erection). Pretty sure the damage from the prone masturbation is healed, as early in my reboot I relapsed a couple times and was the proud owner of a 100% erect penis for the first time in ages, though I had to fantasize about bdsm to get it. I think I’m now starting to flatline, was super horny for a while but not so much anymore, plus kind of have a “dead penis” feeling.
[Day 29] I have almost no urge to fantasize about sex anymore, unlike some days before. After i woke up from the more resting sleep i was able to get a full erection only by a gentle touch and with some kegel support. It lasted for over 5 minutes after i stopped touching. Although during the rest of the day it feels impossible to have an erection, the libido is not present despite my penis feels sensible
[5 Weeks] So Ive gone 5 weeks no PMO, was getting strong morning wood every day and semi-erections from girls (though mainly on the bus, oddly), now in the past few days ive only gotten morning wood once and it was pretty weak. My energy level seems to be way way lower too. On the other hand, though, the fantasies that were popping into my head on a regular basis seem to have vanished! Could I be flatlining after all this time? I have to say that it’s hard for me to judge my libido as I was barely sexually active my whole PMO life.
[40 days and still can’t get it up] Been 40 days no PMO and yesterday I was feeling great. Pretty sure I’ve been flatlining but my libido hasn’t been too bad and my energy level is way up. Mentally everything’s awesome. So I decided to see where I was physically. Genitals were hanging low and large, seemed like a good sign, gave them a couple normal strokes.
Nothing. Went a bit harder and faster. Nothing. Stopped at that. I was masturbating prone my whole life, so I guess my penis will take longer than usual to resensitize, but still. Nothing?? After 40 days?? I’m basically depressed now. Not giving up but man it will suck to have my brain in balance and my penis totally screwed…
[Week 7-Not sure where I stand] Just finished off week 7, feeling good but had a couple of near-misses the past few weeks that I think may have set me back a bit. Had a couple instances about a week and half ago where I woke up with morning wood and, basically out of instinct, started rubbing it against my blanket (I used to masturbate prone). Didn’t last very long before I stopped myself, maybe a couple strokes, but after the second time I definately noticed fuzziness and a lack of focus that had previously cleared out of my head. Found it harder to keep myself from fantasizing too, a problem which had vanished before. Still feeling some “brain worms” and my focus isn’t quite back to where it was before, but I’m doing better.
[Day 64, first wet dream ever!] So in my whole 22 years of life I’ve never had a wet dream, this morning I had 2! Feels good though my head is a bit fuzzy. Although I’ve read that the wet dreams can set your reboot back a bit, should I be taking this as a sign of progress? I am pretty far into the reboot now, after all, and for all I know (I haven’t been able to get any REAL sex yet, unfortunately) I am cured already anyways.
[ Well, it looks like I’m cured ] After having successful sex for the first time around day 72, I thought I was cured. But there was still doubt in my mind. I didn’t last very long, and had a sneaking suspicion that my erection was being propped up by involuntary kegels (I had been doing a lot of them, and they started happening automatically whenever I’d have any kind of erection). Plus, I wasn’t getting any of these mythical spontaneous erections. So I held off for another 30 days or so, slowed down the kegels and started doing reverse kegels, and then 3 days ago I had sex again.
I think I can say I’m cured. Erection was strong from foreplay and stayed strong throughout. No help from kegels. Went for around 45 minutes until she was too tired to go anymore! She came multiple times, but, in the one negative I could find, I couldn’t come. I’m sure I could have with some fantasy or maybe even some kegels, but I didn’t want to jinx anything. My penis is still pretty desensitized, obviously, but that will change in time.
So, to everyone out there struggling with doubt or anxiety or fear about this whole process, take it from me: it will work. I had a 2-6 time a day habit for 8-10 years. I was masturbating prone. I went from pictures of girls in bikinis to constant BDSM fantasies where I was the woman. I had just about every insane fantasy imaginable. I went through crippling parts of my life, never having a girlfriend, never having sex, and constantly beating myself up for not doing so. I’m a good looking guy and attracted lots of women throughout my life who could never figure out what was wrong with me when I wouldn’t pursue them. I always chalked it up to anxiety, and that was a factor, but it was exacerbated and modified by the porn. Woman became these mythical creatures with all this power and I had no idea how to approach them. In my fantasies, everything was simple; I was helpless but being satisfied. In real life everything is different.
This all has or is changing. All of a sudden I feel masculine. Women don’t seem terrifying or imposing anymore. I feel attracted to them just by looking, not through fantasy or role-play. It seems worth the risk of talking and connecting now, where before, my sex drive was so warped that it didn’t really matter to me whether I got laid or not, except emotionally. I still have anxiety and shyness. The reboot isn’t an instant cure, but it’s the first step in making everything better.
Basically what I’m trying to say is that if my brain can be cured, so can yours. I only had sex once before the first time I talked about here and I barely had what could be laughably called an erection. This time I lasted forever and I had had 3 beers in me! So do it. Just force yourself to look at the goal. Even if your confidence is so shot that you feel like you’ll never get any girls no matter how great your erection is, tell yourself that it will get better. Because it will.
For everyone wanting to know how I knew I was ready to have sex, the first thing I’ll say is not to worry about the spontaneous erections. Especially if you’re like me and wired your brain up to porn for years and years before you had any encounters with girls, you probably won’t get any. What tipped me off was getting an erection to an ACTUAL POSSIBILITY of sex. My brain wasn’t looking at all these hot girls and giving me and erection because there was no need for it. But when I engaged in some dirty texting, all of a sudden my penis started to move. This was a consistent effect. Even today, I was texting a girl, nothing overtly sexual, just the suspicion that she was flirting with me. And there was life downstairs. I never got a full erection, but then again I didn’t need one! And it was ready when I did need one.
So, once again, don’t give up! Tell yourself there’ll be time for everything you’re missing out on later. Keep yourself away from fantasy. I gave up video games and television for most of my reboot. I believe it helped my brain heal faster. I’m one of those guys who make up stats, names, back stories for everything in video games and I love fantasy so stopping that probably weakened the pathways in my brain which were so addicted to the fantasy. So go outside. Take up a hobby. Find someone with nothing to do and go throw the football around. The days will start flying by. Then you can count the weeks.
And of course, thanks to Marnia for all her time and help and Gary for all his research and dedication. I can honestly say the day I found yourbrainonporn.com was one of the most important days of my life.
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