Day 71 report: Long time lurker, first time posting
Background: I’m a 23 year old guy, starting watching porn at around 13-14
Over the years I’ve seen a marked drop in my sex drive and desire to have sex with “real” women
I’ve never had a hard time getting girls but the girls that were interested in me usually weren’t the ones I liked, and when I did find a girl attractive I would eventually start picking out little things about her and decide I was wrong to think she was so perfect in the first place.
I’ve had sex with around 15 different girls since starting college but never really truly enjoyed it unless I had been drinking or doing drugs. Otherwise I would have sex mainly because it’s what people are “supposed” to do, I would convince myself I was into it and then
When I was alone again I would fantasize about fucking other girls from my past hookups/relationships When this wasn’t enough id turn to porn
At the peak of my addiction, I was watching porn several times per day… I would start watching on my phone before I got out of bed
List of benefits and changes so far: (not ordered)
1 – I can have normal conversations without walking away thinking of the whole interaction over and over, instead I just walk away and go back to thinking of whatever I was on my way to go do.
2 – From where I am viewing the world now, I cannot believe I spent so much time watching porn… I never want to waste another second on it
3 – My long term goals are easily translated into daily tasks, and I no longer feel like Im just wasting time until the day ends
4 – I have no strong desire to look at porn or fap (at the moment) mainly because I just see it in a different light now, Im able to ask myself “why would I even do that, what will I get out of it that will make my situation better?”
My goals make more sense, and I have let go of the fear and self-doubt which used to severely limit my actions. For example: I used to frame things in terms of:
“I could get that job but I won’t be making enough money and it’ll be a waste since it isn’t related to the career field I want anyway, I’ve already wasted too many years, I can’t recover from this”
And now my current mindset is:
“This job will be a perfect way to meet new people and work hard for some quick cash while I develop some new skills, it’s outside of my comfort zone and it’s gonna be a rush, plus I can use this to get a better paying job in less than a year, all while I keep working at my long term career and education goals”
5 – I’m less attached to toxic people, as well as people who just aren’t a positive part of my journey to where I want to go. I don’t hate any of them, in fact I wish them all the best, our lives just happened to need to part ways. Before I would feel bad about not texting certain people back, inviting them out with other friends etc. I would avoid confrontation and try to appease everyone. Now I speak my mind and invite others to do so also, I walk right into the conflict and address it with them right away.
6 – I have better self control in all areas and find myself thinking things like “okay 10 more minutes and then no phone until this assignment is done and submitted” This is a trait/habit I have noticed all of my “successful” friends have. I’m not bothered by instagram posts from my exes/models/porn stars or by porn on twitter/snapchat
I apologize for starting off with such a lengthy post, I promise I’ll raise the quality next time.
I wish you guys and girls all the best on this crazy journey…