Well everyone it has been a long journey to this point. Background: I started PMO when I was 10 years old. For the past 12-13 years it has basically run my life. I was addicted by age 12. When I say addicted I mean using 4-10 times a day. Spending 4-8 hours a day on porn. I’ve been actively trying to quit / cutback since age 16.
I’ve failed quitting 100’s of times. So hopefully that inspires some of you out there who are relapsing every 7 days 🙂
What changed for me? I found God. I honestly don’t think I could have made it this far without the power of the holy spirit and the change in mindset that being a Latter-Day Saint has given me.
Previously the longest I had ever gone on my own was 31 days. This was about 2 years ago. I really thought I was gonna be able to quit for good and then I took a trip to Las Vegas and visited my first strip club. Big Mistake! I immediately fapped after visiting the strip club. All the built up sexual tension was too much for me to handle.
About a year ago I lost my virginity (I had gotten BJ’s and stuff and had many attempts at sex before this but…I had PIED so it didn’t work out). after a 2 week period of nofap. This only served to increase my addiction – my girlfriend became the outlet for all my messed up sexual fantasies that I developed through porn. It was a lot of fun at first but I always felt guilty / weird doing this stuff. When watching this stuff in porn I thought it would feel so awesome, but I ended up feeling like a sick weirdo.
Fast forward to now, the benefits are 100% worth quitting. I have never been more productive, I have never been more happy. Fapping and porn is a drug – it makes you numb to the pain in your life. That is why so many are addicted to it. But this pain exists for a reason, it exists to challenge you to drive you to take action and make a change! If you numb that pain you will not be driven and you will not change. I’ve lived most of my life fapping and I now realize I have only been living 1/10th of the life I could be living.
I have written countless journals, done countless exercises, relapsed countless times and I wish I could share the entirety of my journey with each of you so you could know my struggle and apply the lessons to your own lives. But I can’t. I’ve thrown away most of those journals in shame when I failed. My struggle exists mainly in my memories and it isn’t very good, so no luck there. But here is my advice to you:
- Get in touch with your spiritual side, whether it is the Church of Jesus Christ, Catholicism, Hinduism, meditation…whatever it is and practice it. Elevate your mind to a higher level. A quote that is attributed to Einstein says ‘You cannot solve a problem from the same mindset that created it.’ You have to tap into a greater mind to solve the problems created by your animal brain. Find that mind and develop it within yourself.
- Find your reason(s) to quit. Anthony Robbins said “WHY is greater than HOW”. He was talking about reasons being greater for motivation than plans. If you have a strong enough reason to quit you will find a plan. If you have the best plan in the world but no reason to quit, you won’t act upon that plan with fulness. I have started a small site dedicated to nofap – I plan on growing it more, but I am somewhat busy so don’t judge me for going slow – it contains the exercise I adapted from ‘The Power Within’ which helped me tremendously not just to quit addictions (weed, coffee and now fap!) but to motivate myself in other areas as well. My site is www.nofapguide.wordpress.com – if you have a request for specific content, post a comment on the site or PM here.
- Replace fap. When you quit doing something you are left with a vacuum of free time, boredom, and in our case withdrawals. So you need to find an activity that will take up this free time and provide you with pleasure – as fap once did. Preferably, this activity will be physical as fap provides physical release and pleasure. I chose sports and exercise. This was a huge part of my recovery. Anytime I feel a strong urge I can lift or go for a run or go play volleyball. I tire myself out and I feel a small boost in endorphins. The urge to fap subsides because I was distracted and I feel good.
- Bioenergetics & Meditation – these are more ways to feel good and feel in control of your mind and body. (Also Elliot Hulse is the man!)
- Get rid of your computer! Seriously, either get rid of it or put it somewhere where you will have no privacy when you use it. Downgrade your smartphone to flip-phone. You will save money and no internet means no porn! (I use puretalk usa if anyone needs a cheap provider). I sold my computer and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I’m a web designer and I still manage to get stuff done – I just use my work computer / family computer when I need to use the internet. So really, do you NEED a laptop in your room for work? Don’t let your brain rationalize you into this trap.
- Post on this reddit / help other people as you succeed. If you stay focused on helping others and being a good example for them – you will have that much more strength when urges come.
- Live your life to the fullest. Start to live up to your potential, every human has great potential, things like fap, drugs and negativity stop us from reaching that potential.
- Do not edge / do not fantasize. It sounds harder than it is. This one principle has helped me more times than I can count. Anytime I catch myself thinking about sex I close my eyes and imagine ‘pushing’ the thought out of my mind. Then I think of something else – usually love and having an amazing relationship. This one takes practice but it well worth it.
I know this has been a bit of a rant but hey, I want to help you guys as much as possible and I know that new users tend to read the 90 day reports a lot and give a lot of credit to us 90-dayers.
If you would have asked me a year ago if I could go 90 days without fap, I would have told you no way. I would have imagined that anyone who could go 90 days would never fap again. Now it seems like such a short period of time. I’ve read about people who did nofap for a year and have relapsed. I think the lesson here is that 90 days is just the beginning and we must live in constant vigilance (thanks mad-eye moody!) or we too will fall.
I love you guys, God loves you. I pray that I never fap again. You are all in my prayers and I hope that this post is what pushes you forward today and that you will remember this message when you feel that this trial is unbeatable.
Stay strong brothers.