Age 23 – I have experienced slow and gradual improvement in my state of mind and sociability

This might be lengthy/random/unusual, so buckle up.

132 days ago I decided that I wanted to improve myself. I was tired of spending my whole life in my room and feeling down/depressed as well as constantly nagged by various addictions of varying degrees. So I did something about it.

The first thing I did was stop fapping. Threw out/deleted any porn material I had, and called it quits. That was the easy part. I still have days with bad urges and often find myself fantasizing. Though as of late urges are generally state dependent (ie hangovers or other), and fantasies are of people I’ve actually met and am attracted to. This is good. I’ve snuck some peeks at nude photos and whatnot (nobody’s perfect), but stop myself and back out. I’ll note here the two biggest helps for me in regards to NoFap. Tell yourself “I don’t fap”. Everytime you have an urge, or see some nudes (you’re bound to stumble upon sexual content on the web), just remind yourself that you are not a person who faps. Secondly, if you haven’t already, go watch this video: If you can get yourself behind his ideals and agree that porn is disgusting, abusive, exploitation of women, then you won’t WANT to watch it. I like women as PEOPLE, and I won’t support those who profit and promote this kind of “entertainment”.

I did some other things as well not necessarily related to NoFap, but in the same vein. I stopped drinking coffee almost completely (ie. kicked my addiction). Used to drink every morning, now it’s once or twice a month. My coffee maker doesn’t get used anymore. You might be surprised how much something as innocent as coffee will affect your mood throughout the day when your body expects it and relies on it to remain in a “happy” state. Not good then, better now. I’m just as awake in the morning (as long as I sleep enough) and don’t crash/have headaches anymore.

I stopped smoking weed. This was probably the hardest for me, much harder than quitting porn/fapping. I still slip up because it’s a very situational/social thing and it’s easy to have others convince you “it’s ok to have a little”, where fapping is a solo act and all you have to do is hold out against yourself. This had a huge mental impact on me, with clarity of mind and also breaking the often weed+fap relationship.

I barely drink anymore. When I’m out with friends I might have one or two beers. I don’t drink at home anymore. Drinking less = less hangovers = less urges. Good stuff.

I spend a whole lot less time on Reddit/Facebook/Twitter than I used to. I saw a quote somewhere about “You might get bunches of up-votes and likes, but your co-workers can’t see that and they still think you’re a moron”. I just think of this whenever I feel like wasting time online. The internet is a tool and should be treated as such (IMO). Surfing provides the same dopamine hit one gets from browsing porn, looking for the next interesting post or cool thing to see. The less I am online, the less I’m thinking about online things. This means I can be more present and “in the world” than if I’m thinking about some post I saw this morning or what I want to buy from eBay. Presence is my best friend.

So, back to NoFap and why all this matters (or doesn’t) to you. I quickly realized at the onset of my NoFap journey that removing porn wasn’t enough. I still had the same state of mind, could find other vices and addictive behaviors to fall back on.

Weed was the biggest one for me. I decided to cut coffee as well because like with porn and weed, it was something that I had cravings for and felt I “needed” regularly to keep a level state of mind. I don’t think any healthy person should “need” an external substance or behavior to be “satisfied” for the day. This is what life is for. I’ll relate this back to porn, because as we know porn is as much an addicting “drug” as weed and caffeine can be. I cut back drinking as well, because it was way to easy for me to have a few drinks at home and say “well I’m not doing much tonight, why don’t I go smoke a bowl and dick around online for a while”.

Now I find things to do. Anything productive really. Going to social events, even if I’m not particularly interested in them just for the sake of going out and being social. This is great medicine. I started exercising again (and believe people when they say it’s magic), going on 8+ mile bike rides every other day or just doing a 20 minute workout/yoga video at home. It doesn’t take much to reap the mental benefits. I’m reading more, finished several books I had been “working on” for months in the past couple weeks. Bringing other personal projects to completion. I have a better attitude about my job, which can be quite demanding at times. It’s great.

Some people mention “super powers” around here. I have yet to see those. I have experienced slow and gradual improvement in my state of mind and sociability, but that’s it. Women are not jumping down my pants, I am not suddenly able to leap metaphorical buildings in a single bound. Improving myself is absolutely still WORK, but it’s easier work without these things weighing me down.

I think I’ll cut it at that. I hope you can find some inspiration and/or useful tips in here. If you have questions feel free to post/PM me, though I (intentionally) may not get back to them for a few days. This is a great place and I wish everyone luck, and I hope I can help a few other brave souls out there.

LINK – 132 day status report. Don’t think I need to be here anymore.

by JayWalkerC



Good, bad, and 13 days of ugly

Hey guys. I’m going to ramble a bit here since I can’t sleep and getting some thoughts out of my head helps. 23M FWIW

So, the good. Thirteen days down, going for all of June (and beyond!) with no PMO. To be honest, it’s been pretty easy. Not to say I haven’t had urges, but I made things a little easier on myself by deleting all of my porn and simply not touching myself. I’ve noticed a slight change in the way I behave/think around women. Not drastic, but something worth noting (basically thinking less fucky).

The bad. I’m still in this shitty depressing streak I’ve been in for months. If my mood has changed in this regard, it’s been marginal. Still not knowing what to do with myself, putting pressure on myself for not achieving… I don’t know what’s up with this. It’s stupid, but yet here I am thinking negatively all the time. I find anything difficult to be interested in or be active about, even things I usually find exciting (programming, games, technology etc.).

<ramble> Admittedly, these are rather solo/antisocial activities much of the time. I even have a nice job that has programming and working with cool technology. For some reason I make it out like it’s not good enough in my head, like I should still be doing other super hardcore techie stuff on my own all the time. Lately I’ve been questioning that, whether should just get outside of the house and fuck around when I’m not at work. I want to go be more social but at the same time my hobbies condemn it. Weird train of thought maybe for some people, but I’ve been a “do it myself” guy my whole life. I got my job by mastering this stuff on my own. Yet here I am now questioning all of that, hence not knowing what to do with myself. </ramble>

Then there’s the ugly. I think I’m starting to realize some things about myself. Things I maybe don’t want to admit. Sure, I have/had a PMO problem, but I don’t think it was the problem. I have numerous addictions, each with a relative level of pull as fapping was. A few weeks ago, after work I’d usually fap, smoke weed, drink some beer, or do all three. That, or replace them with mindlessly internetting for hours. I stopped fapping, now I just smoke more weed when I would be fapping. This is arguably more productive than fapping because I clean and stuff… but it gets my mood down (guess I’m the oddball). It also makes it hard for me to sleep, and I still end up online for hours. Like just an hour ago my neighbor wanted to chill, so we did, and here I am high and not able to sleep. Like I didn’t see this coming or something. Maybe it’s just my usage patterns, smoking a lot alone so it becomes an anti-social activity for me. I dunno. Maybe it’s not the problem either, but something in my life has got to change so I can drop this shitty mood/feeling/attitude/negativity about life. It’s fucking lame.

Sorry for the wall of text. Putting things in words helps organize my thoughts. I know I’m not alone here, I just feel trapped in my head sometimes.