In that time I’ve fapped 17 times. Not quite the “NEVER AGAIN!” result I had in mind when I really committed to breaking this, but it’s a journey.
I just wanted to put my hand up and say ‘hey, bit of a milestone, here’s where it’s at.’
I haven’t noticed any ‘superpowers’, but I am generally a changed and changing person. I know so much more about myself, my addiction and the real causes, thanks to counselling and being really honest and critical (in a good way) of myself. I’m slowly reconnecting with my wife – we’re still separated but we’re spending time together and I’m more courageous and more engaged in that space than I have ever been. Still a long way to go, but it’s a lot better than it was 90 days ago.
I still have compulsions to look at porn, especially the last week or so, but I’m aware now of what a hollow promise it is, and that my desire is really for something deeper and more fulfilling and porn undermines that instead of supporting that. I’ve also realise that (for me, I know there’s differing opinions on this) MO is as much, if not more of a problem, than porn. It’s happening a lot less without the porn, but I see now that it’s a beast all of it’s own and one I’m determined to conquer.
Nothing spectacular to see here, but I thought I’d drop a line in case this helps somebody out there.
Here’s to 90 days MO free as well!