EARLIER POST – No Fap taught me I was afraid of sex
That seems really strange (and difficult) to admit, but it’s true. I grew up in an environment that discouraged pre-marital sex. I do not necessarily think promoting abstinence is a bad thing, but it gave me mixed feelings about sex. Certain sex was deemed “bad” but I knew sex is beautiful. You can imagine what this cognitive dissonance, along with PMO over the years, did to me. As any young man I wanted to have sex, but still had those negative thoughts about it, while simultaneously knowing that I want my first time to be with someone I know that I love.
I am now 23 and am still a virgin. I’m content with my virginity. My ideas about sex have obviously changed, but they are still being shaped. Once I got away from PMO through No Fap, I realized that part of me was afraid of sex. Even when I watched porn I stayed away from hardcore. The thought of having sex seemed awesome, but I feared that if I was in the actual moment I would embarrass myself. No fap has taught a lot, but two things stand out: 1) confidence and 2) don’t put pussy on a pedestal. It finally made me brave enough to seek out sources of information and education on sex. All the sources I’ve read say the same thing, porn creates unrealistic expectations on sex. I want to have realistic expectations and be able to have a beautiful (and beautifully awkward) first time experience.
TL;DR-No Fap made me realize part of me was afraid of sex, so it made me brave enough to seek out education. Now I think I’m moving toward more realistic expectations.
90 DAY POST – 90 day milestone-hardmode-not an April Fool’s joke
I have reached my original goal of 90 days hard mode! This has been such a great experience.
When I started this journey off I was doing it on my own by way of a new year’s resolution. I did that for three weeks with a lot of difficulty and made my way here and found that the support of this community was what I really needed to keep me on track.
Here are a couple of things I learned during my journey:
Confidence begets confidence-No Fap takes confidence to pursue, but the great thing about it is it produces more self-confidence. I’m not saying super powers type stuff (though those may come and go), I just mean a steady higher level of confidence. I have used this confidence to approach women, write risky papers for classes, I am meeting with a huge scholar in my field of study one on one tomorrow, I just applied to a summer job on the other half of the US, and I am applying for a fellowship in the UK!
Part of me was afraid of sex: this is by far the strangest realization I came to, you can read about it in detail in my thread about it. But No Fap gave me the courage to seek out sexual education instead of feeling weird about it. It has definitely put sex back into perspective for me.
I don’t have to give as much of a FUCK as I used to: before No Fap, the smallest upsets used to bug the hell out of me. If something with a paper, a test, or a girl didn’t work out, I was out of commission for weeks, maybe even months. I never gave up, but I never gave everything my best shot. Now when something upsetting happens I assess the situation with more of a level head. I don’t try to get rid of those emotions, instead, like the temptation to Fap, I let it in so I can use that energy elsewhere.
As far as future goals, I think my next goal is 150 days, again with the end goal of the whole year (and I can only pray the rest of my life) in mind. I am officially taking myself off of hard mode, but as of right now I will involuntarily still be on that track, and I’m fine with that.
Again I am SO thankful for this community. For those of you still working on your first goal, or your first 90 day milestone, don’t give up! So many people here, including myself, are here for you. Every moment you don’t give into PMO is a victory, a sign post of a new life to come.
UPDATE, 250 DAYS – Haven’t been on in a while, but hey, 250 check-in!
Between getting a girlfriend, starting the semester, and living life, I haven’t been checking this subreddit (or any for that matter) much. I think that might be testament enough to how this No Fap lifestyle has helped me.
There are a lot of difficulties in my life I wish I could change (no car, long commute to school, no job, not enough time for stuff, student loans, etc), but overall, I’m happy. A lot of that comes from learning to use the time I do have for things I care about, like school, my family, my friends, my relationship. No Fap helped me hone in on that.
So friends, keep going, don’t give up, because PMO is just one more thing eating away at your time, your life, and your happiness when so many other things can contribute to that!
UPDATE, 1 YEAR – Well friends, it’s been quite a year
But I made it, and it’s thanks to this community.
A little over a year ago I remember feeling such emptiness and shame over my last PMO I realized I had to do something, so in my list of goals for 2014 I wrote first “Be awesome” which was code for me to stop PMO. A few days in I found NoFap, and began this journey how so many of us have, with a goal of 90 days. But I didn’t stop there, I kept going.
If you look at my previous posts you will find tons of ups and downs. But not really ups and downs of urges and superpowers, but the typical ups and downs of life. NoFap basically healed my brain. I began to feel strong emotions that I hadn’t felt since I was in middle school, I got let go by the girl I was pursuing for nine months after an incredible first date, I realized that I was afraid of sex and sexuality and decided to seek out real sexual education and health, I started dating a girl who really helped me experience things I NEVER would have done before (including my first sexual experiences, though we felt it was best for us for that to not include intercourse), and finally the break up with said girl that I’m still working through.
NoFap is certainly about getting away from PMO and the varieties that includes, and in some ways it is about the strange phenomenons people experience like super powers, social anxiety going away, learning to better yourself, etc. Ultimately, though, at least in my experience, it is about learning to live life again. For me PMO was a crutch that I could always turn to whenever I was down, and though it wasn’t an extreme one that I always had with me, it was still all too convenient. I know for many of you, PMO has kept you from getting out, experiencing life, bettering yourself, making friends, talking to girls/guys, or a satisfying sex life with your SO, but just know that the fact that you’re here, the fact that you see a purple rocket next to my name and you’re reading this stream-of-consciousness word vomit I’m writing is testament to your recognition of that and want for change. You are able, you can do it, I am no one special, and the number beside my name doesn’t give me any more authority or voice than anyone else here. But come here, learn, read, and then learn to not come here.
As far as where I go on from here: I have made my goals for 2015, and the number one goal is still “be awesome” because I want to kick PMO for the rest of my life if possible. In May I graduate with my master’s degree, and I’m unsure what life looks like immediately after that. If I would have said that before I met my most recent ex (which really I only had the confidence to talk to because NoFap), I would have fallen apart, and beyond that if I would have said that before NoFap I probably would have had a heart attack. But I’m going to be alright, life goes on, and that’s what NoFap should teach you: life is more than what seems most pressing in the moment, whether that’s a person, an event, or an urge for PMO. So keep going, friends, and never forget that NoFap is not random events that include highs and lows, but it’s a narrative.
TL;DR I’m so glad I made it a year, but through all the highs and lows of my journey, NoFap has taught me, first and foremost, how to simply live life. I hope it teaches you that too.