Age 23 – Learning to think for myself

When I grew up, I had really overprotective, conservative parents where sex was not an acceptable topic of conversation. In my youth, the youth pastor at our conservative church hammered into us that sex = bad and if you masturbate you cannot help but be addicted.

Obviously, if you trust someone who says something like this and you’ve masturbated a few times, you come to think of yourself as someone with a problem, and then you start to live out the problem you think you have. Such is how my problems with PMO started.

I was super smart and not particularly social growing up, and because I could have digital sex anytime I wanted, I had no motivation to go out and become social in order to meet pretty girls to go out with. Thus, I remained very closed.

The one time I did start going out with a girl in early high school, our parents (both very conservative) found out we were sneaking out to make out and mess around, they banned us from speaking to each other and monitored us via an “accountability group” at church, at school, at home, on the phone, etc. So, I developed some pretty twisted conceptions of other people and love and sex and the world in general.

Skip to college. I am away from my parents. I don’t talk to them for a year. I become a radical atheist. Then also a radical communist. Then also a radical anarchist. I became deeply entrenched in the study of philosophy. I still consistently masturbated, though I tried to be more social. I had no luck with women because I was not emotionally mature, however. I was terrified of rejection and thought like a middle school kid. Then I started reading about pickup.

Pickup was how I learned to be cool, at least on the outside (because aspects of it lay out social rules and how social systems work). I learned to party and host parties and be well liked by a social group.

Another year later, I’m binge drinking regularly and smoking weed regularly. Periodically using opiates, xanex, and lots of other drugs. And of course PMO is still very frequent. My grades slip due to being irresponsible. I drop out of college.

I realize that I’ve fucked up and my life shouldn’t be going in the direction that it is, and that I didn’t understand myself. At this time, intellectually and philosophically, I was moving more and more toward individualist anarchism and then individualism. My focus on individualism directed me into the nature of myself and learning how I work, while also understanding how I related to reality. This got me into the metaphysics of mind and especially into spiritual and occult ideas.

Over the period of a year, I started encountering more and more people who were in this mindset who I intellectually interrogated to understand their ideas. I found that I deeply agreed with much of it. I won’t go into too much of it here, especially the esoteric stuff.

So, the more conventional aspect of the idea that your beliefs create your reality is what’s important here. I used meditation among other things to work on becoming more conscious of my beliefs and also calming myself down. I realized that my beliefs about myself and about the people around me and the world and how my feelings worked were creating a very negative life and reality. So, I started the project of changing my beliefs, actions, feelings, and habits. That was two years ago.

Now, I’m back in college at age 23 studying philosophy and computer science. I haven’t had any marijuana, alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, opiates, etc. for at least 6 months (though probably longer). I’m still open to psychedelic drugs once or twice a year because they can be really beneficial in personal and spiritual ways. I haven’t masturbated in over 100 days, and don’t have any plans to go back. I exercise every day and have noticed considerable gains in strength and body size. I eat a vegan diet now. I’ve stopped playing video games, and I’m cutting out all TV and movies for the time being, and planning to delete my reddit account in the near future. I take an ice cold shower every day. I meditate for 30 minutes every day. I read for 40 minutes every day. I’ve had sex with a sexy model-esque girl a couple times (I was a virgin previously). Since she’s not around anymore, I’m feeling a lot of motivation to go out and meet more beautiful women and have lots of great sex. I go hiking and ride my bike and plan to do more fun sports and outdoor activities in general. I’m learning about business and investment and how to manage money so that I have that route open as an option. I’m looking to the future every day and learning new skills. I’m taking improv comedy classes. I go to a drum tribe and dance once a week. I plan to take salsa or swing classes soon. I’m more comfortable and confident around people in general. I love myself! Life is great!

In summary, NoFap doesn’t give you magic powers. NoFap is the result of the real magic, which is in your heart. You already have the magic powers latent within you! If you truly commit to changing, and follow through, then your world will change with enough time, because you can’t help but change it with the effort you put in from a real enchanting commitment!

PS: As it turned out, that youth pastor was soliciting sex with prostitutes using his church email all those years he was telling us that garbage.

LINK – 100 day report: HARDMODE

by AesirAnatman