This has been undoubtedly one of the greatest decisions I have ever made in my entire life.
Let’s start by telling you where I was 90 days ago. I had just gotten into another stupid argument with my ex-girlfriend. For some reason, I was so dependent on physical affection that when it wasn’t there, I would spiral into a world of panic. This panic would cause me to hold back and I would end up neglecting her emotionally.
I remember one day she told me “stop looking at me like I’m a piece of meat!” To my confusion, I had no idea what she was talking about. I knew I did not feel that way about her, but my unknowing addiction to PMO caused me to act in ways that demonstrated exactly that. I did treat her like a piece of meat. In her anger, she told me that I needed to get my shit together. I felt the pain in her voice. It woke me up.
Around this same time, YouTube recommended a video to me. It was on a two week nofap experience. I engaged in PMO a day before viewing this video and I remember how unsatisfied I was after. I wanted this to change but I just didn’t know how. I did some more research and with everything happening the way it did, I knew I had to commit to the 90 days. Here are some things I’ve learned:
1) I had a porn addiction. Honestly, I never thought I did. It never got in the way of school, work, etc. I never felt like it was getting in the way of my daily functioning. Maybe not time wise, but it definitely dictated how I saw other people. I did not realize how much I had conditioned myself to feel good through orgasm. If it wasn’t there, I would be sexually frustrated.
2) I now know the difference between being horny and being sexually frustrated. When you watch porn, you see two alphas go at it while you sit there in the role of the observer. Not only are you not engaging in the act, but what you see becomes normal. You’re setting yourself up for failure when it is time to actually have sex. More likely than not it does not go as expected and you want more to live up to these expectations. The frustration builds up. This is not healthy, this is not love.
3) I now approach beautiful women with ease and it is effortless. Communication just feels natural. I’m not motivated by sex. I am simply there to give and to enjoy the conversation. Women notice these things. When you aren’t focused on an end goal you come from a place of abundance. Talking to women in a hungry state will hurt your chances.
4) My emotions feel stronger. I remember one time my ex told me “you’re never excited.” Again, I thought to myself, “but I do get excited?” The easiest way to put it, low dopamine. I may have thought I was excited, but I just wasn’t expressing it. I feel happy and passionate writing this piece up right now. Motivating just one person is good enough for me. I also feel like I can relate to people on an emotional level. I have never felt compassion for others as I do now.
5) I feel more like a leader. I feel in charge. I am not afraid to take the initiative and I don’t take criticism so harshly anymore
6) Your brain fog clears up tremendously. I feel like I can think through my problems in a way to find an effective solution and not necessarily just for myself. Compassion for others goes a long way.
7) Energy is through the roof! I go to the gym 6 days a week. Within a month of nofap I noticed a lot of strength gains and I have been doing this for years now. Felt great to bust through some plateaus
8) And finally, I am happy. I am happy to be myself. I am happy with the man I am becoming. I love myself more than ever. My life is absolutely amazing. People respect me more than ever and they feel comfortable being around me.
When I first started nofap I had this dream… I had just gotten off a plane and I landed in paradise. Everyone was so peaceful. But then I remembered I had forgotten my bag on the plane. I ran back to get it. Once I got it and turned around, the paradise was gone. Everything became so hectic and my bag was slowing me slowing me down.
It was a reminder that I still had to put in the time and effort to reach paradise. Now i’m not saying this journey has been perfect. I’ll admit a few times early on I did edge (W/O porn). But I stopped myself. I’m not seeking perfection so to me my streak was still alive. Why? Because I realized what set me off. My frustration. I was more likely to do it when I was experiencing some kind of stress. Becoming aware of these urges is key. Frustration about the past? Frustration about the future? FOCUS ON THE PRESENT! You can do this. We can do this.
I am thankful for all of my experiences leading up to this. Everything happened the way it did and could not have happened any other way. Today, I am a happy man. This has been the greatest lifestyle change I have ever made.
All my life, I have been told I have what it takes to be in a leadership position. Never have I been able to own this identity. Well today at the gym, I was sitting in my car pumping to bounce back and getting hyped up. I just knew it was going to be a good lift. As soon as I get out of the car, one of the employees stops me and asks me what have I been doing because my physique looks significantly better than it did a year ago. I don’t go to the gym to impress others but it is such a good feeling when people notice the hard work and effort. Shortly after, an older gentleman that I have never spoken to stopped me and asked me “What sport do you play? You look amazing!” The best part is, I tore my labrum in high school. I was that skinny twig watching all of my peers engage in sports and fitness while my insecurities built up (Oh and PMO, lets not forget that piece of shit). Once I finally had surgery to repair my shoulder, I made a commitment to make up for all those years of being idle. This man told me he’s noticed me workout and can tell I put the time and effort in to maintain good form while still being strong on my lifts. He even told me he was impressed by my squat…. I’m not satisfied with my squat and want to get it better! Such a great boost! And then, ANOTHER PERSON came up and told me he was very impressed with my shoulders and if I had any suggestions for him to build his up! Three damn times in one day from people I rarely talk to. I feel confident. I know my physiology shows that of a leader. Brothers, do NOT stop after day 90. Continue this journey and develop all of those points where you feel like you are lacking. Keep going strong and conquer all of those insecurities that hold you back from your true potential.
[The one thing I dldn’t feel at Day 90] was forgiveness. I still wasn’t able to forgive myself for the way I sexualized my ex. I knew I have grown, but I guess it was just a bruised ego type of thing.
Today, 5 months later, we finally hung out for the first time since. For the first time, sex wasn’t on my mind. For the first time, I wasn’t focused on what I could do to her for my own pleasure. For the first time, I just felt content being with her and having fun, without being physical. My heart is so full right now. I’ve grown SO much from the child I used to be. I’m so fucking proud of myself. I want you all to experience something similar to this on your journey.
UPDATE – The best part about NoFap is
What you learn about yourself and reflecting on how far you’ve come.
Over the last month, I was casually dating a girl. I enjoyed it, for the first time in my life I was focused more on having fun and what I could do for her rather than getting laid. Because of NoFap, I was in no hurry to have sex. Well, last week the time came. Do I think I was ready for sex? Probably not, but I definitely noticed improvements. From having PIED to a fluctuating erection, fucking awesome. Honestly, I think the fluctuation was mostly from anxiety. Did I last long, hell no. We spoke a little after and I told her what I was going through.
Does she want to see me again? Nope. Does it matter? NO! I know in the long run she just missed out on a great dude with a lot going for him. She wants to remain friends and I told her very firmly I’m not interested. I’m already happy with my life so I don’t need her reaffirmation. I know in the past I probably would have accepted.