Hey all, I stopped posting here around a year ago due to laziness. But I have finally made it out of the addiction/ED trap, and life has never been better .
I probably won’t post here again, but figured that there are some guys out there who could use some encouragement.
So, here is my story in a nutshell. I used porn starting at around age 12. From that time I used it very regularly, almost daily. I had a full addiciton through high school, and through college. I had one girlfriend through high school and college, but as my addiction worsened (somehow I managed to keep it a secret from her the entire time), I lost interest in her and only found myself interested in porn. The next girl I tried to hook up with, I really discovered my porn-induced ED, especially since I used porn as a coping mechanism for my breakup.
Since discovering my ED, I had been struggling to break the addiction addiction for about 2 years. Last year at around this time, I made it to about day 60, but relapsed. Although for the last couple years, my porn use had dropped off dramatically.
I’m about 2 months pmo-free, though I haven’t counted in a while. I have a gorgeous Russian girlfriend, and we have sex all the time (fucked almost a dozen times this weekend alone). I get rock hard now with little stimulation (usually just kissing and proximity), and its wonderful. For a while there, I thought I’d never make it.
However, the first times we tried to hook up, I had ED. This was several weeks ago. But she was chill, I told her I was nervous, and she smiled — that made it so much easier to relax! For a few weeks after that, my erections fluctuated. Actually, for the first few weeks I had really severe anxiety about my erections, which, of course, negatively impacted my erection. But for the last week they’ve been totally solid, completely reliable. I’m back!
I’ve been reflecting lately on my journey, and I’d like to share with you what worked for me.
1) Get rid of your computer. I had had the same laptop since the end of high school. And I used it for porn all the time. Last year, I discovered that the computer itself was a trigger. My brain was so used to using that computer for porn, that I simply had to get rid of the hardware itself. I still have it, but buried somewhere. After that, I found that my temptation to relapse plummeted. I use an ipad now, and I have virtually no temptation.
2) Go try to hook up with women. We all know that we have a problem. But every rigorous psychology study has demonstrated that it takes emotional impetus to really cause lasting life changes. So, if you try to hook up with someone you’re attracted to, you may succeed! That will help rewire your brain, and provide a huge boost of confidence. Or, you may fail. But a failure is a strong emotional (albeit negative) experience that will make it much easier to resist temptation. I have found that every time I had a serious sexual prospect present in my life, relapse was much easier to avoid.
3) Make changes besides just cutting out porn. I moved overseas several months back, and that was helpful in changing my life. It doesn’t have to be as drastic as that, but anything can be helpful! Our brains are really, really good at forming associations. And trying to make a major life change when everything around you is the same can be difficult.
Honestly, I had thought that I would never escape. I wired my brain to porn over the course of about a decade, at the peak of my brain’s plasticity. I thought I was a goner. So, if I can make it, you all can.
As a last resort, I considered going and doing a labor trip in Nepal (or some such remote and exotic place). You can find farms or plants that will pay for your room and board — you can pretty easily find this in the states during the summer — in exchange for labor. It’s an extreme solution, but then, addiction can be an extreme problem. A few months without internet access doing hard work will work wonders for rewiring your brain. I considered this a short time ago, but now it seems I won’t need it.
Best of luck to you all! Just let this be a reminder that it IS possible to escape. Cheers.
BY – foxtrotsmith