Let me start by saying I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD DO THIS. I have been doing [no porn/masturbation] for over a year now and it was always a struggle. In April, I finally made the decision that enough was enough and I was going to see this thing all the way through. For those of you who think that you can never do this, be strong, reaffirm your resolve, and stick with it. You CAN do it.
If I was graph savvy, I would make one, but for fun, I charted my faps/relapses over the past year. Now, keep in mind that from age 11 or so, I was fapping. For the next 14 years, it was an everyday, if not twice-a-day…if not more…experience for me. So, before NoFap, I would fap probably 30-60 times a month. When I first started NoFap in June 2012, I was able to cold turkey and not fap at all. July, I relapsed once. August, I relapsed 9 times. September: 6, October: 9, November: 5 December: 5, January: 3, February: 4, March:, 6 and April: 1.
Why am I telling you this? When setting and trying to achieve goals, I am a believer in “small victories.” Let yourself have small successes along the way and this will help you achieve the big goal. Why is the above outline of my activity a small victory? Because the total is 49. Despite being depressed with my inability to complete the NoFap challenge, I was ability to complete a huge goal by accident: fap less times in 11 months than I used to in a single month. Once I realized I had come that far, I knew I could handle the rest.
How did I do it? First, you have to mentally commit to the struggle. Believe that you can. And don’t let your desire to succeed ever weaken. Yes, I fell along the way, but you have to get back up and keep trudging forward. Even when Scumbag Brain shows up, do your best to fight him/her off and focus on your goals. Whenever I felt temptation, I would literally say out loud, “I’m not fapping or looking at porn today,” or even things like “ITSA TRAP!,” or “this is getting dangerous,” just so I could acknowledge the fact that I was being lead down a path to PMO. Catch yourself before you get too far. Also, I kept REALLY busy. I started a new job in March and I work around 60 hours a week most weeks. This kept me away from my computer and away from PMO. Find things to fill your day with and you won’t be tempted to PMO. As they say, “idle hands are the devils playground.”
So whats different? The biggest thing is that I no longer feel like a ticking time bomb of PMO. It used to be that any time I saw anything sexually suggestive, it would trigger my “trance state” and I would immediately stop what I was doing and fap. It didn’t even need to be porn. Could have been a VS commercial, a tv show with an attractive female who took her shirt off, a triggered memory, a picture on Reddit, anything. If I was in public, I was able to suppress it, but as soon as I got home, I had to “take care of business.” Only now am I able to see the impact that had on my productivity and everyday life trends.
Now, I feel like I have gained enormous control over my self and my body. Now, my head is clear and the fog has lifted (you will literally feel more alert and aware). Now, I can look at a sexually suggestive image (not for recreation, but if I happen to come across one) and not have my scumbag brain firing neurons and dopamine around telling me to fap.
Also, I have been in a stable relationship this whole time and I have seen a huge transformation in how I approach our intimate time. That time, for me, used to be about one things: simply getting my rocks off. Of course it was enjoyable, but there was no difference between how it would have felt if I was with her or if I was doing it myself. It was just about the chemical feeling that comes with release. Now, because she is my only outlet for sexual activity, it has changed everything. Engaging in that experience has become more about her and I spending time together. Doing something that only she and I can do. It has become much more sensual, much more intense, and a lot more fun. I don’t know if she has seen a difference (she doesn’t know I’m doing NoFap), but I certainly do. Doing NoFap has brought meaning back to my intimate relationship and I’m extremely happy that is the case.
Here is the big thing…I get butterflies in my stomach again. Remember when we were teenagers and you were making out with the first guy/girl that you really had a crush on? And when you were finally making out, you would try to push the boundaries….”maybe I can lift her sweatshirt just enough to touch her skin.” And your youthful, inexperienced heart would race and pound and your stomach would twist in knots as you explored. Remember how beautiful that was? Thanks to NoFap, those feelings are back. After 90 days of NoFap, I feel like sex is an adventure again. It’s a journey. It’s mysterious. And that’s because I’m not robbing my girlfriend of something she can give me by being selfish and giving it to myself.
All in all. Self control. Self confidence. A better relationship. That is what NoFap has brought me. I still get urges to fap, but now I know how to handle them.
So what now? I’m still at it. I honestly believe my life is better and I don’t want to fall off the wagon and drown back into the murky waters of PMO. When you relapse, do you feel your head clouding? I don’t want to feel that ever again. I’m a Fapstronaut for life.
Brothers and sisters. Thanks for reading. Be strong. You can conquer your PMO demons. Find a system that works for you. Avoid your triggers. When you start to open those websites, tell yourself out loud that this is not ok and leave your computer. Don’t lie to yourself saying “I can handle one more image,” or “I just want to see what Reddit is talking about in this post.” I’m happy to offer and help or advice that I can. We are on this journey together. See you on the other side.