So last night after not being able to have sex for 2+ years, I had sex 3 times with a beautiful girl with absolutely no signs of PIED. I lasted a few minutes each time, I wore a condom and everything went swimmingly. I have been at this for 16 months now, after learning at 23 what PIED was and that porn abstinence was the cure.
I started with a 90 day reboot which was followed by a long time of relapses that lasted about 9 months. I would abstain for 2 weeks, then fall off, similar to what my journal was like the first few months (I haven’t updated recently). Anyway, this spring I really found my peace of mind and was able to abstain for 60 days without any hardly any trouble and in this time I believe I truly cured myself. Now I watched HSIP for 8 years, multiple times every day and only slept with with a handful of women in that time and most of the time I suffered from some form of PIED. Then 2 years ago I straight up failed with a beautiful girl 2 nights in a row and truly realized the extent of my problem. About 8 months later I found YBOP and began this journey.
Now I know a lot of people on here think relapses are horrible and while I agree they certainly slow the process down, they do not cancel your progress out. I think most of us can gauge where we are at in the reboot based on our morning wood and overall response down there. I knew the progress I was making and I know that while relapsing set it back, it did not reset to zero. MY sensitivity was way better throughout the entire process and I was way more attracted to real women. So do your best to not relapse but don’t get upset if you do, just focus on getting back on a no pmo streak.
As a note, my escalation got to about 2-3 times a day (max of 5), watching mainly anal sex, and humiliation fetish which is about as far as I got. I was never into Tranny/Gay/Rape/Child or any other illegal porn type. I will say that my fantasies about sex were extremely unrealistic though and I think we can de-escalate our fetishes. When I jerked off I had to see a butt to cum, it was the only part of the female body that truly turned me on. Last night, I only caught glimpses of her butt and it didn’t matter. I could close my eyes and my erection wasn’t going away.
A lot of pepole on here make way too big a deal about the rewiring process and I am now a firm believer that we are naturally wired to girls. There has never been a period in my life where I have been more wired to real girls than to porn. During my entire 16 months I masturbated to porn and nude images over a 100 times and came twice from a real girl (one from a 100% unerect blowjob and one gave me a handjob). I spent less than 24 hours in a 16 month time compared to 100’s of hours of chat roullete, sexting, youtube porn, and hardcore porn. While I have hooked up with (without sex) dozens of women, the time I have spent with real girls was nothing compared to what I’ve spent with porn. This tells me not to worry as much about rewiring and to focus more on abstaining.
I have been at this 16 months after I watched a video that told me to expect 90-150 days. We are the longbooters, who have been raised on porn and are going to have a really hard time abstaining for months at a time. My mentality was to never give up, even if I had relapsed 10 days straight, I wouldn’t give up. Sex is something I had never enjoyed when I was watching porn but last night was truly the best night of my life. I felt like I was losing my virginity all over again and I couldn’t be more thrilled.
I have suffered with long time strugglers on this forum and have been given unbelievable encouragement by Gary, Gabe and many of the members of this forums community. I cannot be more thankful to everyone who has taken the time to promote this problem and help us recover. It is fucked that I lost about a decade of what should have been the beginning of my sexual prime but I am still young (25) and I know that I will have countless opportunities ahead of me. I feel like a new man and this is likely my last post on this site, being as though I don’t want to dwell on this.
Good luck to all of you and remember that every day you are on this journey you are that much closer to your goal. Everything you think is wrong will be cured through porn abstinence and that will be just the beginning of the life change that is ahead. Everyone on here can be cured.