I started my journey in June and I wouldn’t say I held strongly to the 90 days. It September 1 and I had several relapses with PMO over the Summer. However, two weeks ago my wife and I were able to have sex nearly every day, and a few of those days multiple times.
I learned a LOT of things. So rather than typing out a story, I’m going to list them.
1) P & M – these two vices MUST remain out of your life completely if you ever want to enjoy some form of a sex life at all. For guys like us, P can fire up those passage ways in the brain very quickly. Even if we have been clean for months or years, we have to remain free from P AT ALL TIMES. Even the subtle forms of soft core erotica. I am very guarded at what I view on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter. The smallest thing can trigger that urge in me.
M has to be out of our lives FOREVER. If you ever want to enjoy natural sex with a partner, then Masturbating will just weaken your ability to orgasm with a partner. Let it build up, let you sex drive increase so that when you do connect with that partner, you can release the beast in its full power.
2) Slowly introduce sex back into your life. Don’t think that your 90+ day thing is going to turn you into a all night loving sex machine. I was happy when my wife and I successfully had sex just 1 time for a week. Then it went up to 2 and next thing you know we averaged 4-5 times a week.
3) Don’t force sex. I had an experience where I THOUGHT it was ED I was experiencing, but honestly I just wasn’t in the mood and only managed to get a 25% erection. My wife thought it was my ED but I told her it wasn’t and that I just wasn’t as horny as I had been the other days. The previous night we went for 2 hours straight until I came and then went again about 20 minutes after that session. I was drained and my penis was telling my brain to give it a break.
4) Your brain and your penis are two different things. Not literally BUT…my brain can tell me that I want to have sex all it wants. I can even feel that rush of excitement when she gets naked and puts on a show, but if you penis is “tired” its not going to work. For example, I can go to the gym and tell myself to push the biggest weight I can find, but if my muscles are tired its not going to work no matter how much I tell myself I can do it.
5) Performance Anxiety is a BIG thing. Let sex happen naturally that is the ONLY way to protect against this. DO NOT plan to have sex, just let it happen. I get most aroused when I have random sex with my wife. When I can look into her eyes and tell that she wants it without having to say anything. The more relaxed you are the better & longer you will last.
6) STOP EDGING. Thats the same as masturbating. If you bring yourself to the feeling of orgasm and then stop….you might as well go all the way. I mean you are already getting the feeling.
7) DON’T MAKE THE 90 DAY RULE LAW. Especially if you have a girl or wife. Your body knows what it wants and it will get what it wants. I honestly didn’t plan to have sex this early, but it just happened. If you feel like you can go for it….then by all means fuck her brains out.
8 ) YOU WON’T KNOW IF YOUR CURED UNLESS YOU’RE RE-WIRED. This is where I feel for those who aren’t in relationships. You have no way of telling if you are cured & your only option is masturbation. But if you have the luxury of a relationship, then start re-wiring with a real woman. That will actually speed up the process in my book. Just like an athlete, you can practice all day but the real test comes at game time to see if all of that practicing paid off.
9) What works for the next guy may not work for you. Stop reading these stories and think you will be the same way. Your body is different. During this time rather than hoping what one guy’s story was will happen to you….Learn to listen to your body. Your body will let you know when its ready.
10) Don’t go back to PM. By all means no matter what society tells you. PM is of the devil lol. It is a lie that society has created and it is a drug that creates addicts. You can beat this.
First post – Newly 25, Married & Starting my reboot
July 10, 2013
Well I’ve fumbled around with idea of starting a journal. At first I was going to do it privately on my own. However, I though why not try and inspire someone with my story.
My porn addiction starts at 13. Though at 6 or 8 I started sneaking to watch HBO & Cinemax movies (every boy does that lol). It wasn’t until 14 when I was a freshman in high school and my mother bought me a computer. Then it went all down hill from there.
However it took me about a year to start masturbating, I would say I started masturbating hardcore at 15.
I didn’t even know what masturbating was OR that you could do that until a kid at school was talking about it. Man! If I could rewind time I would punch that kid in the mouth something serious, little did he know that the “tip” he thought he was giving me would DESTROY my LIFE.
I hesitated with the idea of masturbating because I didn’t know what to expect. At this time I’ve never had an orgasm or wet dream just yet. I remember I was watching Melissa Joan Hart on TV one day (she was my white girl crush lol) & I got aroused by watching her and rubbed my first one out.
Immediately when I “came” I was scared. I didn’t even know my penis could do that. I never felt and orgasm and was so scared at what I just did & what I felt.
I chilled out for about three months because I was so confused at what happened. Eventually I returned to the habit but this time with porn attatched to it.
Fast forward, I viewed porn without MO every day for a while. But when I found out how to M I then connected it to porn and began experiencing an O nearly everyday. Then everyday turned into maybe 3-5 times a day as the years went on.
I always new that this habit was bad for me, because I never expressed openly about it. I always hid when I did it or made sure my door was secure like FORT KNOX.
In college I had my own dorm room. That sealed the deal for me. No roommates, no interruptions, I could have the volume up as loud as I wanted it to be, I could be in my room naked and free and jacking off however much I wanted. Solitude is a Porn Addicts DREAM.
I graduated college and I actually stopped porn for about 5 months. In that 5 months I DO remember that my sexual drive was SUPER HIGH, I was getting erections with my new girlfriend just by her laying my my thigh. I was embarrased to sit by her at times because I would be erect and couldn’t cuddle with her.
We both decided to remain abstinent until marriage, but while she was sticking to it….I still got my rocks off to porn.
Well porn returned after the 5 month break and returned with a vengance and I fell back into it for the next year a half.
My girlfriend became my fiancee’ and then became my wife.
When we got engaged I stopped porn again for 2 months. During that time my libido was high once again, the random erections began to happen and I felt in control.
But porn returned YET AGAIN for the next 10 months.
We got married. Since she was a virgin, sexual penetration was pretty hard due to her being super tight and my size. It took us 2 months to actually get her comfortable with penetration.
But since I was unable to get my rocks off because she was too tight & bleeding…. I was still beating off.
A few times after that, I was able to penetrate with her and climax…but then something strange happened
Well, one night when she finally got used to me being inside of her….I went SOFT…and I mean SOFT SUUUUUPER QUICK. Through foreplay I was ROCK HARD. But when the penetration came I WENT LIMP AS A NOODLE.
I was so embarrassed.
I then started to do research, I went to my doctor and he prescribed some Viagra which I have yet to take. I then found this site & it CHANGED MY LIFE.
There are OTHER MEN out there who are JUST LIKE ME.
Well June 6 I started my reboot and slipped up for a few weeks with PMO.
I then had a conversation with my wife last week and told her that we will take a break from penetration for 90 days. I explained to her what I researched and the P habit I picked up as a teenager. She was on board with it. I have an awesome supportive wife. She was more excited about this than me.
So It is day 2 of my reboot.
DAY 1 – I had no libido at all and my dick was limp all day. I had some minor depression because I feel like im not being a good husband. We just got married May 4th. But then the depression quickly left when I reminded myself that I am doing this to strengthen our marriage. And 90 days in comparison to a lifetime together is not even 1%.
Day 2 (today) – I had morning wood this morning for about 1 minute after getting up. I always have a high libido when I first wake up but then it quickly dwindles. I am aiming to keep myself busy today. I will exercise, visit people, walk our dog, clean the house, etc. (im off work for the summer because I teach) I also had an erotic dream last night of performing oral on my wife. It aroused me, but no emission.
TIPS FOR MYSELF
1) No P of any kind. That means YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. Social media is a HUGE TRIGGER FOR ME. So I will NOT be logging on often. I still will log on just to stay connected with people, but only in public NEVER in private. I always search out the softcore porn on social media.
2) Journal daily. Writing helps my thoughts come together and who knows maybe I can inspire another person.
3) Exercise. In 90 days people can go through extreme body transformations. Why not myself? I also hear that exercise & healthy lifestyle change can speed up the process by boosting your testosterone levels in your body.
4) No edging. I messed up a month ago by edging and that just tempted me to fall back into the trap again
Keep me in your prayers & thoughts. I will beat this I know I can. Its just a matter of time.