For the first time ever, I went 100+ days without fapping. The urges were tough, but I got through them. A few days ago, however, I did a reset because I came to a conclusion that some of you other successful nofappers came across, too: it’s the porn that is the main problem, and the fapping is the secondary problem. How did I come to this conclusion?
After my previous longest streak, it struck me that, as a 25 year old, I had no urges to go and find a partner to settle down with; I always thought “later–there’s no hurry.” My PMO was satisfying my sexual urges! So I started nofap with one of my main reasons being for my wife. After a long streak, I could not find my wife fast enough. It’s now an urgent matter for me. Whenever I had an urge to look at porn or fap, I would tell myself “I’ll wait for my wife, thank you very much.”
However, after a couple months, I slowly started moving to the opposite extreme! I desperately was wishing for my SO only so that I could have sex with her! Sickening. Yeah, the other reasons for wanting an SO were in my head too, but sex was the predominant one.
I knew this had to stop. I honestly felt like my sexual desire as a man was natural. We need it, and I knew that I shouldn’t keep supressing it. So a few days ago I reset after a ~107 day streak. My desire to find a SO just for sex was gone the next day, and now I feel a natural desire to find my SO. So I came to these conclusions/rules:
- Porn is bad. No, it’s horrible. It distorts and amplifies the natural desire for sex.
- Do not “try” and get horny enough to fap. That includes porn, sexy pictures on Facebook, certain R-rated movies, and especially fantasizing (catch yourself when you do). If you feel horny, completely ignore it, it’s fine. It’s for your SO. Most of the times it’ll go away.
- If you get horny naturally to the point where it overtakes your mind and makes you stop thinking clearly/naturally, then at an appropriate time you may release (obviously, without any images/porn). You will feel relieved, but not guilty.
- Finally, YOU CANNOT TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE NATURALLY HORNY UNTIL YOU DO A FULL 90 DAY REBOOT. So no, don’t even try to trick yourself right now. Before you do a full 90 days, you are still under the influence of unnatural masturbation and porn. You will only get a feel for what’s “natural” after a few months of healing.
If you’ve gotten this far, here are some tips for us nofappers:
- If you feel horny at night while trying to fall asleep, use this technique: lay flat on your back, and place your full attention at the bottoms of your feet. Try to “feel” them, mentally. Don’t think about it. You may eventually feel a tingling sensation there–the feeling of alive-ness. After a little while, move your attention up to the top of your feet. The tingling will move there. Then slowly keep moving up your legs, body, arms, and then head, and then back down while completely ignoring/skipping your sexual areas. This will relax you and take your attention completely away from your horniness, and you’ll be able to fall asleep. I’ve done this many times.
- If you feel like you want to fap, recognize it as a healthy desire to be with your spouse, whether you have one or not. Understand that you are trying to heal yourself not only for you, but for them. Don’t disappoint him/her, even if you don’t know who they are yet!
- Nothing kills a boner like good exercise. Get out for a little jog, some push-ups, or anything that gets your heart racing.
- This has also already been said many times, but you can’t just replace fapping with nothing. You need a hobby, a passion. If you aren’t sure what to do, then go on meetup.com and find some groups that interest you, and meet some people. Eventually you’ll find something (or someone =)) that you like. Or learn something new to enhance your life. Learn stuff on khanacademy.org, like science or mathematics. It’s more interesting than you think!
Hope this helped some of you!