I’ve fought ED for the last 4 years or so. I had a long-distance girlfriend for the majority of that time, and PMO was overwhelmingly my main sexual outlet. Over that period, I became the textbook example of how porn can poison the mind and body of an otherwise incredibly healthy 20-some-odd year old guy.
Before I started nofap, I would open ten tabs-worth of videos at a time and skip through each to find that “perfect” scene. My taste in porn progressed from straight, to kink, to transexual, even to gay porn where the “straight” guy was “seduced” – all in the name of finding some novelty my brain hadn’t yet experienced (which became increasingly difficult to find). I questioned my sexuality and buried myself under a mountain of shame and confusion – just to get that next fix. I suffered from bouts of depression, closed myself off from people, and started becoming a person I had never been before. In short, I was drowning in it.
I never put 2+2 together until I read up on YBOP and the other information on r/nofap.
I’m not sure what your motivations are to quit, but I personally had e-fucking-nough of the shame, anxiety, regret, and embarrassment that resulted from the copious amounts of artificial sexual stimulation I was taking in. I have certainly had urges in the last 48 days… strong ones that took a lot of will power to overcome, but every time the thought has even crossed my mind to relapse, I just think of that shame and it has righted my course.
I don’t want to be that guy anymore that actively avoids sex with a girl sleeping right next to me because I’m terrified of not getting hard – again. I don’t want to have another conversation with a naked girl in a dark room where I have to tell her that my mind is just really all over the place because of work, money issues, et al. I’m through with having to feign whiskey dick when I’ve only had a few beers. In essence, I’m sick and fucking tired of what porn and masturbation has done to me.
So… I’m taking action to reclaim myself. I’m only 48 days into this journey, but I have never been more sure that what I am doing is right for me than I am right now, despite the fact that I’m flatlining a bit at the moment. My confidence is soaring. I’m 756 pages into reading War and Peace. I’ve gotten into shape and begun the process of starting my own business. I’m getting out and meeting girls with a sense of self-assurance I’ve never had before. I’m trusting the system and it’s helping immensely. I haven’t had sex since I began nofap, but I know that when the time comes I’ll be ready to perform. I’m sure of it.
I wrote this post in part to let those of you who are struggling know that you aren’t alone. There will be difficult times ahead, but the payoff at the end will be invaluable. You can get back to who you were, or become something greater than you have ever been, sexually or otherwise. I urge you to stick with it and lean on this community when you’re having a tough go at it. The support here has been my rock on more than a few occasions, and I’m sure it will be again in the future.
I’ll see you on Day 90 and thereafter. AMA.
LINK –My Day 48 Catharsis
REBOOT 90 DAYS – Day 89 or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Blue Balls
“Yes, a uh, a profound sense of fatigue… a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I… I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence.” – General Jack D. Ripper (“Dr. Strangelove”).
Tomorrow is my Day 90. Since April 19th I have foregone any and all opportunities to watch porn, masturbate, or both. That’s 89 days. Tomorrow I will complete the first leg of my journey.
As I have shared here before, I started the NoFap Challenge because I was sick and tired of being a 20-something with a limp dick. As an otherwise healthy, social guy it was absolutely infuriating that I was scared to bring a girl home due to what I now know was porn-induced ED. PMO left me feeling like Gen. Ripper… the “profound sense of fatigue”, the “feeling of emptiness”, everything. It was killing me inside.
That’s changed now. I don’t for a minute believe that I’m completely healed, and I haven’t experienced superpowers like some people have, but there have been major, noticeable changes in my life. I only had one sexual encounter during my first 89 days (around the mid-way point), but that night I was reminded how amazing it feels to just be in the moment with someone and I really enjoyed myself. It was almost strange having so much confidence in my abilities after struggling for so long. I’m genuinely excited about the next time.
Anyway, there are about a thousand things I could say right now, but I mostly just want to thank everyone in this community who have lent their support and kind words. I truly believe I couldn’t have done it without r/nofap. You guys kick ass and for that I just want to say how much I appreciate it all.
I don’t intend on stopping just because I made it to the 90. The NoFap Challenge became a change in the way I live my life. For the first time in a long time I am living without shame, frustration, depression, etc. I feel as good as I have in years and can’t imagine myself giving in at anytime in the near future. It’s just not worth it.
Best of luck, Fapstronauts! I’ll be here if you need me!