I wanted to never fap again so 90 days was never the goal, it is just an arbitrary number for me. I recognize it will be a lifelong battle against pmo. Although, I definitely feel much happier without these things. Being free from them, if momentary, means a lot to me, I wanted to share it with others.
I had had enough 90 days ago when it occurred to me that the porn I had just watched was really completely devoid of intimacy, love, pleasure, or even privacy. It was actually a product designed to trick me in to thinking it was real and made me feel that the fantasy I was watching was really coming true. I felt extremely disappointed and disgusted with myself so I finally swore off porn and fapping and decided I wanted something genuine and real.
To fap and watch porn should not be considered viable options for us. PMO won’t give us what we really want. Sometimes it got really tough for me to stay with this, but I always reminded myself that whatever it was that I wanted in the moment, pmo was not going to provide it. Ultimately, the goal is to realize that pmo is not beneficial to me, and that I should strive for the real thing.
As a result, I feel more free from something that is a negative influence in my life. I would also add that I think not watching porn gives you a healthier more realistic mindset about what sex is. I also feel like I have nothing to hide on my computer anymore. Lastly, I feel like I have become more self-aware and more in control of myself which has really helped with relationships.
LINK – 90 days later
I started the 90 day challenge over a month ago. Over the last few days, I have really had a strong desire to PMO but I haven’t yet. I wanted to share what has prevented this so far.
- For me, PMO was kind of a social thing. Sex has to be with someone else for it to mean anything. I realize that fapping or porn do not solve the problem of sex because there is NOT another person involved.
- I am in control of my body, it will do what I want it to do.
- Let me reiterate the first point. What problem does pmo solve? Does it provide you with a social outlet? No. Does it provide release to sexual desire? If you answer yes to that, then is sexual desire a desire to have sex? Does sex involve another human being? If sex involves another human being, and pmo does not include another human, does pmo really solve your problem? No, it does not. I would prefer to actually solve my problems rather than pretend to solve my problems.
For now, these thoughts have kept me from relapse so I am hoping they won’t lose effectiveness.