Age 25 – Quit due to DE, this feels great

Ok, so I’m just one day away from 100 and it feels like I reached that number all of a sudden, without even paying any attention to it since day 73 when I broke my previous record. This is by far the longest time I’ve been without PM (or any masturbation to visual stimuli) since age 12 or so.

Since June 2012 when I first started NoFap (and naturally Pornfree as well), my usual pornfree streaks have been 10 to 25 days, with some of over 30 or 50. Already those have helped me A LOT – combined with some NoFap in the beginning of my recovery, I easily took myself off the habit, but wasn’t able to avoid relapsing once in a while, and the cravings were sometimes really hard. I get quite painful blue balls really easily, and fap occasionally to get rid of them. Whenever that happens, I’m not even in the mood to fap, it’s more of a task that has to be done. And I have to say that when I limit it to once every 5 days or so, it has both a relaxing and reinvigorating effect. Of course, whenever I get laid there’s even less a need to fap :))

So, what helped me this time? June started as usual, I had graduated, was on a holiday and on day 3. On day 19 I hinged on the edge as I wanted to remember the cute face of a girl I had previously seen on an adult vid. Luckily I understood quite fast that I was already on the usual browsing arousal pattern and stopped the whole thing while I still had my pants on. A couple of days later I took my laptop to repair, and just as I got it back I moved to work in a small town of 1,500 and my new flat had no Internet connection. THIS IS A BIGGIE. I used Internet only at work or at my aunt’s place, and not only this stopped me from even having the temptation – it also reduced my mindless browsing for procrastination purposes. Instead I practiced several musical instruments, worked out, read, picked berries and watched good films on DVD. For two months I was living quite a solitary life, but having very few young and hot girls around in such a village actually helped me to concentrate on other things. It reduced the single man’s frustration, and I learned to enjoy being by myself much more than I thought I would.

During the first month I had some weeks of blue and lonely mood, and this would’ve been the usual moment of relapse. When you have a drop in self-esteem and self-worth, it’s so easy to wallow in that misery by punishing yourself even more – doing the very thing you have been avoiding but at the same time wanted to do. This time I could find more constructive ways to handle my feelings. And actually I’ve felt really great since the third week of July or so. After getting past those times (around day 45) I thought less and less about all that computer erotica.

The other trigger of mine I noticed was “surfing for beauty”. When you just see a picture or two of a pretty girl, even a sexy one, that’s OK. But when you start to look for more of those, to have that endless buffet table of someting that you desire but don’t really have there and now, it is always a slippery slope. And even if you keep yourself to the SWF stuff, you can still ask yourself “Is this how I want to spend my time? By just staring at pretty girls instead of meeting them in real life, developing myself, getting shit done or just being mindful of everything happening around me?” Nowadays I live in a bigger town and have an Internet connection, but I still just try to avoid all of that, even in its lesser form. This is probably my first time on Reddit since June.

But I have to conclude that all this feels great. I’ve had time to think about my life and self-image. I’m not stressing anymore about being single or getting laid. Im thinking a lot less about sex than before. And that makes me even more straightforward, playful and flirtatious with girls. I can see through the false images that music videos and other media subconsciously sell to men. Instead I’m just working on opening the real myself more and more to others, and on expressing my thoughts, ideas and desires without being afraid of judgement. Enjoying connections with people.

But still I know the possibility of relapse is always there. The memories take their time to wane, and they even may become nostalgic. But it’s all a lie, a trick of the mind that evaporates and reveals its dirtiness the moment you ejaculate.

LINK – 99 Days: what helped me and how I feel now

by nordicjazz



Post from over 1 year ago

My 4-month history with NoFap. Also a question concerning PE.

Instead of marking a nice beginning for NoFap November, today was the day of relapse. Quite simple stuff – striptease videos – but any kind of arousing two-dimensional images are something to avoid in this business. So finally, I decided to sign up on Reddit after being a freeride stalker of this sub for a couple of months. I think the badge will help, as well as the sense of community, sharing these things together and being accountable. I’ll explain now my history with NoFap and what I’ve learned from it so far. I’m not a native English speaker, but I hope my expressions will be comprehensible.

24 y/o, rather busy student. I stumbled across yourbrainonporn last May. At the time I was fapping around 4-5 times a week, maybe 3 times out of 5 with porn. I had struggled with porn during my younger years (17-22) for religious reasons, although I didn’t have too much against the act of fapping in moderation. It was hard, though – the longest streak I could make without fapping was 5 weeks. For most of the time I had my own limits – naked girls were okay, pornographic acts were not. So the usage didn’t escalate, because I considered “porn itself” to be too dirty. After losing my Christian faith and plunging into agnosticism, I started to watch porn again. The only guilt I had was about the ethics of the business (it’s a really cruel world).

I lost my virginity at the age of 16 but abstained for over 6 years for the aforementioned religious reasons, even though there were quite many occasions to have sex during those years. In hindsight, probably regular fapping kept me at bay. About a year ago I started to have sex again with a friend with benefits: something completely unexpectable hit me in the face. DELAYED EJACULATION. It took me usually 20-40 minutes to get off and I usually had to fantasize during the act. I already knew it had something to do with my relation to Ms Left Hand, but couldn’t recognize the problem well enough. During last February I experienced ED with two one-night stands, and even then I somehow knew what the problem was all about but did nothing. During spring I started a relationship and even in a very comfortable environment with an amazing girl, I had the same problems during our first time. At this moment I had the first initiative to quit porn, and it did have a positive effect on the sex.

My first attempt on NoFap was at the very end of June. At the same time the relationship started to stall, and July was one complete on-off with her. I started to keep a diary where I had – and still have – noporn and nofap counters. The first two streaks were nice – 17 and 15 days and even the relapse was with imagination only. August was harder – multiple MO’s, but only once PMO. But in general, the farther I do this, the easier it seems to get, relatively.

Since the end of June, I’ve managed to be ALMOST pornfree with streaks of 43, 27, 2, and 47 days. And I’ve done this mostly for that purpose. The urge to fap has been sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker, and fap streaks have clearly been shorter. Sometimes it was to prevent myself from watching porn (primary objective), sometimes I did it just to reduce the uninvited tension (with no fantasy whatsoever). So, in average I’ve fapped once every 10 days since 125 days ago. Sometimes the streaks have been more than 20 days, sometimes just 3 or 4. But still a huge progress from the earlier frequency! It’s not a habit anymore. The urges are merely occasional.

So, what about the effects then? It works. Even with occasional relapses, it works. Overall horniness. Strong erections. I’ve been reducing procrastination. I’ve been more self-aware and felt more powerful and in control of myself (might be placebo). I have longer streaks of happy days than I used to. Combined with some litterature (J. Pellicer: The Tao of Badass, D. Burns: Intimate Connections, R. Glover: No More Mr Nice Guy, and some others), I’ve created a healthier view of myself, set better objectives for my life and actions, and a strong self-confidence which has slowly but steadily made me quite successful with girls. All this requires conscious effort, of course.

Now, after explaining my long story, I still have one thing bothering me. This fall I’ve had 3 sexual relationships, of which 2 have been kind of acquaintances-become-FWBs. I’ve noticed that my DE:s have been replaced with PE:s, and this is slightly problematic. OK, the quick first round is natural. But even the 2nd time I usually come really fast. Or sometimes I manage to hold myself back during the first minutes, but when I do that, I just lose some of the boner and it becomes an effort to get it as stiff as it was. Any thoughts on this? These occasions have usually been a good about-once-a-week valve for me, while looking for The Significant One.

As for today, I wasn’t even particularly horny, I just felt the urges to see some bodies, and I was aware that it might lead to fapping but didn’t really care. And it felt quite shitty as well. Now it doesn’t feel like the end of the world, but I do miss the horniness I just had! So, now into Nofap November, one day short, and hopefully all the way till Christmas at least!

TL;DR: Riding the NoFap bandwagon for 4 months, some relapses, almost pornfree but relapsed today. Moderate success, DE and occasional ED are not a problem anymore, but sometimes PE even on the second round.