One thing that makes me, and I think most fapstraounats, proud and excited in hitting such milestones (even a mere 20 days) is because of the revelation of the potential that lies in you that you never knew. While addicted to PM, you are just like any other drug addict. In fact, for those who have been addicted for long to PM (my addiction has run for some 12 years) just like a crack addict, one becomes a poor decision maker, a shitty manager of finances and personal business, an unfocused, lowly motivated loser.
But the mere achievement of going for a decent 2, 3 or 4 weeks without going back to the destructive habits of fapping or watching P all the time, one starts to feel the possibilities. One starts to see beyond their sorry state, one starts to see the potential they have in having control over their lives, you begin to understand that your life is right there in your freaking palms, for you to nurture or crush with your very own hand (pun unintended)
That is the point I am at now. I might not be feeling all superman-superpowers deal, but the fact that I now have the ability within me to hold off seeking/watching P or enjoying M for 50 Days will also make you feel YOU CAN and YOU WILL. Beyond a 3 days milestone, you can see a one week milestone in your reach, and then 15 days go by, 30 days, 50 days and then you begin to visualize 90 Days, 100 Days, till 150 Days, 200 Days, and then 365 Days turn to 2 Years and the REST OF YOUR LIFE!
Of course there might be false starts and dark shadows of doubt at one point, heck, most of the journey in the beginning feels like a shitty withdrawal from some Coke or Heroine trip (never done any but can imagine somehow). But as the days go by, and you start getting those abstinence rewards, you will soon adapt to the normal curve. And you will be saying it is the best thing to ever happen to your life, and that you wish you had done it earlier.
For those starting out, close your eyes, picture that clean, confident guy you want to be, and when you open them, it is Day 1 and the train is leaving the station, and you are inside, and you will get there, if you hold on to the end.
PS: I had left out the improvements and benefits gained so far since I detailed them in the other post, but for those who have not read, I will give a brief summary of what I have gained so far (Picking from Day 30+)
1. I dress better (cause I feel better inside 😀 )
2. I complete most of the daily chores,duties and work load
3. The lethargy, lack of interest in life, depression, suicidal thoughts and the feeling of being useless in life that hung around my head is gone…gone….gone.
4. I feel more motivated to face people and friends more, socializing becoming less awkward. In addition, I am having more friends/family come over to visit my place as I now feel less need to be alone fapping/sleeping and watching stupid porn all day
5. To be honest, I am not eating much healthier than before, but have taken to more home cooking as opposed to take outs
6. The big one, unconsciously I find myself being more comfortable around girls, not being superman however, but in a way that my mind is not running around in a panic mode fearing she senses what I do behind doors or wanting to go back to the house and M to an equivalent of her from the internet. Being just friends now is enough, I don’t want to force things
7. Finally, there is an inexplicable energy that was not previously there in my life that I sense. Perhaps that’s how I was always (back in 6th grade lol) and my real personality is now slowly making a comeback. HAM!
I will not make a long post since I already did a 49 Days report earlier. However, I will still highlight a few report notes here since Day 50 is the Big 50. For one, I am kind of surprised that I have made it this far! I mean I have never made it this far with my longest streak being about 30 days with about 3 relapses in between so this 50 Day PM free streak is the big kahuna right here…for now. ( I aim for 150 Days by January 1st 2018)