Well folks I finally did it. I achieved everything I set out to do when I started Nofap. 166 days ago I was a nobody. I had a shitty body, I had no prospects with relationships, terrible self esteem, PIED and DE and the list goes on and on.
Today I finally defeated the last insecurity and hurdle of my life, I got a girlfriend.
A lot of my progress can be attributed to reading Models by Mark Manson and following a lot of the articles on his website as well as speaking the author myself. I recommend any nofapper struggling with dating, life and purpose to visit his website and read his book.
The big truth is that women love men who are vulnerable, everything Mark Manson said was true. The PUA shit out there is a false idol.
Lastly, I’m not really noticing a chaser effect after sex. Actually it’s kind of worrisome back in my fap days I could have 3 orgasms fairly easily. These days just ONE orgasm takes me out of commission pretty bad.
60 DAY REPORT – [26M]60 Day Report – The times, they are a-changin
So day 59 slowly draws to a close and it’s time for my 60 day report. I’m doing hardmode until I can find a GF and then I’ll switch to softmode.
The Core NoFap Experience:
Abstaining from fapping proved to be easier than I thought. I had attempted it in the past without having known about NoFap and YBOP. However I routinely failed to last more than a week because I didn’t have a compelling reason to stop fapping. Once I found out I have PIED and DE I decided to quit cold turkey. I seem to cycle in and out of flatlines on a weekly/daily basis with a negative mood swing hitting me around Fridays. Overall I’d say the level of risk that I’ll relapse is relatively low.
Like other fapstronauts I began to worry the flatline was permanent. Eventually I came to realize it’s very likely that my libido requires an actual reason to activate now. Without porn and other things to keep me constantly excited I’m probably just coasting along with a relatively normal outlook until a sexual situation arises. That unfortunately hasn’t happened yet. See the next section for details.
This is why I started nofap, I wanted to improve my girl situation. I haven’t had sex or a girlfriend since I was 18. This makes me very insecure, very upset and very frightened for my future. This proved to be a far more complex challenge than I had originally thought. At first I began to feel like I was more confident with women and certainly I began to perceive them differently after a while. Unfortunately it didn’t last. All my old insecurities eventually came crawling back. I decided to read Mark Manson’s “Models” book to get help. This proved to be a useful eye opening experience for me. It helped me understand why I was failing and shifted the focus temporarily from getting girls to fixing my life. This brings us to the last heading and the major challenge.
I gambled away my youth on video games and safe indoor activities in my house. I still spend long hours in front of the computer despite some lifestyle changes.
When I was in University I should have networked and met as many new friends as I could, unfortunately back then I was very arrogant and introverted. I wasn’t yet self aware enough to realize my attitude towards life was self destructive. Now that I’m out of University and working a full time job at a major company I find my social opportunities have hit rock bottom. Most of my friends were of no help because like me they are betas and don’t do anything fun or exciting.
It essentially falls upon me to reinvent my entire life from scratch. New friends, new activities, new passions etc. I realized I lived my life according to what I perceive others would expect of me. Now at age 26 I have to assert my identity, my passions and my own lifestyle after having coasted and done nothing with myself for 15 years. I have to do it fast, because I’m running out of time. Soon the best years of my life will be gone.
I’ve had some minor successes. I started going to the gym, hired a personal trainer, began seeing some results with my workouts. I engage in some form of exercise each day. If I’m not weight lifting I am walking 5km and doing planks at home. I’m reading a lot of self improvement books (like the ones recommended at the end of Mark Manson’s Models). I have also become more assertive which has helped me at work and given me a bit more attention from women. I’ve started dressing a little better and wearing contact lenses. Already I’m seeing some positive results. I also began to assert my boundaries and to stop fearing rejection. When I walk the streets I make eye contact with women, just to see what happens. I realize nothing bad could possibly happen to me if I try.
Sometimes they keep eye contact with me. This is where I get confused, because I don’t know if I should smile, or wait for them to smile. The ones who look back at me seem curious, like they’re wondering what I’ll do next or who I am. It was really interesting.
Still despite this new found confidence I find myself having mood swings where I revert back to my old psyche. The one where I am very jealous and wind up being frustrated and upset. Many of my old habits are still present behind the euphoria of my self change thought processes. I also get distracted by fantasies about how great it’ll be when my work is done, which stops me from getting any work done in the first place.
I still spend too much time at home in front of a computer. I can’t afford a car and I can’t afford to move out of my parent’s house. I think these problems with my independence are one of the #1 causes of my failure to have a good social life and sex life. I’ve been thinking about moving to another country where the job and cost of living situation is better. Unfortunately finding a job anywhere in the world seems to be a lottery game.
I’m also starting to see a therapist who I hope will help me discover and confront the root causes of my insecurities and fears when I meet women. It’s my belief that when I tackle this problem a great weight will be lifted from me and I’ll have greater flexibility and emotional freedom to pursue hobbies and lifestyle changes.
So my life has certain changed since 2 months ago. I’ve begun to take greater responsibility for my life and seize the controls of this runaway train. However my challenges are steep.
With no “life” to speak of I find it hard to socialize and meet new friends. I have no stories to tell, I have no experiences to offer. I’m just a blank slate with a bunch of cynical jokes.
Many people are away ahead of me in life right now. They have better bodies, better style, better social skills, more confidence, better jobs etc. They live by themselves and are independent which gives them way more opportunity to meet girls, have sex and be masculine in general. Seeing that gap is difficult.
So my lifestyle challenges going forward are a tough laundry list:
- Find new, socially active friends who do fun things (going to nightclubs, having good parties, doing activities that don’t involve playing PS3 at someone’s house, male female ratio is at least 50:50 rather than 100:0 as it was in the past)
- Find at least 1 socially active hobby. Right now the stereotypes are driving me, like salsa lessons. I heard some PUA types talking about how they were able to find GORGEOUS women at tango and salsa classes. The nature of these environments almost always forges sexual relationships because of the intimacy associated with dancing.
- Improve my appearance. My style is still a work in progress. Finding a good hair stylist to sort out my problematic hair will be the greatest challenge.
- Continue with therapy to root out insecurities.
In conclusion nofap has done a lot to help facilitate changes in my life. I think it provides me with a great deal of confidence and motivation to continue fixing my life. I must always be wary of the complacency demon. I must always pursue perfection and continuous improvement. With that I refer to this video as my mantra: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PphbSFZWuU
TL;DR: No fap was a catalyst to trigger a multitude of self improvement processes. No fap in itself doesn’t solve your life’s problems but it does highlight them and create a desire to fix them.