I feel extremely nervous writing my 90 day report. I had many false beliefs about how day 90 would be. Almost all of them were incorrect. The only thing I can do here is to speak from the heart. I want to tell you how my experience was. How it happened.
90 days ago I jacked it maybe 6-10 times a week depending on how much work I had that week. I was not popular with women in the least. I was a 26 year old man that had had sex one time. In our hypersexualized society that sounds kinda pathetic. But I don’t care about that anymore. I no longer care about the fact that porn had taken away the means of experiencing real intimacy. I no longer care if a woman rejects my attempt to be in a relationship with her. I am no longer a person who only gets a hard on when he’s sitting in his room looking at a screen where he could see every possible depravity imaginable while never feeling that intimacy of a real woman. I want to experience real life with real intimacy. I want to be a real person living in the real world.
None of these thoughts would have materialized if it hadn’t been for nofap. Also, none of these ideas would have been as clear as day if I hadn’t relapsed 3 times yesterday. Once in the morning and two times after uni on my bed. You forget how bad it feels afterwards if you haven’t done it in 3 months. I now realize that if I fap before starting my day, it’s like cutting my oxygen supply in half for the day. It really just feels like you want to stay in your bed the entire day. My god the feeling of fogginess and tiredness feels like you have 10kg weights on you for the rest of the day. I don’t care about the remorse after the jizz or the mess or the dirtiness, but I really loathe the tiredness and the fucking unmotivated feeling you get after. I seriously felt like just not doing anything for the next week even tho I had a whole fucking week planned.
The 90 days thought me that having the occasional hard on in the morning or in the evening or in the line at the grocery store is better than the tired shitty unmotivated feeling you get after a fap.
I know why fapping will no longer be a permanent thing in my life. I feel good having all of this off my chest. I’ll reset my badge once I wake up tomorrow morning. Nofap has thought me a lot. Now I realize that this subreddit has given me everything it possibly can give. After resetting my badge I might come back occasionally but only to remind myself why this way of life is the correct one. It’s a new way of seeing the world.