“Started from the bottom now i’m here.” I started nofap at one of the darkest places of my life. After leaving a three year relationship with a girl I loved but grew apart from, i spiraled into a PMO vortex of self pity and loathing.
I lost myself in my porn addiction.
a brief self-summary: i’m a 26 year old musician establishing myself in the world. i’ve been releasing pop music since 2011, i’ve toured extensively, i’ve played on broadway, and i maintain a very active lifestyle. i’ve also worked a dozen odd jobs, mostly in food service, since graduating from a prestigious and expensive university in order to pay the bills necessary to live in the city.
at the bottom, everything SEEMS normal. PMO has become so accepted and commonplace that it didn’t seem like there was necessarily a problem. i was so conditioned from years of PMO that i couldn’t grasp the fact that i was holding myself back in a serious way. i’ve been PMO’ing since a young age (pre-high speed internet.) i would print pictures from early porn sites and fap to them before i was able to download / stream porn, which i did almost daily. at no time was i ever told that porn was bad– it was / is socially acceptable, even EXPECTED, to PMO. constant jokes in the mainstream media strengthened the notion that it was all normal. and as someone who grew up in the first generation of internet porn users, i haven’t known anything different. porn is normal.
i think i subconsciously knew how destructive porn was for a long time. i would look at myself after hours of edging to increasingly weird porn, and feel an overwhelming sense of shame. i would find myself in bed with girls holding my limp dick in my hand, apologizing– always with an excuse (too much to drink, not enough sleep, empty stomach.) how did i end up here? where do i go from here? i had only questions without answers, so i would continue to spiral downwards. and then one night, 90 days ago, i googled ‘porn addiction’ and stumbled across YBOP. after reading through the site, i realized i was a porn addict, and that i was DONE. i had busted my last PMO-load. i saw a potential end to my ED problems and an end to the long standing shame that was engulfing my life.
here we are 90 days later (hard mode,) and i feel like a new man. i’ve never felt so motivated in my life, and i can’t imagine going back. here are just a few of the benefits i’ve enjoyed during this span:
- increased self-esteem / confidence
- increased motivation, decreased procrastination
- better diet, lost 15 pounds
- more exercise– i bike everywhere
- got a second job– currently working 45 hours a week in order to be able to afford the expensive aspects my music career
- sharper clarity of thought, elimination of brain fog
- random (hard) boners
nofap has been an extremely supportive community to come to whenever i have an urge or am looking for some motivation. the success stories pushed me harder.
for those nofappers who need motivation, i offer the following tips:
- don’t expect nofap to fix your life. it will only enable you to make the changes you know you NEED to make. you need to kick yourself in the ass, and you need to hold yourself accountable. no one else is going to do it for you, so take control of your life.
- use your newfound free time wisely. live a social existence, say yes to plans and new opportunities, and spend your time doing something worthwhile. hone your craft, learn a hobby, clean your apartment, do your dishes, take a shower, etc. — above all, take care of yourself. use your rewiring phase to develop better habits.
- step out of your comfort zone. take advantage of this beautiful second chance at life and drink it up. you can do anything, homie.
- COMMIT TO THIS. if you’re going to change your life, there is no turning back. this is not a 90 day challenge– this is life transformation. there is no PMO. there is only zuul.
love you guys, feel free to hmu with any questions.
LINK – ~90 Days~