It’s been 90 days since I started nofap on hardmode. Three months that have not been easy. I started nofap a couple of weeks after breaking up. The relationship lasted five years and its end was a massive hit for me.
Loneliness, sadness, anxiety through the roof, sleepless nights. So it wasn’t the best time to start such a difficult challenge as nofap, but I ended up watching that famous TED talk again (I had tried nofap a year before for three months just to see if I could) and realized I could not continue the habit that went against my wellbeing.
Pretty soon I discovered that PMO addiction was just a symptom of my problems. I have childhood abandonment issues which I have been dealing with these past months. I also found a book that had a very important impact on my life, No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. If you have problems with expressing your needs and desires and feel the need to please people and guess what they might want, I recommend reading the free preview of the book: http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy-ebook/dp/B004C438CW/
If you’re not the target audience, you’ve only lost a little time it takes to read the preview (and can maybe recommend it to someone you recognize from it). If you belong to the target audience, this might be one of the most important books in your life. I know it was for me. In a nutshell: taking care of other people’s needs with the hope they’ll take care of yours doesn’t work and will only fill you with a feeling of powerlessness and resentment.
What I’ve noticed during this time:
- I have better emotional stability. I experience more loneliness, sadness and anger than before, but these emotions no longer rock me the way they did. It’s easier to let them come and run their course now.
- Less anxiety. For the past few years anxiety has been my boogeyman. At times my life has been too much about managing anxiety and avoiding situations that might cause it. Last week I confronted a thing I have been avoiding for over a year and which was one of my greatest fears and nothing happened! It’s awesome.
- I look better. My face looks healthier. A weird sentence to type out, but that’s how it is.
- I understand myself better and am working on my self-esteem. What helps immensely is that I no longer have to feel guilty about my secret habits. I can let anyone use my computer without a second thought and I don’t have to think what a friend or a girl I’m interested in would think about the porn I watch, since I no longer watch that crap. Freedom and self-respect!
- I can relate to women better and see them as persons instead of representatives of their sex. When I watched porn I also thought that I don’t objectify women, but it’s like that TED talk in which there was this image of a fish asking “what the heck is water?” I also feel lots of guilt now for how I viewed women, but I try to let it go.
Still haven’t had any wet dreams, even though I’m 90 days into nofap. I think that means my body and brain still haven’t fully recovered. No matter, I’ll give them time. I am continuing on hardmode until I’m in a relationship again. I’m determined to orgasm only through a wet dream or with a woman from now on.
So here’s what I’ve experienced. Does nofap give you superpowers? I’m actually feeling pretty lousy now, since I’ve caught a cold and I can’t imagine Superman catching a cold. But nofap does remove that shadowy veil that separates you from your emotions, other people and the rest of the world, the veil you’ve unknowingly drawn on yourself by your porn use.
Nofap definitely makes life better. I do recommend it.