My feelings at two months..
Stopping this addiction was just the beginning. Veil has been lifted from my eyes. I see what I have made of my life. 26 years in life. I still do the job I hate. I barely have money for bare necessities. I have no women in my life.
Since cutting this addiction, I’ve been catalyst to make changes. I am able to work towards a better life. I have the determination and concentration to work on my projects again. I have confidence in myself and self respect to try and get a better job. I have gained ability to talk to women again. I have gained back my self-respect. I can look others in the eyes. I will no longer procrastinate moving towards my dreams.
If I ever, ever go back to my old self I could as well kill my-self. It’s the same thing. Fuck it. Fuck it. I am not a guy who’s into suicide. I already fought it off during my hi-school years. But if I ever go back I want someone to slap me hard. I want someone to kick the living shit out of me. Let me be absolutely clear. There is no way I could ever ‘relapse’ and go back to my former self. My former self was a zombie. I am now a human being. Stopping PMO has given me life. Literally. Going back would mean I am again good for nothing. Living my life slowly dying away. It’s not life.
But now begins the real fight. PMO me was level 0. I am now at level 1. Moving towards my dreams isn’t going to be easy. There is no magic pill. Only hard work can achieve results. Some day, I will be able to move mountains. Some day, I will be the ideal me. So fuck you PMO. Here’s to life.