Age 27 – Delayed ejaculation healed, confidence increased tremendously

I will be courageous tonight and I will be sharing with you my story with all my heart. I will tell you how I found nofap, what I did that helped me complete the challenge and the effects that I noticed.

In October 2013, life arranged itself in such a manner that I couldn’t fap for 4 weeks. Then, when I could fap again, I realized that I had abstained the most I did in my life (my earlier best being 2-3 weeks), and I wanted to take this experiment as far as possible. In the end I edge’d at around the 6 week mark. It didn’t matter, I have done something that allowed me to go for so long without MO and I wanted to take it even further. At that point I discovered, by pure accident, about nofap.

I did as anybody else. I started a journal and found an accountability partner. My first attempt lasted for 21 days. It didn’t bother me too much. That was the first and only time I relapsed. The reason was the chaser effect. Once I learned about it I never made that mistake again.

After that relapse I was sure and convinced that I would go all the way on my next attempt. I had this certainty after I learned what happens in the brain, specifically about the dopamine and the reward center. I read and educated myself about how this addiction came to life, what it took to keep it going, and once I understood the mechanism in the brain I had the answer to what I needed to do to stop this addiction. For me, William’s posts on this forum helped me tremendously, and I highly recommend them. His entire philosophy “get educated. get tools. learn to love withdrawals” made the difference for me.

Another help came from a book called “Treating pornography addiction” by Kevin Skinner. (For the curious, Skinner’s system is just an implementation of Prochaska’s Trans Theoretical Model). I cannot recommend it enough for people who are serious about quitting pornography addiction.

Thirdly, another tool which without it I couldn’t have done it was the parental control software K9. In the end, any parental control software is good, it doesn’t have to be K9, but this is the one I found the best. To better explain it’s usefulness I will use a metaphor. Imagine an alcoholic who wants to quit alcohol and he keeps a bottle around, let’s say in his office, to remind him that he’s fighting the good fight. Sooner or later, and without exception, he will start drinking. When he’s strong he can keep away from it, but in the moment he’s weak and vulnerable, he will turn to what he knows. No willpower and self control will be able to stay between him and that bottle. A recovering porn addict needs to put a block between him and the object of his addiction, and this is true for any addiction.

The last thing that helped me was having an accountability partner. Although a virtual AP was good, the most support I got was from my girlfriend, who also became my AP. I would recommend getting a real partner if you can. It cannot compare.

I cannot finish the story without saying what were the benefits. When I started I had problems with delayed ejaculation, although I didn’t realize it. I am happy to say that its solved now. The sensitivity came back and I can ejaculate every time. I also started having spontaneous erections, which I didn’t have since I was 16. Most importantly my confidence increased tremendously, to levels I have never experienced before. Now I can stare into any girl’s eyes for as long as I wish, which is something I was to shy to do before. And god dammit, it feels good to express sexual desire to a girl before uttering a single word. I actually picked up a girl on the street just because I looked in her eyes in “that way”.

In the end I would say that for me nofap became noporn. I have no problems with masturbation. That is normal and I will practice it in the future. The real problem arises when masturbation is accompanied by porn, because porn can keep us excited more than we would normally be. One could masturbate a couple of times a day without porn, but with porn he will do it in excess. And I have experienced excess to such a degree that I edged 3 full consecutive days, to the point where I got a scar that never healed. That scar will be a constant reminder of the extremely dangerous effects of porn can have on someone.

I want to thank William, Mark, and my AP FinMechanica, for all their support, understanding and encouragements. I couldn’t have done it without you guys.

PS: if you are curious to read my journey you can find it here…th-to-recovery

LINK – Aron’s story

BY – Aron