Why I’m here: I started off going to catholic school, with parents who didn’t talk to me about sex. This is not a good way to raise your kid. I was essentially left to figure it out myself (aside from whatever the school was feeding me), and I didn’t do too well! I first discovered porn around age 11, by complete accident.I was walking friends house when I found a playmate trading card in the street. This was my first feelings of sexual arousal, it’s incredible how well I remember the feeling (not so much the picture). I did not masturbate as I had no idea what that was.
Fast forward 2 years and I discovered masturbation, this was incredible! Like my own personal cookie jar, I didn’t start off doing it all the time. Another year or so passed and my friends and I started to discover dirty magazines, and openly talked about fapping (what tiny bit we knew). PMO quickly became a daily thing, I didn’t even realize what was happening.
High School and college years: We know what fapping does to us now, but back then there was no reason for me not to fap whenever I felt like it (1-5 times a day). This caused problems, I never got around to really trying to make a connection with girls, even though I was still attracted to them. I had social anxiety, was quiet, always tired (hmmm?), and didn’t give 2 shits about anything! I believe I could have achieved amazing things if I stayed away from PMO, athletically and with schoolwork.
91 days ago: I’m 27 now. Yes, we all have to start from day 1. I will be honest I wish I would have kept a journal through this, but I still remember almost everything. I had been trying by myself to quit PMO, but never succeeded for more than a few days (actually made it 3 weeks once, a true miracle).
Week 1: For me this was the toughest, getting to day 8 was harder for me than days 15-90. The nights sucked, laying in bed with your scumbag brain trying to trick you into fapping. Luckily I was very aware of how shitty I felt after my last relapse, and it stuck with me…I didn’t want to feel that way again, ever. I started to notice more energy, my skin was looking better, eyes were brighter, voice deeper, and mild acne was clearing up too.
Week 2: Things got a little easier, I got my testosterone boost, and I was feeling much more confident. I was starting to feel less ashamed of myself for PMOing all the time (you can almost feel a guys shame, I know women can…they call it creepiness). I have been taking daily hot-then-cold showers, they were one of my keys to success. Nothing like spraying cold water on your balls to kill the urge.
Weeks 3-4: So now is when I started to come back to reality, I was getting used to my new self. This is where you have to put your guard up, because you can think you’re in control…but all it takes is one moment of weakness. I met a nice lady (thanksNoFaplol) and I was really hoping to be over my ED…but damn it my dick just wasn’t being cooperative. She was extremely understanding, eventually I got it in for a few seconds before O…shit, whatever. This was the first time I came from PIV (my last girlfriend 7 years ago was super sexy, and I experienced ED with her, I was embarrassed and never tried again).
Month 2: I only got to see that girl once during this period, and I had very mild success, but things were getting better. I started to become much more productive at this point. My face is now looking reborn, it’s great. I have boundless energy, and channel it into my life. Here’s the thing: I’m normalized now, this is my new normal. It’s not as new and exciting as week 2, so I have to keep it in my head that I can’t go back. I experienced my first ever wet dream, what a relief that was. I am feeling super confident in most situations, especially those with women (remember I had anxiety before). I’m starting to feel something strange, pride?
Month 3: Coasting at this point, not giving a fuck what anybody thinks or says. I actually came out about Nofap to a few not so close friends (one with a big mouth). I knew a couple of them needed NoFap, not sure if they caught on…but they were both impressed. I feel more alive, and my awareness is expanded…but I know deep down that there is more for me to work on. I understand that life doesn’t stand still, you’ll be at day 90 then you’ll be at day 91.
Day 90: I got to see the girl today, isn’t that something? Man, I had no problems, I could get my dick hard without having to work at it…that’s such a relief. We fucked a few times and I mark it down as a great victory. I’m proud of myself for doing 90 days, looking back I’m amazed.
Day 91: Ok so this is it, I’m leaving Nofap and Reddit for 90 days. This is a test of willpower, I will come back for another report down the road. I plan on changing a lot of things in my life, and I’m cutting out surfing the net. I can see what I wasn’t out of life now, it’s very clear in my head. I’m a person reborn, but I’m still in the same reality as the old me.
I’ll stick around for another day or two if anyone has questions.
LINK – 90 Days – A look back