Comments: I believe this is a rebooting account. Either way those on nofap really liked it.
Born without a Backbone.
What is a backbone? Never had one. You’re talking to a guy, who has been a human jellyfish. You’re going to think the following post is weird, but I don’t care. Sometimes truth is weird like that. Sometimes truth punches us in the fucking face, like it did me.
I was a sex addict for many years. From the age of 16. That’s the worst kind of addiction. Be it eastern philosophy, or lack of internal self-talk, there is one thing I know that rings true through any of the bullshit. A sexually addicted male, will never become anything.
It’s been many years, but I can only sum it up as one thing. Sexual energy is the backbone of man. There I said it. I’ve dissipated my energies for years and lived an unproductive, weak, upstanding life. A sexually addicted male, one who masturbates a lot or dissipates his energies. Everything that makes a man what he is, strong, mentally stable and able to do what he needs to do in this world, is a result of the transfer of sexual energy from one thing to another.
Eastern philosophies always knew this. Sexual energy has and was always known as Jing. (or chi) – Napoleon hill wrote about it in his chapter of Think and Grow rich, “The Mystery of Sexual Transmutation.” – The moment I stopped masturbating; and gave up my slavery to the female form and the impulse of it was the moment I grew a backbone. A man has no choice, but to grow a backbone. You see that weak kid in the corner, he’s a weakling; slouched over, self-concious of what others think of him, weak in the mind; easily penetrated by words. You might call that kid a jerk-off.
I don’t know how it works. I don’t know why it is the way it is. But a masturbation or sexual binge, leaves me in a state of weakness. Things get to me. I get easily startled. Spooked. The world can get to me. Give me 3 weeks of celibacy and I’m strong from the Root up. Noises don’t matter, explosions. Crashes, bangs. Shit-talking. It doesn’t bother me. I walk out and about freely, things are not bothersome… to an extent.
This of course, was only discovered, through the recent grassroots movement of the anti-pornography movement. (yourbrainonporn.com) – But this not only goes back to my high school years, it effected me up until my late 20’s. A weak man with nothing to show for in life. I have my talents and skills, but none were transfused into something that would be of monetary value. I am the epitome of what you would call “Failure.” on so many levels.
It wasn’t until I discovered the painful struggle of focusing on celibacy, the self-image, and affirmations, until I began to repair some of the damage that was done. Nothing is more painful to be, then a man with no social life. A man who is a drifter, a loner, one who lives in and out of conciousness communicating with a small number of people on the daily. “Fake it till you make it.” they say, but it never works. Many self-help books, self-help techniques, and hours of pondering alone can only bring me two a few key understandings about the human psyche, myself, and the damage I’ve done over the years.
Celibacy. Celibacy has been, and is the key root foundation of all strength. With celibacy alone, and minute planning, I was able to Feel somewhat functional again as a human being. That of course, was only shadowed by my year of seclusion, lethargy and suicidal depression. What caused it? Compulsive masturbation and addiction. Unbeknownst to me. The instinctive impulse had me on Google, searching for “IS masturbation bad for you?” – only to be re-affirmed by many Western Medical websites as it being positive.
A year of practicing celibacy grew the backbone and manhood in me. I was a 27-year-old going on 18 again. This time though, delving in uncontrolled aspects of testosterone, fueled by true Manhood. A Rebel-without-a-cause-esque attitude had me on Dating sites, figuring out hook-ups, getting in fights, and having unproductive degenerative sexual escapades with unseemingly characters. The confusion and burst of sexual energy without a direction to direct it kept me somewhat stable in my celibacy and control, but out of control in every other aspects.
I was fooled into thinking that Long bouts of celibacy were needed to perform certain tasks like being normal, and confident. But I also discovered my new celibate brain Was capable of better mathematical skills and memory. I was more capable. I felt a bit normal. I felt I Should have felt this normal when I was an adolescent growing into manhood.
I never grew into manhood.
Growing into manhood, in your late 20’s is a painful thing. When you’ve wasted away your manhood on cheap flings and daily masturbation, you realize you never amounted to anything. But it isn’t pure, mind numbing dedication to celibacy alone that drove me into vein popping bouts of insanity, sleepness nights and pent up energy. It was energy that was not being directed anywhere, only into forming new late night habits of internet browsing and binge drinking.
The Self image.
The discovery of the self image and meditation gave me sort of a direction to guide myself. I was able to meditate and visualize myself in certain situations and bring about different aspects of confidence. Visualizing myself in different situations performing in situations backed with the sexual celibate energy had me performing them. Surely this was the way to build a backbone. And for a while, it seemed that way. Visualize yourself strong in certain social situations and you will be. Visualize yourself overcoming adversaries and you will. Visualizations + Celibacy seemed like a fortunate repair to my damaged existence.
But what I thought about I brought about.
In a job where I deal with difficult people, I took the advice of the book and visualized myself everyday, being bold in the face of questionable danger, shadiness, and questionable people. The strange thing is, these things started to happen more. They even started to happen, when I was away from the work-place. Coincidence? I think not. It was this moment I realized what I thought about, I brought about, and led me into the possibilities of manifestation.
Dreamer-realistic VS. Realistic.
I am now visualizing myself in the job I want to be. In the situations I want to be. Doing the things I need to do to get to where I want to be. If there is a particular job I want, I visualize myself working that job, getting hired, and starting out per se. If my thoughts were bringing about the situations I didn’t want to happen, then certainly the ones I want to happen were going to if I focused only on the good things. If before I visualized myself dealing with a difficult person; and that would manifest in my days ten fold, then I stopped visualizing the difficult person, and just visualized me in greener pastures.
Things happened, no doubt. No, I’m not a millionaire. But I am realistic. I think if you visualize yourself in a job you want, combined with your internal celibate power, you will have the backbone and fortitude, with the spiritual inertia gained from your heightened state of mind to get where you want to be. There is no doubt that we are all connected on some weird, spiritual plane that is metaphysical. Think awesome thoughts, live an awesome life. See yourself doing what you want to do, you will have the courage and power behind you to do it. But be celibate it will give you that energy.
Thinking positive thoughts of where you want to be, do, or experience is enough to give you a backbone… In those situations, but not traveling through the paths of life. I can visualize myself being extremely confident in certain situations, but I don’t have enough brain power to visualize myself in all situations. I can visualize myself performing in front of 20 people at the beach, but have anxiety as I drive in the crowded freeway.
I can visualize myself performing confidently at the Talent show, but it wont take away the anxiety of walking past the school bullies. So what is a backbone and how do we get one? The answer to that question lies in the mirror.
If what I think about, I bring about, I wouldn’t fantasize about myself standing up to many bullies now would I? Sure, the image of myself standing up to bullies DID in fact give me the backbone of doing it. I stood up to bullies, more than what I bargained fore. But it was this very practice that I realized what I thought about I brought about. Bullies were coming out of the Woodwork to FACE ME, simply because I visualized it! And if you don’t believe me, try it.
There was another solution. The mirror. Simply by telling myself “I don’t take shit from anyone.” in the mirror, for two weeks straight, was enough for me to automatically respond in the appropriate ways. No energy is wasted in “thinking” of the bully, and we deal directly with the soul. You and the mirror. Looking directly into your soul. Giving yourself a backbone. Of course, with all the fears that surfaced as I continued with this practice, came their reversals. Supermarket anxiety. “People are looking at me strange. ”
I reversed it to.
“People think I’m handsome, and interesting.”
Or.. “People might think I’m weird if I look at them.”
“I look where I want.”
After doing this, for every little fear I had, my backbone developed. Yes, I had a list of about 20 or 30 different reversed fears, positive statements I told myself for every fear I had. After about two weeks, I found myself Looking where I Wanted, talking to who I wanted, and generally not feeling bad about myself. Generally just not caring. In fact, a big one is “I don’t care what people think of me.” two weeks of telling yourself that.. and you really don’t give a fuck.
And so it goes on.
Why all the maintenance? I couldn’t tell you why. I don’t know to be honest. I know that if I visualize myself being sober, and then turning down alcohol, I’m more prone to being sober. In fact, I quit drinking for a month on this principle alone. But it took a daily effort. The self image is powerful.
Why all the maintenance? It goes back to being a sexual addict. The worst kind of addiction. The one addiction that robs you of your spiritual energy and strength. And when there is lack in spiritual energy and strength, negative energy fills that void. You become a black hole of fear, anxiety, worry and over time it develops. The negative beliefs instilled at a young age, grow into a way of life. You cower from people as you go outside and vice versa.
These are the only techniques that I’ve learned in just the past year, through trial, error, and experimentation, over and over again, and also through hours of pondering. Hours on pondering what we are made of, what influences us spiritually, and what we can do about it. We are all spiritual energy. Our thoughts and what we think of do manifest in one way or another. No, I haven’t pulled $5,000 my way by visualizing it, but I sure have opened some doors by doing it. So if this is the case, we don’t need to worry. Everything is given to us. All we have to do is visualize it.
I once read that sexual addiction is linked to all addiction. The more I refrain from the expression of sex, the stronger my mind becomes in other things. The more energy we have to fight other things.
Some of you may think you have all of these problems, maybe with women, people, or jobs. I want to tell you that, through the realization that we are direct manifestation of our consciousness, nothing cannot be solved through simple visualization or positive thoughts towards ourselves. Girls, Careers, Discipline.. Anything can be mastered.
Books I recommend you read.
The Science of Getting Rich.
It can be applied to ANYTHING!