Age 27 – HOCD & severe addiction: My life is transformed

I would sincerely like to thank the both of you from the bottom of my heart. You have both changed my life in ways that I just cannot describe.  I would probably not be alive right now if I didn’t stumble upon both of your writings nearly a year ago.

I’m a 27 year old male who had been heavily addicted to porn since I was 11 years old and progressed to probably the worst level of addiction (having to view porn 10-15 times a day for 4-6 hours, progressing to shemale and gay porn exclusively). I hate to blame anyone or anything for my problems because it sounds like such a copout, but porn truly was the only thing causing every problem in my life. I’m a fairly attractive guy and have had women around me a lot but I’ve never been able to get an erection around any of them which made me think I was gay even though I find men disgusting and women to be so beautiful.  

I had contemplated suicide because of this a number of times and learned everything I could about laundry detergent suicides (a method getting very popular in Japan), even going as far a buying all the ingredients for it.

I’ve done a complete 180 in my life since I found your websites and read  everything I could, then even going as far as taking my computer and smashing it to prevent myself from relapsing. It worked tenfold. After going through the withdrawal phase, which lasted about 3 months, I’ve accomplished some things I didn’t think were possible a couple years ago.

I landed a job making $65k a year. I completed a 120 hour course to become a licensed EMT. I enrolled in a university taking night classes as a business major(I’ve taken 3 classes so far and have 4.0 GPA), I became SCUBA certified and have taken 6 specialty courses since (I’ve logged 30+ dives and am currently training to be a divemaster), I went skydiving, and even tried hang gliding for the first time. I’ve got an insatiable energy to exercise now and I’m now at 6% bodyfat and 5’11” 205 lbs. Not to mention, I look about 5 years younger. My attention span has improved tremendously and I’ve read about 60 books in the past year, even though I used to hate reading. I saved up my money for a down payment and a month ago purchased my first house. The list goes on and on..

I do not spend much time on the internet these days because I see it largely as a waste of time, but I’m trying to find a way to meet women who are interested in karezza because I’m not interested in even the  slighted way of achieving orgasm again. All of the women I’ve met in the last few months have been in their early 20s and perplexed by the idea of a guy not wanting to orgasm.

I don’t really enjoy talking about myself a lot but I am just so thankful that both of you have put the information you possess on the internet for everyone to see and I wanted you to see how you’ve both  singlehandedly transformed someone else’s life. It kills me to know that there are people out there suffering the same things that I have gone through. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I think it’s worse than a heroin addiction. The best way to describe a porn addiction is waking up every morning feeling as sick as you can possibly can, and knowing if you log online and watch a Jenna Haze anal scene then your sickness will go away for an hour or so. I think that porn is the most destructive thing in society today. It is singlehandedly crippling the younger generations.

Thank you both so much for what you are doing. You both deserve the Nobel Peace Prize as far as I’m concerned.


BY – bolitarzud