This is my first post. I’m sharing in hopes my experience might help someone else.
As the title says, I’m 27 and still a virgin (I’ve been with people, just had not had penetrative sex—so kinda virgin I guess?). I’m still a virgin largely because I’ve not felt attracted to people for most of my life. Of course, I’ve masterbated to porn that entire time. It doesn’t help that I started it around the age when I would have started developing relationships with people. That was now 12+ years ago.
However, I finally reached a point in my life where I wanted to be in a relationship, so I wanted to see finally once and for all if porn has ruined my desire for people in real life, or if I really am just not interested in sex (asexual? something else?).
I’ve been keeping an excel sheet logging my mood, whether I had a wet dream, my sex drive, energy, and whether I cuddled with someone (which yourbrainonporn advises to help the reboot process). 0 was the lowest score; 10 was the highest.
- I masterbated about 4-8ish times a week.
- Didn’t like people touching me (I mean like massages and stuff—it felt weird. Normal touching was fine).
At this point during NoFap:
- My mood and energy never dropped below 7. Both were consistently 8 and 9. However, this had nothing to do with NoFap. I generally have a lot of sleep and am quite energetic and happy.
- I have had 4 wet dreams. One on day 56, one on day 58, one on day 78, and one on day 86.
- My first two wet dreams were accompanied by actual dreams (indirectly porn related: e.g., in one, I was masterbating behind a computer while running from people in a school chasing me, lol). The third occurred with a dream in which I was peeing (woke up ejaculating). The fourth was a nighttime release with no dream.
- For the most part, my sex drive has been 0. However, I have had two discernable periods where I was extremely horny (periods that very much felt like my body was trying to force me to either have sex or masterbate). The first occurred around day 20 to day 30 (the drive particularly stronger on some days than others). The second occurred between around day 63 and lasted to about day 66 (not long). I never gave in, of course, because they felt ‘fake’. That’s the best way I can describe it. I knew they would pass. I knew my brain was just trying to trick me.
- I was cuddling etc (largely no sexual contact; once or twice light sexual contact) with someone on and off during the first forty days, but lost interest after that. I did start to feel more sensitive during this time, but I wasn’t attracted to the other person per se. It wasn’t attraction as much as it was enjoying being touched, I suppose. I’ve since not had any romantic or sexual contact with anyone.
- Unfortunately, I still feel attraction to porn. I’ve seen glimpses and what not (gifs etc) and feel a twinge. I avoid online imagery as much as possible, but that twinge (that should come from real life people) is still there.
What I think about NoFap:
- At 90 days in, more than ever I feel asexual. It seems in the last month in particular that I have absolutely no drive. I want to want sex. I want to want to find someone attractive, and I do find people aesthetically pleasing, I just don’t want to have sex with them. I’m still unsure if this is because my brain simply needs more time to heal or not (though I certainly haven’t felt like my brain’s been trying to trick me for a while now).
- I’ve not felt any discernible ‘superpower’. I’m pretty much the same person I was before except now I don’t masterbate. I spend about 2 hours each day at the gym 5x per week, but I was doing that before NoFap. I also have very high confidence and do well in my work, and nothing has changed there.
- I am sympathetic to many people who report that NoFap has been hard for them but, if I’m honest, it’s been pretty easy for me (if 10 was easiest, it’s been about 8-9 for me). I often wonder if this is a sign that I really am asexual and my core self doesn’t want sex.
- I used to be very anxious about sex. I did actually try being with a few people before I started NoFap, and I was extremely anxious about meeting them each time. Probably the one discernible change I’ve noticed from NoFap is that I’m not as nervous in those situations anymore. Of course, I haven’t wanted to be in that kind of situation for a while now (I mean, I want to want to, but my body just isn’t really interested).
- I can’t masterbate at will anymore. During the first 50-60 days or so, I could still easily get an erection just by touching myself. It’s much much much harder for me to do that now. I haven’t had a self-induced erection for weeks. I can do the motions with my hand on my penis, but it’s just dead (well, dead is a strong word: it more feels like it’s just not interested).
- With that said, I wake up most mornings with an erection. For the most part, they’re strong and hard.
- Edit: I should add: I don’t know if I would characterize how I feel now as being “alpha”, but I have indeed felt more of a man. I think this may have actually indirectly helped me at gym, too: although I’ve gone for a long time, I did, if I’m honest, become a lot more serious about it around the time I started NoFap. I’ll never see myself as an alpha kinda guy, but I do enjoy feeling like I am calmer and more in control.
Here’s to the next 90 days I suppose!