I’ve recently been getting more active on this sub, and now it is time to share my story. I won’t try to edit much and will have a past present and future.
Past I was addicted to sex as long as I can remember I suppose. Then again, modern American society helps with that. My first memories were anything of a female image. Then it moved on to late night Cinemax, and to internet, and the rest is history. I’m 28, so the internet started getting big back when I was about 12-13? Prime time. I actually remember at one point when my parents discovered the internet history. Luckily I played it off because they thought it was a virus, or “people hacking in and putting that stuff on our computer” (phew).
Funny thing is, I never orgasmed until much later in life. M yes, O no. And of course I had the occasional wet dream. But porn was always there, and, of course, as a kid you grow up thinking that’s how sex happens. Far from the truth.
I didn’t start M to the point of O until about 22-23? (Late yes). And from there it was downhill. I’d try to see how many times I can do it in a week, then a day. All up to this point I’d never had sex and never had a girlfriend. Hm, funny how those work together.
Enter Nofap So it started with a girl I went out on a date with. She and I (still) go to the same college. Things went very well. Mind you this is my first real deal date ever. At the end of the date, we start making out. First time I kissed a girl ever, 26 at the time. She wanted to have sex, but it was super abrupt and it freaked me out. I wasn’t ready for it (even though she was pressuring me for it), and I left. But she was cool about it, and felt like she was coming on too much. That happened on a Friday, and on Monday we had class. Things go well, and I get another kiss upon leaving school. After that she sort of closed off. I didn’t know why, but I over analyzed things ridiculously. I tried being nice, asking her out repeatedly, being a jerk so she’d come back to me, everything. Deep down, I later realized that all I wanted was another shot so I could get laid. Long story with her short, she already told me she didn’t want anything serious, but I took it hard when I discovered she was seeing someone else.
It’d be easy to analyze her side, but I have to take the blame on this one. This wasn’t the first time I pushed a girl away, and it was mostly because of this deep seated longing just to get laid. I didn’t read her, I didn’t take into account what she was feeling, I just wanted what I wanted. I’ve since moved on (later in the story), but not happy things happened they way they did.
Around this time, not sure it was before or after, it was where I discovered nofap. I think I was browsing reddit (seddit) for “get out of the friendzone” advice. Lame, I know. Somewhere in there I think I found David Wygant and a talk he gave, and in it he said “don’t watch porn.” I also stumbled upon nofap and watched the Ted Talk vid. It all finally made sense. Why I was so nervous around girls earlier in life, never had a gf, etc. I was glued to the images of porn.
Nofap Struggle It took me a year and 5 months, from around the time of the first girl in the story, until now to reach the 90 day mark. Any time I got on a worthwhile streak, I just felt like I wanted to explode sexually. Yes the “superpowers” were there – energy, focus, alert, more chatty with people, etc, but I was horny all the time. Sure libido was good, but it was ridiculous, to the point where I couldn’t focus. I was being more assertive with asking girls out and such, but still, all I wanted from girls was sex.
I realized I was cheating myself. Yes I quit porn, but I was substituting it with other sexual images. “Top 10 bikini” whatever, r4r, craigslist dating, gonemild. All just one click or thought away from relapsing, which I did often. On my last streak however, I went cold turkey from all that crap. Even would try to make efforts to avoid fantasy with girls in real life I knew. (Allowing that to happen almost cost me a friendship a few years back).
And it worked my friends. You have to stop the internet stream of oversexualized media. It’s ridiculous, and even now when going to a store, you can’t even check out without seeing supermodels on the magazines. We have more access to images of girls in a day that any king had in their lifetime. It’s sad, and the only way out is to walk away from the garbage. Doing this, at around day 40-50(?) it was all downhill. I was starting to wake up and had 0 urge to M. Even if I did go into zombie fap mode in the morning, nothing in me felt the need to come to orgasm. And this was the biggest relief I’ve felt in years, YEARS. No 5 minute fap session can ever compare to the feeling of waking up and having a clear, easy mind, free of crazy urges. I love it. You may call this flatlining, but it is called “NORMAL.” Life is more than the ability to get a boner. Seriously guys, it’ll come back when you find the right person.
Nofap Benefits So a lot of guys think you just get magical powers from stopping. The only thing I’d say happens is that you constantly feel good from constantly practicing self control. Other than that, you get to keep your pent up sexual energy for better things. Yea, I’m talking about sex transmutation. Not sure if semen is magic juice, but just all the effort to fire up a perfect porn and fap can be spent on better things. If you spent all that energy to fap or to get laid into being productive, nothing can stop you.
Use all that energy, and learn how to become better. faimprovemnt is a great source for this. Read books on how to talk to people, improve your body language, etc. Good stuff.
Nofap Success Last thing that’s helped is that I’ve “met” a new girl. We go to the same (crossfit) gym, so everyone knows each other. It started with carpooling to the owner’s bday party. Then we saw the Hobbit together (if a girl wants to see Hobbit, she’s cool). After a few outings, we kiss, and now we’re seeing each other often. She doesn’t know what she wants yet, but I’m being patient and just enjoying life as is, and making sure to take care of myself. When this all started, I made a vow to myself. I would make 0 sexual references, or puns, or anything silly like that. I focused on who she was as a person, and got to know her, and that’s 1000% better than anything else we could do. Speaking of that, one night we were making out (plus a little extra) aaaaand I jizzed my pants. So then I told her I’m a virgin, and then about no fap, all with a load of goo in my pants. And she remains 100% supportive of both of those things!
Nofap Future I couldn’t be more grateful for this sub, the people, the newbie stories, the 90-year long streak stories. You guys are awesome, and I owe it to you to be more active here when I can and share my insights or answer questions. Keep it up guys, it’s 100% worth it.
LINK – My overdue 90+ day success.