This community has pushed my life in a positive direction with all the support and information you guys have provided on a daily. I thank you for that and I wanted to share my experience. I’ll just jump right in with my background info and then cover some of the basic questions. Apologies for the long post and any typos!
My Background – Filler information. Feel free to skip
I started viewing porn when I was roughly 12 years old. Around that time, I came across a few porn movies hidden around the house (old school videotapes). I would sneak off and watch those from time to time. If the videos were inaccessible, that was fine, because friends down the street had access to their parent’s Playboy magazines. Fast forward a bit and I gained access to the internet and file sharing. About two times a week I would PMO with downloaded videos. Later on, I had progressed to all the streaming websites. I didn’t know it, but I was addicted to porn and this would set the stage for future events.
I went off to college and lost my virginity to a women, only because she made ALL the moves. My brain was so wrecked at this point, I had no desire or knowledge on how to pursue sex. We eventually started a relationship, but my addiction ended up destroying it without me knowing. I would PMO when she had class or after sex when she was sleep. Looking back, it was the saddest thing ever. Skipping forward through the years, I fell into a depression, gained a ton of weight, racked up some debt, suffered from anxiety, started losing hair, started losing my vision (glaucoma), was notified I may be kicked out of the university due to grades, had no job, was constantly getting sick, lost connections with friends, and lost my relationship.
I was done. I woke up one morning and just started crying. I was alone and didn’t understand how I ended up where I was. All I had was a single drop of energy left in me that I could use to fix things, so I picked it up and ran with it. Literally, I ran with it. I started going to the gym and changing my diet. I lost fat, gained muscle, and was no longer getting sick all the time. I began taking my class work seriously. Got my degree and found a job.
Things started to look good for me, but I couldn’t figure out why I was still depressed and anxious all the time. This led me to keep searching for answers, which eventually led me to you guys and NoFap. I watched the videos you guys shared. I read the articles you all linked. You woke me up to how the brain functions and how I was slowly destroying myself. My addiction to porn was the catalyst for many issues that appeared in my life, so getting rid of porn was the last piece of the puzzle to creating a new one.
90 Day NoFap Info
NoFap Mode? I’m single and decided to go with Normal-Mode (No porn, fap, or fantasies. Sex is ok)
How many attempts? I’ve lost count. I’ve been a lurker of NoFap for awhile now, but I was embarrassed to really join the sub. My longest streak was probably around two weeks and then I would relapse, binge, and be stuck in the cycle again. I took things more seriously when I decided to actually join the sub and create a day counter next to my name.
What benefits have you seen? (no specific order)
- Mental Clarity. Brain fog is definitely gone!
- Depression has drastically decreased. It is still there from time to time, but it now comes in phases that I can handle vs being held down and drowned in a constant pool of sorrow
- Anxiety has drastically decreased. In the past, leaving the house for a night out or going to lunch with co-workers would shake me up pretty bad. Now anxiety is more like a minor annoyance. It’s sort of like telling my thoughts, “shut up, we’ll be fine. Trust me”, which then allows me to go on about my business.
- My facial hair has thickened up. Had some minor bald spots in my beard that are now completely full.
- I was told by a random women my facial skin looks great
- When I look at myself in the mirror I don’t perceive myself as frail anymore. Its like a little more roughness has been added to my features.
- More talkative. I didn’t become an expert at approaching people, but I have started random conversations with both men and women. I did notice I’m more present in small talk conversations. I’m able to hold eye contact better and remember the names of people I just met.
- No longer objectifying women as sex objects.
- Confidence. I started to really understand how confidence is gained. I told myself that I wanted to live a porn free life. I completed that goal and I now have a strong foundation of trust with myself. I can now use NoFap as a reference for other hard task in my life. If someone were to look me in the eyes and tell me I haven’t accomplished much, I could seriously just laugh and smile at them, because I know that I have accomplished something big.
How did you suppress the urges?
- Cleaned up my social media. For example, on Instagram I use the, “show fewer post like these” on all the trigger photos that show up.
- Blocked nsfw websites on my phone
- Remembering that I have a choice. I’m not a slave to my urges.
- Downloaded the reddit app. When I felt weak I would open the app, head straight to a previous NoFap comment I made, and would stare at my day counter number. I would rehearse that number and would imagine it just traveling through my brain’s pathways.
Any motivation used to reach the goal?
- Reading all the benefits achieved from NoFap.
- I felt corrupted and wanted to fix it. I saw porn as a virus to my life. It influenced a huge part of my life. The more I learned about it, the more I hated it.
- Knowing that this is a big part of history. People will look back and see there was a group of us who fought this addiction. I desired to be a part of that group.
- Curiosity. I became extremely curious about what life must feel like without porn. People in the past didn’t need this supernormal stimuli in-order to function, so neither do I. I didn’t want superpowers, but I did want to be a normal functioning version of myself.
- This quote from a user on this sub: Just keep in mind always that Nofap is an elixir that money can’t buy. Have a healthy life. Enjoy the new moments that Nofap brings & keep 🙂
Did you encounter any wet dreams?
- Yes. On day 51 and day 71. When it happened on 51, I was mad. I got over it though and labeled it as a cleanse.
Did you have sex?
- Yes, I had sex twice during the 90 days.
Did you flatline?
- Yes, I did flatline. I didn’t keep track of it like I should have. I had no desire for porn or sex. At one point I started to question if I could even get an erection, but decided not to test it.
Anyways, I’ll stop there. I’m going to continue making progress. Thanks everyone and good luck!