I’ve been masturbating to porn daily since I was about 8 years old. The first two, and previous to nofap only, times I had sex, were not very good.
The first was at 17yo and was going great until I was turned off by what I now know was a very strong smelling cooter (a smell so strong that you feel like you have been physically hit by it). Of course it also made me lose my erection and when I finally took off my pants she made a comment about my size (“that’s it!?”). Took me 45min of intense concentration to finally reach orgasm. While the experience gave me some confidence for having lost my virginity that was countered by worry about the size of my penis, being a little grossed out by her smell and being alarmed that it took me so long and that I couldn’t get more excited.
The second was at 19yo and was a late night booty call type thing (her calling me). I wasn’t super attracted to this girl but I felt it necessary to capitalize on the opportunity because of my lack of experience. When it came time to perform I struggled for 20min to get an erection and when I finally did I lasted about a minute. This did nothing to help my sexual insecurity but thankfully she didn’t smell like the first one so I knew they didn’t all smell like that.
All of this left me little to no confidence in my end game so to speak. Nothing is more embarrassing/alarming than having a naked, willing, pretty girl in front of your and not being able to perform. This married with my natural lack of motivation and confidence led me to, over time, not only not pursue desired sexual interests but also pass up amazing opportunities that could have been great.
10 years go by and any minor sexual experiences I had during that time only served to worsen my insecurity and my fears that there was something wrong with me, I never really felt the urge to take things all the way and everything would eventually fizzle out. Things were getting pretty dire. My sex drive, which had always been low-normal was dropping, I was feeling less and less attraction to others and it was getting harder and harder to find porn that could turn me on. I think this was mainly happening because I was slipping into an anxiety ridden depression. Life in general was really starting to suck.
I stumbled upon nofap accidentally while on the hunt for porn on reddit. The success stories I read were immediately inspiring, I could relate to so much of what other users had been through and I desperately craved the benefits they were claiming to have gained from nofap. I then watched “Your Brain on Porn” which provided a plausible mechanism for all of the wonderful benefits people were experiencing.
It was hard at first to abstain but on my third attempt I managed to make it to 30days. Around that time I gained what has probably been my greatest direct benefit from nofap – sensitivity. I was getting random hard ons and even wet dreams, which I had never gotten before. It really helped improve my sexual confidence since it reduced the likelihood of ED and the embarrassment it causes me.
Of course another great benefit was that I was gaining discipline and I started to slowly but surely get my act together in all areas of my life. Motivation improved, confidence improved, health improved, not drastic improvements mind you but measurable nonetheless.
I kept on doing nofap and while I could never seem to get passed that 30 day mark I managed to stay away from the porn for longer periods and it definitely helped in making me once again appreciate the beauty of real life women.
I also realized that for me gaming was just as bad or worse when it came to the reduction of dopamine sensitivity that “Your Brain on Porn” explains is a side effect of addiction. During nofap I became very addicted to Battlefield 4 and after a week of binging it was very clear that it had reduced my motivation for everything but the most stimulating of activities so I joined r/stopgaming and stopped gaming too. Motivation slowly started to come back.
A couple of months ago despite still not really feeling ready for any kind of dating a couple of friend coerced me into creating an OKcupid account. Within a few weeks I met up the girl that I’m now still seeing. She’s a real dynamo and go-getter and made it easy for things to progress. We eventually had sex and it was great, everything felt and progressed naturally, I couldn’t believe it, no awkwardness, nothing. I don’t think I could’ve handled another failed sexual experience and thanks to nofap and the wave of self improvement that it catalyzed it wasn’t.
Thanks so much for being the great community that you are, whenever I would slip up or I was feeling down I could always count on r/nofap to cheer me up and give me the boost that I needed. You guys seriously changed my life. Hopefully my story can help someone out there the same way that yours helped me.
Onward and upwards my fellow fapstronauts!!
LINK – 29yo – Had sex for the first time in 10 years!!
by toelessfoot
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