I was a daily fapper since around 12 or so, and a frequent porn browser since 15. I found NoFap in the middle of July, started right away, and haven’t lapsed once. A few observations and thoughts. I’ll just put it in point form for conveniences sake.
- I had tried to quit porn or reduce my amount of MO at various points before in my life, but I had always failed to keep at it. It seems obvious to me now that I didn’t -really- want to quit, deep down. It was something that part of me thought I ‘should’ do, or ‘ought’ to do, but those shoulds and oughts lost out because I had never truly made the honest choice to quit. This time around it was easy because I knew it was time. I had a few dreams about looking at porn, and a few nights where I really felt tempted, but by and large it was OK.
- Being 29 has probably helped me here. When you are 20 you can tell yourself that there’s plenty of time to become a better person when you’re older. Staring at 30 after years of being single starts to really shake your complacency.
- I felt a rush of confidence and and increased desire to be social about a week in. I had a couple of days in particular which were just surreal. This decreased quite a bit, but stabilized at a level that is a fair bit higher than before. I don’t necessarily care to talk more to strangers, but I am far, far more relaxed when I do. This really helped me take the leap of getting out of my little safety bubble and finally starting a relationship.
- I dare say many NoFappers (especially those who have been single for a fair while) have a lot of emotional shit to deal with that will be uncovered when you quit medicating yourself with PMO and/or start a relationship. Growing as a person requires exactly what we put off with this habit (among others), which we use to help patch up our various insecurities, fears and boredoms. Quitting will help you get back on the path to being an adult (it will be painful).
- It’s very strange to think that the statement ‘I am not a wanker’ or ‘I don’t look at porn’ are true statements. It makes me happy, but also quite sad that I was too weak of character to make them true sooner.
- Before quitting I used to feel like I lived in some kind of forever alone void that women just could never enter. I was doomed to singleness. After quitting I have found myself coming out of my shell almost without much effort at all. I haven’t been trying to talk to women as I now have an SO, but even so I have really felt a lot more smiles coming in my direction, and on three occasions I had clear advances from their end (which -never- used to happen).
- Now that you are quitting PMO, start going to the gym while you are at it. It really doesn’t take that much effort to get into better shape.
- A final thought. I’ve said this elsewhere, but I think it needs frequent repeating. There may be cases of otherwise normal, healthy people who are held back/damaged by PMO, for whom PMO represents an ‘addiction’ which is the cause of their various problems. For many if not most of us, however, I think it is part of a larger picture of our generation. We have, many of us, been allowed to extend our adolescence far, far into our twenties (or even thirties!) through the general permissiveness of modern culture and parenting, and the availability of various distractions provided by our technology. We become docile and passive because we never have to fight for the right to enjoy life. Like being suspended in a tank and fed from a tube, our muscles (both actual, mental and emotional) are denied the vital stimulation they need to develop. Quitting PMO is one very important step for people such as us, but it is only one step. We have to rethink what it means to live, and ask ourselves if we are truly doing so. Such introspection is painful, but necessary.
LINK – 90 Day Report