Day 6 I realized that porn and masturbation may be causing the issues that have been haunting me for most of my 20’s.
I started using the internet to masturbate in my late teens. At first it was just to still photos because I did not know of any good video sites back then. There were so many images of beautiful airbrushed women I would just keep going through different pictures or different women until I finally finished. At this point I still hadn’t noticed any sexual issues and thought I was just enjoying myself.
Then at around age 19 or so I moved on to video porn, I would use video porn usually at least once a day. Most days it was more like 2-3. In my early 20’s is when I started to notice issues developing. I just wasn’t attracted to normal women that I would see every day anymore. When I tried to be with one sexually I just didn’t feel all that turned on, the best way to describe how I felt was “blah”. This started happening even when I was around girls who I had previously been extremely attracted to…
I soon noticed that psychological ED was becoming a serious issue. I found ED to be extremely embarrassing so it has lead to many years of being alone without attempting sex. I am not a virgin, but I had very limited sexual experience in my 20’s. The last time I tired was about a year ago. I used cialis which helped me to get an erection after several minutes of her stimulating me with her hand. But I was unable to have an orgasm in her vagina. I had to pull out and let her finish me with her hand while I was secretly thinking about porn.
I couldn’t really figure out what was going on with me. I thought it might be porn/masturbation related, but I have stopped for 7-10 days in the past without my erections getting better(just increased libido). I even thought at some point that I might just be one of those guys who is gay without realizing it, even though I have never been attracted to men and have been heavily attracted to women since even before puberty.
I can see now that my problems were because my brain has become only attracted to internet porn. I also realize that it is most likely going to take more than 7-10 days for me to reboot. That is why it wasn’t helping in the past.
Given that I have been masturbating to porn for almost a decade now I know this is not going to happen overnight. I am just going to play it day by day until I feel like I have rebooted. I am hoping it happens within 90 days but I am not going to set a specific goal for days, the goal is just to be rebooted no matter how long it takes.
So today is the 6th day, I wouldn’t say it’s been easy, but easier this time around since I have done this in the past, and I am much more motivated this time around after reading other peoples success.
So far I have just been becoming increasingly horny every day. I have not yet flat lined like some people do. My genitals feel like they are about 1000 degrees. My morning wood has been back most mornings, but not today for some reason. But I still feel like I am not as attracted to real women as much as I should be and ED would still be present if I was with a real girl.
As soon as I feel like I am ready I am going to try my best to have sex with a girl and not to masturbate again, but if I have to masturbate I will do so only to my sensations.
Side note: I also believe that all this masturbating lead to the famous “death grip” problem which I am hoping this helps with also.
I have always been a breast man so eventually I start masturbating to only girls with big fake breasts. Eventually girls with normal natural breasts did nothing for me.
Day 7 My horniness is still pretty strong. But I am pretty close to getting through the weekend which I knew would be the toughest time, so I am pumped about that.
I started to feel like complete crap this afternoon with chills, and flu-like symptoms. I figured this would come after the urges died down a bit but it looks like I am getting them together… I am kinda looking forward to flat-lining if it happens, it seems like it would be a lot easier to deal with than being horny 24/7.
Day 11 I have been waking up in the middle of the night with pretty strong wood most nights, but I have also not had any wood in the actual morning hours in a few days now. I have also woken up with a half erection a few times. Most of my dreams have involved beautiful girls every night but I never get to have sex with them yet.
Day 14 I saw this girl I like last night. I think she is into me but I have been afraid to pursue her because of my ED issue. I still feel like I would have trouble with that at this point. Natural real women have been looking slightly better than they were 2 weeks ago but I still have a way to go.
Unfortunately my mind is used to completely perfect images in porn and in fantasy, every real girl has flaws that stick out to me too much, even the girls I find really attractive. It’s like I see this girl I think is hot, but instead of having sex with her I would rather just run home and think about her while I am watching porn and masturbating. I think when I get over this issue it will be a big step forward in my ED recovery.
Nighttime and morning erections have been there, usually more in the middle of the night than the morning. I usually notice 1 per sleep cycle, but they go away pretty quickly once I get out of bed. No random erections during the day yet.
This is the longest I have gone without M since I started 17 years ago. I am very curious to see what effects it will have over me in the coming days and weeks.
Day 16 Let me just start by saying I never thought I could go 16 days without masturbation before I found these forums. I am quite amazed it has been so long, and I now have the confidence that I can really complete the entire rebooting process on this attempt.
So I noticed some differences today starting in the middle of the night last night… I woke up twice in the middle of the night. The first time I was woken by what I believe was an orgasm. I don’t remember what I was dreaming about, but I sort of remember the feeling of an orgasm, and when I woke up i put my hand down their to see if I had ejaculated but nothing was there but a huge boner. Normally I do not maintain such a strong erection after an orgasm and there was nothing in my boxers so I am not sure what happened. Either way, I had not had an erection that strong and powerful feeling in such a long time… it was great…. eventually I fell back asleep, I then woke up again at 4am still with a really strong powerful erection like I haven’t had in years. It stayed with me until I fell back asleep until around 7am when I woke up for work. I again woke up with an erection like I haven’t had since I was 18. I laid in bed for about 10 minutes, the erection stayed very strong for about 8 minutes just by itself without any touching or thinking about sex.
Then this morning my libido was through the roof to the point where it was very distracting at work. I had some slight sexual fantasy in the afternoon before I was able to stop myself but I was starting to get an erection just from fantasy… that hasn’t happened in years. After lunch my libido came down to a more manageable level, but the libido is still stronger than it has been in a while for this time of day.
Day 18 Swinging highs and lows of libido. But for 2 of the last 3 nights I have woken up because of an orgasm but had no loss of erection when I woke up and no ejaculation. I can’t figure out if I really had orgasms in my sleep or if I was just dreaming that I had an orgasm. I have never shot blanks or kept and erection after orgasm before. It’s weird. Has anyone else experienced this?
Day 21 It’s been a very interesting and challenging ride so far. I never really flat lined like a lot of people do, I have had days where it has been easier, but never a full day without noticing my libido. It might be because I have constantly been monitoring myself to notice differences. Luckily my strongest urges have come during the day while I am at work so I couldn’t even do anything about it if I wanted to.
Day 28 This week has been ok… Kind of uneventful actually. My urges have been down this week which made it easier, although yesterday they were back up again. I’ve felt kinda blah the past few days, just kinda sluggish. I felt pretty alert and assertive in the beginning of the week but then it just all kinda changed on Thursday.
My thoughts of real women have been more sensual…. I think I am coming along with my attraction to real life women but I still have a long way to go.
Day 35 It’s been 5 weeks without PMO today. 5 weeks ago I would have never thought that was possible but thanks to these sites and an understanding of what is going on in my brain I have made it this far. It was a pretty good week this week. I felt pretty strong emotionally, didn’t really have any down days. The urges still come and go, some days are worse than others. I wake up at some point every night with an erection usually. I am really enjoying that, it had been a decade without nightime wood. I remember when it went away it was so weird. I felt like something was missing.
On Wednesday night I woke up with an absolute monster of an erection, I laid there for about 10 minutes, didn’t think about sex, didn’t touch it, didn’t even move my body, but the thing did not go down for about 10 minutes. That has only happened a few nights so far but I am hoping it starts happening more consistently. That same night I went on to have a dream orgasm, I actually remembered the dream this time so that was nice. I had no ejaculation though. This was my third dream orgasm, last one was on day 16.
I also noticed my attraction to girls in real life go up this week. Overall I would say I have come about 40-50% of the way from where I was, it depends on the day I guess. It’s definitely not linear like everyone says. Some days I feel like I haven’t made any progress at all, some days I feel I have come so far. Also I have noticed my sexual thoughts are becoming more sensual and realistic than before. I was thinking about reaching out to this girl I used to work with this morning, but I don’t know if I am ready yet. I would like to be closer to 100% before I start thinking of getting lucky.
Day 37 Since I started masturbating when I was 12 I always did it with my clothes on. I would rub my hand on my penis but over the outside of my boxers. I started doing this when i was young in case someone knocked on the door I would already be dressed and no one would suspect I was masturbating. After a while I just did it that way because I liked it.
Now since I have gone long periods without real sex, I have had that type of conditioning to deal with on top of my porn issue. The reason this concerns me is because when I take all my clothes off my libido drops. Especially in the shower.
For instance right now I have made progress. If I let myself fantasize about sex while I am dressed I can pretty much get a full erection in time but I can’t do that when I am fully naked. It’s better now that it was before I started, but still a noticeable difference from when I am clothed. It drops even more when I am in the shower.
My question is, will the normal rebooting process help this as well, or should I try spending more of my alone time naked trying to get my mind used to it?
Day 42 This week was pretty easy, not really any serious cravings for PMO. No dream orgasms, nightime/morning wood most nights but not all. I find if I go out drinking I don’t wake up with erections. I went into the city last night with some friends. I noticed a lot of pretty girls. I am coming around with my attraction to women in real life but am still probably only about halfway there.
Day 49 Week’s 6 and 7 have definitely been the easiest for me so far, not really any urges. Everyone once in a while I feel horny but not too often. Libido has pretty much been missing completely. But I did have a random dream orgasm this week during a very nice dream. Nighttime and morning erections have still been going strong most days.
Day 57 Things are going pretty well, I started the week off with no libido like the previous two weeks, then on Wednesday night it hit me out of nowhere. I got very very horny all of the sudden and it lasted till I went to bed, it was nice because I hadn’t felt that way in a while. Then Thursday and Friday my libido was still there but not quite as strong, a more normal healthy level.
Day 70 My libido has been very strong for the most part over the past 2 weeks. It’s nice to have it back after it was missing. I find that when I am having a strong libido burst I find women in real life very attractive, but I also have periods where I look at an attractive women and don’t feel much. It’s still very non-linear.
Day 80 80 days today… boy what a journey it has been. I have been doing pretty well lately, feeling pretty confident.
My attraction to real natural women has definitely improved. I used to be only attracted to big fake breasts on porn stars. Now I am more into real women. I haven’t haven’t had a chance to try and have sex yet, but I am working on it. I am very curious to see how I would respond. I think I really turned the corner once I started going out more after work and socializing with people.
Wrap up On day 87 of abstaining from PMO, I had great successful sex with a girl I met at a party. My attraction to real life women had greatly improved, and it was really one of the happiest times I have had in a really long time.
I had been suffering from both erectile dysfunction and delayed ejaculation for 6-7 years without understanding what was really going wrong. It would take forever for me to get an erection and a lot of stimulation from the girl, then if i was finally able to get a full erection for sex I would last literally forever before I would finish, i’m talking like 45 minutes plus.
After 87 days I got an erection very quickly, and I would say the sex lasted a normal 5-10 minutes… and the best part is that it felt great! It wasn’t forced, I wasn’t trying to perform or worrying about what I was doing, it was just natural and enjoyable.
I had successful sex with the girl quite a few times over the next month, but it was pretty clear this was a short term relationship, we didn’t click enough to make it a long term thing, so it eventually dissolved, which was fine by me.
After that I decided to let myself start masturbating again, but only once per week, and only to the physical sensations of my hand without fantasy (something i would have never been able to do before I started here)
but gradually i started masturbating two times a week, then three and sexual thoughts started creeping back into my mind during masturbation… at this point I was still fine.
This is when I was hit with a terrible period in my life, one of my parents was diagnosed with liver cancer, and it is a very serious situation unfortunately. As of right now, I am feeling pretty positive and really believe that this can be beaten even if the odds are not in our favor, our entire family feels that way and I truly believe it.
But the first month after finding out the news was really tough, I was devastated at first… so i started using porn and masturbation to give me a quick break from my new reality… I was using it twice a day on average for over a month….. hell it works, I don’t know how I would have fallen asleep at night without it…. but when things started to settle down again, I realized that I was starting to experience the same symptoms that lead me to this site in the first place… I lost my sexual confidence once again.
I am happy to report now that I have been PMO free for the last 8 days. I did it once before and I’m sure I will recover this time as well.
My advice to people trying this for the first time it to just stay away from all PMO triggers at least for the first two weeks, and try things like cold showers, tough workouts, meditation is really helpful.
Also go out a lot, even if its just for a walk outside, the more you see girls in real life and not on the screen, the faster you will recover.
Also, don’t get discouraged if it takes a long time, I have read a lot of stories on this site, some people have been “cured” very quickly, others I have read didn’t feel cured until well over 100 days. On day 87 I still didn’t feel 100% cured, but I was good enough to have sex… after a month of having actual sex I felt 100% cured.
Anyway, I think I am just done with masturbation forever, I am afraid once I start I will eventually slip into binges, its kinda like how an alcoholic can’t have a beer once in a while…
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